Angry because he's here

A 69-year-old resident I'll call Henry came to this facility a few weeks ago. I did not see him come in. It might have been around supper time, since that's when some arrive..

Henry is quite unhappy that he was admitted here. A judge had him involuntarily committed to a psych facility in a town 50 miles away. At some point, he was sent here. He's not from this area. But I don't think there's any facility quite like this nursing home near where he's from, Eastern Ohio, (midway between Columbus and the West Virginia Eastern state line).

Henry always says a polite hello to me. But I'm quiet and I probably do not look threatening to him. However, no matter what happens here Henry finds something that upsets him and makes him righteously indignant. Not long after he arrived, a staffer took him out to buy some things he needed. One of them was a TV.. He also got a hot pot or coffee pot. I know he loves coffee and because he only gets it at certain times from the dining room, he is not happy.

Sometimes Henry seems to be spinning yarns, or telling old tales. Maybe he does have delusions and what he says is not reality. But there is no story a new admit could tell to staff that they'd believe. I'm sure each one of us, when we were admitted, told a story that sounded uniquely crazy. Most of us feel so misunderstood when we are sent here, we want to invalidate it happening. But, there is virtually no way to change the fact that we are here.
Should
A few residents come here, end up not liking it, and go somewhere else. But those cases are few and far between. The residents who leave and go elsewhere, are usually those who have family assisting them. The residents with no relatives our friends nearby, don't have much chance of being transferred, or getting out.

I hoped to befriend Henry, listen to him, and help him feel validated. Then I was going to try to assist him to change his behavior which would improve the time he spends here. But, I don't know if that will happen. My only brief chat with him was during snack a week ago. He was all gallant and met me in the back dining room. That was the only place to be since most of the residents were at tables close to the lobby exit.

Henry helped me get a drink. I told him that's a nursing home no-no. A resident isn't supposed to help another resident eat or drink. He said he figured that, but did it anyway. I think he could tell I was thirsty and I was. I didn't get much out of our conversation. What he told me was probably his life 30 to 40 years ago. I wondered why he receded into that timeframe. He was talking about a wife being pregnant. When I asked if it happened in the past, he said yes. But while he was relating the story, he teared up like it just happened yesterday. However, I'm sure most of us feel that way about the things in life that hurt us deeply.

Sometimes Henry is anxious – almost to the point of being in pain. I wonder if he has heart problems. Or maybe his anxiety makes him short of breath.

The aides assure me that Henry is only nice to me, but not to them. I told them Henry is hurting and therefore deserves some sympathy. One of the aides just shook her head and said, "Well, he may be nice to you, but you're probably the only one. But, I have seen him be nice to others to others, housekeepers, cooks, and residents.

Unfortunately, I understand Henry only too well. I have been in his shoes, and watched from his seat. But, I have learned to deal with anger and try to get the best out of being here.

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