To order out, or not

Last night an activity assistant I'll call Julia came to my room and asked if I wanted to order in from a nearby Mexican restaurant. I asked if they were ordering for the noon meal, or supper. Nevertheless, I still wondered if they'd do it at an odd hour. I Residents are usually in the dining room from 11:30 a.m. to around 12:15 p.m., and it would have to be scheduled after that.

Since Julia/activities assistant didn't seem to know what time they were ordering in, I asked Julia if she'd get back with me the next day.

This morning I was busy because I had a student nurse. She and another student helped with my washup, getting me dressed, combing my hair, and brushing my teeth etc. They didn't finish me until almost 10 AM.

I went down the hallway to see what was going on in the facility. It was a wintry looking, chilly, rainy day. The Christmas tree was up, all 10 feet of it, and there was only a little bit of decorating left to do.

As I checked out the lunch menu posted on the bulletin board, I heard Julia/activities assistant asking a male resident what he wanted to order from the Mexican restaurant. As he gave her his order, I suddenly wondered why Julia never got back to me. That made me feel kind of weird. Even though I thought it was better not to order out, I might've considered it had she asked again. The only thing I'm afraid of is getting cold food. Usually, when the nursing home orders in, and picks it up, the food is cold.

I went on my way and never looked back. It wasn't enough of a slight to make me really upset.

Before lunch I heard they ordered food to be ready at 2 PM. Most of the residents who ordered in, ate no lunch.

Sometime after 3 PM the aroma of Mexican food wafted through the building.

This "clean freak" resident

I'm always been a clean freak. At the age of five, on the night before my first day of elementary school, I was able to do my own bath and not have to have my mom or dad check if I was clean.

When I moved to a nursing home over twenty-one years ago (at 47) I wondered how clean the facility would allow me to be. It's really hard to depend on a nursing home aide to do my showers and wash ups. They also had to get rid of my "older lady chin hairs" with my epilator, shave my legs, and maybe even trim my eyebrows.

I hated the idea of having strangers doing my showers and wash ups. When I was told I would get two showers a week, I wondered how I'd survive. It's not as though I've never gone without showering. For five years, in the 70s, when my mom was ill with advanced breast cancer, I went without showering. Back then, I stood at the sink and washed everywhere except my left arm, back, and my legs below the knees. A caregiver did the rest.

When I moved to a nursing home I had to abide by their policies, because I needed their aides to assist me to be clean. The aides washed me and one particular nurse showered me for a period of time. But, she was the only one who ever did that.

Some aides didn't do my washup as thoroughly as I wanted. The aides who reminded me that being clean helps to prevent skin infections and breakdowns, always washed me thoroughly. But a few aides shortcut my washup. On those days I felt sticky and grungy, and that discomfort stayed with me the rest of the day.

After several two showers a week, weeks and in between wash ups, I got reddened, itchy areas on my skin. I was moved to an everyday shower, and those areas cleared up.

Getting a shower relaxed my muscles, and made me ache less. Showers also relieved my anxiety. Now I realize that bathing was something I did to calm myself.

There have always been some aides who said I was the cleanest resident. A few said I was cleaner than they were. But I also had other aides who identified with my cleanliness, and who said they would feel awful if they could not be cleaned up the way they wanted.

Thank heavens for the shower aides who did thorough showers. I'm sure some thought an enjoyable shower allowed residents to have a better day.

Wrote nursing home check from the wrong account

A year ago I had to open a Qualified Income Trust (QIT) in order to be eligible for Medicaid. Since I'm on of the nursing home residents who receives higher Security Disability Income (SSDI). Therefore, my SSDI which I must pay to the nursing home, except for $40, must be deposited into the QIT. All Medicaid allowable expenses are paid through the QIT.

Since I earn a modest income as a freelance blog writer, part of that amount, I pay to the nursing home. I also pay my self-employment taxes, and set aside my monthly auto insurance premium fee, are deposited into the QIT.

I have two checking accounts at one bank. One is for my personal his. The other is the QIT to pay the nursing home and other allowed bills by Medicaid.

Ever since the QIT was opened, I was afraid I would accidentally write a check out of the wrong account. I called the bank to see if they could do anything to distinguish each account, to prevent me from making that mistake..They said there was no way they could distinguish them more..

Since I moved to this facility, my SSDI is directly deposited into a different bank. Since I moved here my freelance checks for blogging are now deposited into the same bank as my SSDI. This is an older account, and not the bank where I have the QIT.

After moving to this facility, there have been lots of changes: the facility name change, and continuing to make payments on a small, outstanding bill from my former facility. It's been fun keeping it straight..

But, since I don't get on my desktop every day here, I forget to check my checking and credit card balances frequently. It used to be de riguer before at my previous facility. But I have not established a flow here yet and badly need to get one. Not checking my accounts often, is not good.

Tonight I was on my laptop and went to the QIT bank to check its balance, and the balance of my of my personal checking account there.

When I did, my personal checking account had a negative balance of over $800. I knew what I had done. I accidentally wrote the check (for my SSDI) to the nursing home from my personal account, instead of from the QIT.

I called the bank and told them about the overdraft, which was caused by my error. I asked if I could transfer the funds from the QIT to my personal account, because the check had already been cashed. They advised me that would work.

I was almost shaking as I went through the process of transferring funds from one checking account to the other. I don't think I've ever made a mistake like that before. And I hope I'll not make it soon again.

A before Christmas gift

This'll be short. But, it's too good not to share.

This morning while I was aggravated because I was riding up and down the halls waiting to get set up on my desktop PC. A woman, a bit younger than me, was standing in the hallway. A nurse aide was in cleaning up her dad, who's in a private room down the hall.

His daughter said he was recuperating well. Then, one night, he decided to get up by himself. He fell and broke his hip and one arm. Now, he's in bed and he'll be here longer than anyone expected.

From the look on the daughter's face she seemed to be as frustrated as I was. She could have taken a seat in the living room for a few minutes. Instead, she stood outside, across the hallway waiting for the aide to finish.

I came up to her and started talking about how nice the weather has been, with sunny and warmer temperatures for late November. After that, we talked for a while.

Then, I went on my way. I was gone for a while at lunch.

When I next went up the hallway, I saw the daughter sitting in her dad's room. She'd put up some Christmas decorations. She'd already told me her dad was upset because he'll spend Christmas in the nursing home. So, she was trying to make it festive.

I stopped to tell her how nice the decorations looked. While there were no lights on the trees, one had red and silver balls stacked in the shape of a tree. The other was a green artificial tree decorated with multicolored ornaments.

I told the daughter how nice everything looked. I shared I'd given my little tree away before moving to this facility.

Later, while  I was working away on my desktop, that man's daughter walked in beside me and sat a small, decorated tree, without lights on my table. That man's daughter had put one together for me. I said I didn't say her dad's room looked nice – so I'd get a tree. But I thanked her for her kindness. She put the tree beside the TV on the chest of drawers.

Not long after, another woman, perhaps the daughter's relative, or maybe not, came in and showed me magnetic Christmas tiles that could be put on my door. She offered to put them other places, but I told her on the door would be fine.

I received a nice surprise out of the kindness of others.

The upside down afternoon

This morning we had four aides, which is rare on a weekend. That meant the aides had more help, and time, to get me up and ready for breakfast in the dining room. Some were probably surprised that I was there.

I went in and aides were feeding the, dependant residents first, as they always do. I went to my roommate's table and sat near her. At least we could talk a bit while she was eating her breakfast. Then, even she had stayed long enough and left.

Right before that, an aide brought my tray, and put my teabags in hot water to brew. Then she was paged to a resident's room to assist him to breakfast. That aide didn't said a word, didn't cover the tray, or my tea; she was just gone.

After a few minutes, I asked another aide if she'd cover my tea, and she did. Then, I waited another twenty minutes for an aide to feed me breakfast.

After breakfast I was rolling around waiting to get my a.m. care finished, and the Communion Distributor introduced himself, and gave me Communion. Then he left hurriedly with no other extra prayer.

The rest of the midmorning went pretty well and I was actually set up at my desktop by 10:30 a.m.

After lunch things got messed up. One aide went home, which left three to handle everything. Usually there are three aides on the weekend. But an extra aide is welcome.

I always have trouble getting set back up at my desktop PC. Since the aides don't always have time to set me back up at the desktop PC after lunch, they are out of practice doing it. So, it takes them longer. Only a couple of them can do it quickly.

A while after I asked to be set up, I had to go to the bathroom, and told an aide. She told me she was too busy. I rolled the hallways waiting.

An hour later I was still waiting. But, I couldn't wait any longer and wet my pants. That upset and embarrassed me.

It took another hour before the aides could clean me up. Aides just kept walking by me in the hallway.

The day was rough for nurses and aides because a long-term care resident was dying. Most of the staff were client.

Later, I apologized to my aide for being upset at the shorthanded situation. Nevertheless, when they're shorthanded, waiting is frustrating

The death hall

I guess I never really thought that a rehab hall in a nursing home with end up being the death ward. I know residents die in nursing homes, more frequently in some, than others. But I guess I never really thought about it when I came here.

At my previous facility there was a death every three to six months. But, that could vary depending on how many residents were on hospice and declining. So, sometimes it was more often than every few months. And there, like every nursing home, deaths came in threes, just like the clock.

But when I came here I thought most rehab folks were coming here after surgery: hip replacements, knee replacements, shoulder replacements, cardiac bypass surgery, and stroke recovery. But I was wrong. They also have hospice residents on the rehab hall. I didn't know that at first, because I didn't know which residents were on hospice.

I don't think I was here very long before a resident died. I suppose if it was mentioned at all, I had no idea who the resident was. I also noticed that there were many elderly residents who were declining. I think it would be difficult coming to work every day wondering which resident would be next to pass.

When a resident is dying, with or without hospice, each facility has amenities available for family members. At my first facility, the dying resident's family got a cart with a carafe of coffee, and condiments, along with different snacks, and fruit. That cart was replenished frequently during the day.

Here, the facility has a hall cart available all the time with hot coffee and hot water for tea/hot chocolate. The facility provides snack foods, candy, and a guest tray, if requested, by the dying resident's family. There's also a soft drink dispenser in the dining room available gratis to anyone.

To me, it seems the quiet is different here when someone is dying. It's as if the silence is pervasive. There seems to be no sound of life nearby, even in the hallways. A few days ago when a female resident was passing, I didn't even hear laughter.

All of this makes me a little sad. I know that death happens, every day, and will happen to all of us. But that doesn't make me want to ponder it on a mild, sunny, late November Saturday.

New shower aide

The new shower aide, I will call Cara, isn't really new. She's been an aide here for years. She has just moved from working on the floor full time to doing showers. I'm sure she's pleased that her job duties have changed.

Cara's a quiet one. She's never really done my care in my room by herself. I never knew whether that was by chance, or choice. But, she's also never been confrontational with me.

After the nurse told me I would have to wait until later to get a shower, Cara said she'd like to get it done. That was different for me to hear, and I did what I could to help her out.

After pottying, she took me to the shower. She did my whole shower routine by herself. She has helped other aides do my shower previously. So, she was a bit familiar with my routine. But I was impressed when she asked me how I wanted her to shower me. I told her briefly, and said it was a system that worked pretty well  at two different facilities. She seemed to understand that I was trying to be helpful.

Cara had my Friday, complicated shower this morning and did everything pretty quickly. I think we'll do well as a team. I told her I'm afraid of the Hoyer. I also said I don't like showering with the lift pad under me. She said that I'll have to trust her. Maybe that'll be easier to do than I thought.

Cara wrapped me quite warmly with two bath blankets to keep that kept the wet Hoyer pad away from me.

She also rolls me in a much more steady fashion in the hallway. I didn't worry about her hitting my feet on something going to and from the shower..

When she stopped in the hallway to get towels, I told her that I appreciated the fact that she made me a bit more cozy than I'd felt sitting on a wet Hoyer pad previously.

Perspective is important in everything. Cara seems to understand that residents feel better when they have choices. That'll probably make showering residents easier for her.

Thanksgiving 2017 spent in bed

I don't think I've stayed in bed on Thanksgiving in quite a while unless I was really sick. But, after I had the sweats and chills most of the night, I thought I'd better stay in bed. I run my power chair much more here than I did at my previous facility. That may indeed be wearing me out, and the extra exertion could be causing bowel upsets.

I didn't even turn the TV on. I thought about music but didn't do that either. No one got confrontational which surprised me. But, it's Thanksgiving and maybe people were trying to be kind. I have no idea but I'm glad they didn't give me trouble about it.

I felt like I was punishing myself. But, I got washed up quickly, if not as thoroughly as I like. But I'm trying to compromise. I'd like to know how they are compromising to assist me. I think compromise or detente has to be a two-way street.

I thought I might get sleepy lying in bed,, but I didn't. There were no sounds to listen to except the noisy therapists across the hall. Medicare and Medicaid no longer care that Thanksgiving day is a holiday. Therapists are not allowed to miss too many days in between therapy sessions with residents. That's why therapists now show up on holidays. They certainly didn't used to.

They said not many residents went out. Although, when I decided to stay in bed, they told me that they wouldn't have time to do me later. But, I'm sure they're some people who refuse and the aide would wait and do their care later.

It seemed like they had enough aides. But I wasn't out there to observe it. I just did not want to take the chance of being stranded in the hallway with nothing to do. I think maybe this place needs to start getting audiobooks, or something. That way I can sit out there and listen to them. I might just try to read a book. Maybe if they see how difficult it is for me they can better empathize with my situation.

The admissions coordinator came in again and fed me the Thanksgiving day dinner. I didn't eat all of it. But what I did eat was good and I was told the staffing was homemade. I don't think I've ever had homemade stuffing in a nursing home before. I also ate the pumpkin pie which tasted a lot better than what I had last year.

I don't know what the admissions coordinator is trying to do. I'm always wary when people are nice to me. I think they have an ulterior motive. I wonder what she's trying to figure out, or find out when she talks to me. But, I'm grateful she fed me Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm also grateful that it's after 6 PM on Thanksgiving day 2017, and I made it through.

… After a frenetic morning

This morning was the first day for the new shower aide. The former one was helping her. It didn't turn out to be a very good day. They seemed to have Hoyer trouble and maybe that was performance anxiety. I was afraid of what I was afraid of, and they were both afraid of me. I should've said something to make them feel better about doing me. I should've asked for their patience. When I'm stressed, I forget the game.

The game is to make people feel like they want to help you. You have to do that by praising them or trying to make them feel better about what they're doing for you. Well, I really screwed that one up this morning.

The Hoyer picked me up crooked and put me down the same way. Part of it keeps bumping my hands and my fingers. I try holding them together and it still does it.

I also get dizzy and a little nauseated when they use the Hoyer. This larger one moves really quickly. I think the other, older one, is more attuned to residents with memory problems or behavior disorders. It goes really slowly which is a friend when you're scared.

So I sounded off and preached loudly like a Baptist. But the only thing I didn't do was get white drool around my mouth which my mom said her aunt's preacher had when he exerted while preaching.

Then I had a bellyache, wanted to use the toilet, not the bedpan, and really felt queasy. I told them I would not eat unless they got me all ready:: hair combed, teeth brushed, nose blown, epilator used, and cream put on my face. Then, I said I wanted to be set up at my desktop PC. I didn't want have to look at the wall, without a call light.

The nurse wasn't happy but I got what I wanted, with some tongue clucking. Then nurse made me promise I would eat lunch. I told her I couldn't promise that for sure.

I didn't eat much lunch because I thought I could feel the ire from the aide who got one have of my tongue lashing this morning. Lunch wasn't going down right – and I left.

I got a talking to later by the admissions coordinator. I told her I was sorry but I was also afraid and really didn't know what to do. Feeling stranded makes me feel bad. I have no way to occupy myself. Lying down is not something I want to always do. But, I guess it's an option. I'm sure they'd like to tilt me in my power chair. But, that would not have alleviated my head rumble or bellyache.

Feeling like I was hunkered down, I asked for some supper. I gave them a three ounce can of tuna and dietary mixed mayonnaise with it, and put it on bread. They offered to do more. But Fritos were the rest of my meal.

I was busy writing away the bad stuff that was filling my soul, when I looked up and there was the admissions coordinator. I told her I hoped no one held a gun to her head so she would feed me. She said no one did. I tried to be funny, but didn't think it was appropriate.

She talked about her family – a safe subject. Her daughter called, the one who has trouble comprehending, and who also has behavior problems due to a birth injury. The little repartee, with her daughter, on speaker phone that her admissions coordinator mom shared with me, was cute. Her other daughter is in Pittsburgh in labor expecting a girl.

I told the admissions coordinator afterwards that she would get her reward in heaven, as my mother used to say. I also told her my dad said virtue is its own reward.

I don't even know if I told her Happy Thanksgiving. She told me to rest well and that she would be working tomorrow. All I said was, oh my.

Another day from hell

I guess we are the choices we make. But in this case it shouldn't have been that way.

When the aides came in with the Hoyer thirty minutes, or so, after I got my suppositories, I wondered what was up. The aides were the two who rile me frequently, and they know it.

Not wanting to deal with them, I said I wasn't feeling well and might not get up. I asked to use the bedpan. They stuck it under me, and left.

I put the call light on about thirty minutes later. I ended up being on the bedpan for over an hour. The aides cleaned me up on the bottom end and left. One of them returned and fed me most of my breakfast. I was pleased I was allowed to drink my tea.

I told one of the aides at 9:05 am. that I wanted to get washed up and my teeth brushed when they had time. I also said I wanted to get up. But, I also know that there's one less aide on the floor now. The shower aide has moved to activities as an assistant.

I had my call light on and off several times this morning asking to be cleaned up and to get my teeth brushed. It didn't happen. It didn't even happen when I asked the nurse. She said that the aides told me I would not get washed up until after lunch. I should have said, "Who's lunch?"

But I failed to do that. My roommate rolled up and down the halls trying to get someone to wash me up and brush my teeth. But nobody came.

One of the "rile up" aides told me, while feeding me lunch, that she felt I was trying to ruin her nursing career. That's because of an incident in September when she and two other aides came in and tried to wash me up quickly and dress me in the tiny bathroom. I yelled "assault", and "rape". They were assaulting me, most assuredly.

In the middle of everything, and my lunch, I told the aide feeding me that was abuse. She said it wasn't and walked out. I didn't get to finish my lunch or drink very much.

The director of nursing got on me and said I can't accuse aides of abuse. I said that neglect comes first. I told her I felt NOT washing me up and brushing my teeth is neglect.

Right before 2 PM quitting time I got a slipshod washup with MY baby wipes after ALL LUNCHES were over. It was hit or miss washup, mostly miss. And my teeth did not get brushed until second shift got here.

I guess I'm in between the devil and the deep blue sea – again. Plus, I cried most of the morning and early afternoon, and my eyes hurt.

Call off caused me to have a late snack

I'm really getting so tired of eating my snack late because there are not enough aides working. We had one call off today. She still in her probationary period. Another recently hired aide who started about two to three weeks ago disappeared. She apparently was fired or quit after calling off.

I know some of these aides probably had their applications in at several nursing homes. They probably wanted a job somewhere and took the first job at the facility that called them back. But, when a new hire works a while and then quits, it really leaves a hole in the schedule.

This evening two aides are struggling to do the work of three. I have no idea when they'll get time to feed me my snack, I eat it instead of the higher calorie supper.. I don't like to eat too close to bedtime.

I wish now I had brought up getting my snacks late at my care conference. Although, it was on my notes in front of me, I said nothing about it. However, the administrator sat beside me and I'm pretty sure he read what was on that printed piece of paper.

I just don't understand why they didn't ask me if I could eat earlier. And the 6 AM to 6 PM aide was here. She could so easily have fed me if she stayed over a few minutes. But, maybe management wouldn't authorize it.

This facility pays higher wages than my previous facility. I guess they don't want aides staying over after their shift ends. Although, a few aides work multiple days in a row.

I know what happened. This is the day off for the weekend aides that work during the week. Maybe they could consider giving days off on Tuesdays or Wednesdays.

They really need an aide on standby. But, I have no idea how that would work. I think someone could work as a fill in here, and work every day of the week.

***

Ironically, my aide came a little after 7 PM and offered to feed me snack. But, since I'd been worried about it, and had a bellyache. I only ate about six or eight pretzel crisps. My aide looked so tired. I felt so sorry for her. But, at least she tried.

The touchpad's is glitching again

I wonder what's causing my desktop PC to glitch. It still has Windows 7 Home Edition on it, and I hope that's not the reason I'm having difficulties. My touchpad freezes up. It almost seems like a power problem or that the hard drive is not spinning fast enough. But I can't find what's causing it. I'm going to search online for answers, or call a computer tech to see what's up.

I was getting an error message when I shut down the desktop for a couple of weeks. I googled it and saw that an error message could show up because Firefox was older edition. Online, it said to uninstall it and re-download it. After I did that yesterday,, the error message didn't pop up.

But, unfortunately today my touchpad locked up. It was difficult to shut down the desktop. One of the nurse aides had to do it for me with a lot of patience. The touchpad was not working properly.

When I shut it down, the error message was there again. It was very difficult to try to close the box it was in. So, the aide had to force the desktop to shut down which it did.

I've had a lot of trouble with the touchpad since I came here. It wouldn't work so my sister brought me a new one. It worked well and then it became glitchy. My touchpad worked better before I came here. I wonder if the Guest Wi-Fi is to blame.

Of course, it could be my Dragon Naturally Speaking 11.5 which I've had on the desktop for five years. Maybe it's just not working even though I still have Windows 7 Home Edition on the desktop. I didn't choose to upgrade to Windows 10 because I would've had to buy a new version of Dragon speech recognition software and its more expensive than it used to be.

I'm wondering if I'm going to have to call a computer tech. But, I don't going to spend too much trying to figure out what's wrong with my desktop. But maybe, I can find a computer geek in the area who can help me out.

I wish we had a computer geek who worked at this nursing home.

I'm tired of moving and don't want to do it again

My care conference also brought up the fact that the director of nursing says they are planning to put me in a semi private room on the long term care hall. They are considerably smaller than this one. They say there is no room for my desktop and that's my best computer.

To say I'm upset about this is putting it mildly. But there is little that I can do. The nursing home ombudsman says they cannot move me to another room if it does not meet my needs. Now that I use a Hoyer lift, that adds another big piece of equipment that will be in and out of the already small half of a semi private room. I just don't understand why they make the rooms so small. The semi private rooms here are all small except for the larger ones, located on each end, where I am now.

I was offered the semi private on the long-term care hall a few weeks ago. But, I like my roommate and I didn't really want to leave her. The female resident down there is nice. However, I was afraid with her family nearby and friends, that my privacy would be very minimal. Since I'm a writer, it's important for me to have some quiet time.

So, I have a lot to think about. The facility suggested an assisted living home which they think will be better. But I don't like the idea. I didn't do assisted living in the 90s, so why would I do it over 20 years later. I need more assistance, not less, I also do not want to be pigeonholed In a efficiency apartment which is really more space than I want. I know exactly what they look like. I saw a home for developmentally disabled, not mentally retarded individuals, when my sister lived in Michigan.

The home was brand-new and each room had a bed, small refrigerator, sink, and small cooking surface. Back then, it would have been a better transition than the one to a nursing home. But the doors were too happy and there was no one on-duty during the night. All residents would've had, would have been an emergency alert like Lifeline. It was to be used if there was an emergency, or problem during the night and the emergency squad would come. My father wasn't comfortable with me being left alone during the night. I already knew I couldn't be happy in that space.

The ombudsman told me she's already emailed the facility information which requires them to meet my needs.

They knew before I came that I'm a part-time paid blogger online.

I hope they reconsider and allow me room with sufficient space.

Without family around, there'll be no jitters

I've been eating Thanksgiving dinner in nursing homes since 1996. I don't remember the first Thanksgiving, but I know they served us turkey. That's what I had every year at my first nursing home. In addition to that, one week before Thanksgiving there was a Family Thanksgiving Dinner which featured turkey and all the trimmings. It wasn't like mom's turkey dinner, nor like mine, but it was the Thanksgiving dinner that I was grateful for.

My sister and I decided the best thing to do was to celebrate holidays before they happened – or right afterwards. That way, there was more than one Thanksgiving celebration. When my niece was younger, my sister and her family came to the Family Thanksgiving Dinner. But when my niece got to high school she was busy with school activities and could no longer come. My sister arranged for us to go out for a Thanksgiving celebration at a special or different restaurant. We didn't have turkey and all the trimmings. But we were able to spent time together.

I showed a couple of younger friends how to make a Thanksgiving or Christmas turkey dinner. In that way I could pass on my family's tradition.. But, I also thought getting together with my sister and her family near Thanksgiving allowed us to honor it too.

I went to my sister's for Thanksgiving in 1982, 2013, and 2014. It was difficult to visit her home, 50 miles away, when I lived at my first nursing home. But, I could get there for special occasions.

So, again this year, I'll spend Thanksgiving at my third facility without family present. A few residents will go out, including my roommate.

But some residents will be here all day. I will eat Thanksgiving dinner with the other residents in the dining room like I've done for the last seven years.

It'll be interesting to see what Thanksgiving's like at this rural facility, which has more visitors and I've seen in a while.

As I said in the title, I don't need to have jitters. Without family here, I have no fear of stepping on a family member's toes. But, at my house growing up, we were never concerned about that.

Care conference problematic

I had to do all my own talking, as I usually do. Trying to explain that I want my care done by a certain time is difficult. The director of nursing said they can get me up sooner. But, the night shift nurse has said previously it's not possible. The only way that can change is if I have a different nurse than that one be my nurse.. The director of nursing tried at the end of September to have night shift aides get me up. But, the night nurse said they could not accommodate my needs here. I didn't tell the director of nursing what he told me. So, I wonder what he told the director of nursing. Did the nurse say I refused to get up?. In the care conference today I told them that the night shift nurse said he could not get me up until he saw there were sufficient aides on dayshift.

Then I was told I will he moved to the long-term care hall because that's where I should be. That means a smaller room and less space for my desktop and other things. The director of nursing said I can take my laptop computer, but not my desktop because of available space. The rooms are tiny. I turned the small one down when I first came. I guess I've always felt coming here was kind of a "bait and switch". I think they advertised one thing and I got something else.

Then they brought up that I can move to an assisted living facility about 10 minutes away. I told them I can't do assisted living because they don't have enough aide assistance. They described an efficiency apartment, one of sixteen, in the building. I told them efficiency is too much space. In my mind I can see myself being a prisoner in my room because that's where I'd have something to do.

Everyone was nice no one got brash. But, I did say it took a while at both of my previous nursing homes to get me into the scheme of things. Then the administrator had to ask why I wasn't there anymore. I told him because they threw me out. That's all I said about it today. The managers may not have known it. But, I told the staff from the first day.

I don't know if all this is going to work out. And somehow I think I will be blamed if it doesn't. They will say that my care routine is just too much for the aides to handle.

The shower aide thinks I'm selfish

In the beginning the shower aide and floor aide I'll call Rita made me a bit uncomfortable. At first I thought I liked her. Then, I decided I wasn't really sure about it.

Rita seems to be moody or maybe depressed. She, like me, doesn't smile very much. But she smiles when it counts, or when men are around.

Rita's been giving me my showers, except for a couple of them, since I came. I asked if she liked being a shower aide and she didn't really say. So I she wasn't sure how she felt about it. She admitted she'd worked at other nursing homes before coming here. After she moved back to this town, working here may have become easier..

I heard Rita is moving to activities, as an assistant. She says she'll like that better. But, I wonder. It also will involve her working every other weekend, which she hasn't had to do lately.

This morning I was aggravated because Rita I feel like she didn't want to do one personal grooming item on my a.m. care. I think she feels that me wanting an aide to use my epilator to remove superfluous hair on my face, isn't necessary. I want it used three days a week. But, missing days, can make it more difficult to remove hairs. But, Rita told me she thinks I'm selfish regarding my personal care.

Rita said when the aides are doing extra things for me, other residents are doing without care. I wonder if that's true. Male residents are shaved regularly and have no stubble, except for those with facial hair.. I haven't noticed hair on the faces of female residents either. I don't know why Rita and another aide feel they have to criticize me for wanting to be well-groomed and wanting a hair free face. There must always be an aide like Rita, who thinks I'm too clean and too particular.

Near the and of breakfast, Rita said I probably think all the aides are awful. I told her I didn't think that. I just wondered if a female manager would run the epilator on my face for me, since some are trained nurse aides.

Rita feels I should compromise on the personal care I want done. I could suggest that the epilator be used twice a week, instead of three .. However, having it used three times a week assures me no hair will show. I also think it's easier to use the epilator right after I've had a shower. Granny chin hairs can be removed easily with a razor or an epilator. However, Rita seems to want to disagree with me about it.

I'd  like to get rid of the selfish aura a couple of aides have attached to me. But, since I've been deemed picky, some aides feel all my needs are excessive.

Care conference tomorrow

My first care conference at this facility is tomorrow. Usually, there are care conferences held every three months. We are getting close to that timeline.

In the beginning I had a male aide who was able to do my care. But, on days that they were short, I was told I would get the express version of my morning routine. That didn't please me. But now I do get three showers a week instead of two, which makes me feel more comfortable.

But there are several issues we have to work out. I have no usable call light when I'm on my desktop PC. Yes, I can call the nurses' station on my PCs' Skype phone. But, I'd feel more comfortable using a call light.

I'm wondering if there ever will be enough aides to handle the hallway while an aide does my care. I feel I'm always begging and bartering to get things done. I think at first the aides liked spending time with me. I don't know if management but the kibosh on that or what. I just know they spend less time with me now.

At my previous two facilities, I would've been able to have an aide put makeup on me if I requested it. Here, I've never asked to have makeup applied in the over two months I've been here. There always seems to be a rush when the aides come into my room to do something.

A friend of mine was supposed to attend tomorrow's care conference. But she had to cancel out due to another commitment. However, the ombudsman is coming and she will represent my interests.

In a way I hate using the ombudsman. I feel like a mafiosi bringing the ombudsman rep like a hired gun, to prompt them to listen and address my concerns.

But, in the nursing home world call words can be twisted and misconstrued. This way I have an objective third person there to listen to my problems, and assist me to get solutions..

I certainly hope the facility managers who attend the care conference will understand how things look for my angle.

***I posted this Tuesday evening and I thought my care conference was the next day Wednesday, November 15, 2017.

I found out this morning that I messed up the date. It wasn't on Wednesday. In fact, it's scheduled for Thursday, November 16 at 10:30 a.m.

So I will have another night of angst worrying about what will happen.

I don't know if were aides would solve my "getting a.m. care problem", but, it wouldn't hurt.

When there's no Hoyer pad available

I've always thought that Hoyer lifts are restrictive. They do lift and work pretty well. But the Hoyer lift needs to be maintained and the battery needs to be charged. The other thing that's required is to make sure there's a Hoyer pad to use.

Today, the shower aide was late and so was my shower. I don't know if anyone checked before my shower to see if there was a dry Hoyer pad ready to use. The pad I use has a hole in the bottom for toileting. But that means it has to stay under me when I get a shower. Since they don't have a shower bed here, the only way for me to be showered is in a shower chair with the Hoyer pad under me.

When they finished my shower, they went to get a dry Hoyer pad. That's when they found there wasn't one. I was told I would have to go to bed until one was dry. The aides could only put me in bed to be able to remove the wet Hoyer pad.

I was dejected to say the least. Mondays are usually bad enough. And then the shower aide had the audacity to bounce a Monday by being late. I got back into bed chilling from the ride from the shower on a wet pad.

It was over an hour later when they said a dry pad was available. By then, I was aggravated, developed a stomachache, and decided to stay in bed. I was about to be late for lunch anyway.

I certainly hope the facility will decide that a removable, universal Hoyer pad is what I need. Even if they require me to leave the universal pad behind me when I'm in the facility, I'd like it to be removed before I get a shower, and when I want to go out.

That way, there will be no nursing home evidence attached to me.

Helping an 18-year-old learn to step up

I'll call the youngest aide here, Ellen. She's in nursing school and works every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She is kind of aloof and acts a bit like she's better than everyone else. Ellen's always been nice to me, if a bit remote. But the other aides say she tells them what they should do. I've not heard her do it. But the aides say it's aggravating.

Today a 6 AM to 6 PM aide called off. That meant that Ellen had the whole rehab hall with eleven residents to do by herself. There are two other aides on these front two halls. But they usually have to stay on South Hall  because it's for long-term care residents, and is usually busy.

Ellen did all my a.m. care while I was still in bed. I wanted to get up for breakfast but couldn't because an aide couldn't get free long enough to assist Ellen to get me up with the lawyer. But there was more to it than that. If an aide had helped, I would've been ready for breakfast. Leaving Ellen alone to work by herself showed her what it's like to care for residents without another aide..

Ellen was reticent about doing me. She told me an older, more experienced aide told her she's not doing a good job. I told Ellen no one should say that. Other aides ought to make suggestions and be helpful.

So, I told Ellen I thought she could get my care done, and me ready, like the other aides wanted. Being one aide short this morning  meant I was behind schedule. Still, I thought if Ellen had a goal to reach for it might give her some incentive. I told Ellen trying things on her own we'll teach her things. I also reminded her that there'll be times when she'll have to do resident care on her own.

Ellen wanted to give up. Just the thought of being on her own, made her doubt herself. I coached her and encouraged her and tried to teach some shortcuts and body mechanics that will help her. I encouraged her to keep going and doing.

I know she was nervous but she made it through and did all my a.m. care. However when Ellen went to lunch one of the other aides gave care to some of Ellen's residents.

I have no idea why Ellen is aloof with me and bossy with some of the aides. But she needs to try to listen and just do.

If she has any real talent for healthcare, others will be able to see it through her work.

Mystery aide on the schedule

I remember from my previous two nursing homes that sometimes an aide was scheduled at a strange time, and everybody wondered why. Many times the aides chatted about it when they were doing my care. They'd try to figure out if the scheduler made a mistake, and if so, why. Sometimes the aide's name written in was an aide who'd quit, but who was supposed to be working "as needed". Sometimes when aides left they  offered to work occasionally. I think some of them did that to feel better about leaving and to offer something to their previous employer. But, occasionally the aide had no intention of ever working at that facility again..

I also wondered if at times the scheduler just "penciled in" an aide's name to fill an un-fillable schedule. I wondered how they can feel good about the dishonesty doing that. However, I do realize that there hard times when there aren't enough aides available to fill the open spots. The scheduler also might've thought that one, or more, of the aides would pick up a day, or say over to get the hours.

Even if the scheduler does everything properly, aides call off sick, and sometimes just don't show up. I lived at one facility where the scheduler would just have a chat with aides who didn't show, instead of firing them and hiring another aide who might show up.

Today the aides were scrambling because they were short one. There are a lot of rehab residents on this unit. They really do need two aides on each of the halls, and I even think they could use an aide who floats between both halls. I understand why management doesn't want an aide to float. The aide who floats is difficult to keep track of. And if the flow likes to disappear, or go outside to smoke often, she/she can do that easier when acting as a float.

I saw the irritation in the aides when they realized there was an obvious scheduling error. I think the aides realized that an aide who'd quit had been penciled in with the hope it would work out.

I have to say today things worked out, but it took much longer than usual.

Sitting on a Hoyer pad

I've been using the Hoyer for three days. The one thing I don't like about it is I have to sit on it the whole time I'm up. Both of my previous nursing homes had Hoyer pads that could be removed after a transfer. I didn't HAVE TO go out with a Hoyer pad under me. Both, nursing homes had a Hoyer pad that could be pulled out from behind my back after a transfer. My first nursing home removed the pad after each transfer. My second left it behind me while I was in the facility, but they would take it out when I went on an outing.

I was sitting looking out the unit door at the remnants of the falling leaves. I was also thinking about how the landscaping around the facility's sign needs to be cleaned up.

Then I turned and my sister was walking the other way. I haven't seen her since mid-October. It was a chilly but beautiful day and I so wanted to get out, even though there were tons of things that we needed to do here.

I told her I was sitting on a Hoyer pad. I said I didn't think there was any way the pad could be pushed down so it would not show. . My sister said the Hoyer pad didn't matter, and we could go out anyway. I told her going out sitting on the Hoyer pad wasn't what I wanted to do.

I went down and talked to the director of nursing. I asked if the aides could switch out Hoyer pads before I went out because I felt uncomfortable with it under me. She said the aides could switch it. But, I told her it was resident lunchtime and I did not want to interrupt their meal by taking aides away from. It was warm inside yesterday and I was doubly uncomfortable with that mesh, Hoyer pad under me.,

My sister said she thought the nurses felt I should just adapt to sitting on a Hoyer pad all day. I told her I felt my dignity was compromised because I had to go out with a lift pad under me. If they had said, they were ordering a couple of them and could I make it through in the interim, it might've been different. I like to be asked to cooperate rather than have a decision pushed on me. I told my sister that we can always empathize with another's situation because we have no idea why they feel the way they do because we are not experiencing it.

Ultimately, I told the director of nursing I'd just stay in. I explained that I had told the nurse aides after breakfast that I might go out. I asked if there was a removable Hoyer pad and they said there was. They didn't say if it was available for me to use.

I decided to just give up the battle. I wondered if they even understood how I felt.

I would think in 2017 that no disabled person who uses a Hoyer lift, particularly a nursing home resident, should be required to sit on a Hoyer pad all day.

A sunshine aide, hope she never changes

An aide I'll call Sally started on second shift this week. She's one of those can-do people. She's so refreshing because she doesn't complain and she acts like everything is doable. Sally's also very kind and calm.

I think the first night Sally worked she set me up with my laptop. Some aides think that's a major chore but she took it right on. Sally told me she's been an aide for six years. But she said her three children have taught her the most. She said she thinks she's just a natural nurse aide. I have to say I think she's right.

Sally told me she has studied to be a nurse, and changed her major to social work. Each time she had to take more classes. At the end of it Sally's funding ran out. She has 180 credits but hasn't graduated. She said she doesn't have much left to finish nursing.

No matter how many aides there are, and how grumpy some can be, there are always a few that surprise me in amazing ways. Its like finding an angel which is quite a prize.

Today, Sally came in and now that I'm using the Hoyer I thought I would see how she did with that. She did fine. The aide who is orientating her had to go help with another resident, and Sally got me undressed by herself, and put on my gown, set me up in bed, and got my laptop situated in front of me. She did it well again. I wonder if her attitude helps her accomplish more, easier than some aides.

After Sally finished, I asked if she'd cut my fingernails sometime. I said they're Long and I'm afraid I'll scratch myself or one of the aides. Sally said she could cut them, and asked where my nail clippers were. I told her they were locked and Sally proceeded to find a pair in a basket on top of my bedside stand. I wasn't even aware they were there. It's like they mysteriously appeared, and I wondered if she pulled them from her pocket.

Sally asked if I was diabetic, and I said I wasn't. She told me she could still cut my fingernails if I was diabetic, but she couldn't do my toenails. I told her no other aide has ever told me that. I said that many aides are reticent about cutting fingernails. I never knew exactly why. Maybe some aides feel they're not steady enough to do it. But, in a nursing home like this, we need more aides with Sally's attitude.

After my nails were cut, I told her it's amazing I didn't have to pull teeth to get them done.

I really hope the nursing home's management, or the bustle of every day work, don't change Sally's innate way with residents.

Touchpad going bad

For the last two nights my touchpad has become erratic. It will not click correctly and I think that maybe means the button is broken, or breaking.

I can't remember if I have another of this brand or not. I know that the brand of touchpad that works with my desktop doesn't necessarily work with my laptop.

I spent forty-five minutes last night trying to figure out what I could do without a touchpad. There really isn't much. It's terrible to say that I don't know how to use my Dragon speech recognition software to navigate on a page. I never thought I needed to know that. Obviously, I do. So I may go about reading how that works.

It seems like all I've done in the last three or four years is is buy new touchpads. They just go bad so fast. I've bought that when I opened them they wouldn't work. Then I had to send it back. In one case I never opened up the box because I always left the backup touchpad in the box.. I was certainly surprised when the touchpad wouldn't work and I couldn't automatically send it back and get a refund. I had to check with the manufacturer to see if they had a warranty. If they didn't, I'd be out the price of the touchpad.

But for me, it's an essential piece of equipment. I've been using one since 1997 when Ohio's Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation brought me one to use. After that, I was sold. I only bought one brand until I saw another brand of touchpad that was less expensive on Amazon. I bought it, and used it. But, it didn't last as long as the other brand I usually purchased.

I have a feeling that my Dragon voice activation software does not work well with touchpads. And that's not good because I need one.

Tonight I have to go look to see how much this brand of touchpad costs. There is also a new brand, I'm not familiar with, that's only $19.95. Somehow I think that's way too cheap. The touchpad is supposedly made in Germany. I just wonder if the company is to build up a customer base by selling them at such a reasonable price. When I checked out the reviews, the new brand touchpad worked for some, and not for others.

The same is true with the other two brands of wired touchpads.

Fear of the Hoyer

It's terrible that I'm afraid of the Hoyer lift. The reason is I was dropped hard onto a bedside commode at the hospital in my hometown, near my first nursing home. The aide who Hoyered me was not experienced enough using it. She did not know how to lower it properly. Though I was only dropped a few inches. It seemed like a freefall to me.

It was aggravating because I had suggested to the aide how it should be used. I had seen it operated so many times living in a nursing home. Somehow the Hoyer pad wasn't right, or the aide let the Hoyer down  too fast. I'm really glad I wasn't dropped to the floor. But it really scared me.

I wouldn't use that Hoyer again and I really needed it because I had cellulitis in my weaker right leg. I hired a home health aide who operated the lift, and trained others to do it correctly. She also helped me with transfers, bathing, and hair washing for the ten days I was in the hospital for IV antibiotics.

I didn't use a Hoyer again until ten years later. I almost got dropped that time also. The registered nurse who was helping with the Hoyer forgot to cross the straps under me and I almost dropped like a rock. Luckily, one of the aides saw the error and grabbed hold of me.

This morning I used the Hoyer here. I was already told that one of its functions wasn't working. I asked if they had another lift. The director of nursing helped to assure me I'd be safe getting into my shower chair. The strap on this lift pushed really hard on my right leg. It may not have been under me evenly. It's also very thin and it hurt my leg. Unfortunately, I yipped a bit which I think scared my roommate.

I got a shower, hair washed, the whole thing. But, since I'm afraid, using the lift slower would be better for me. I became concerned when I was told one of the Hoyer's functions wasn't working. Some type of mechanism which they said would have made it easier to get me back into my shower chair. After being dropped in a lift, I've learned to be cautious.

My roommate's daughter told me they were working on the lift in the hallway. Maybe they can get that other function going again. If that lift could get me back further in the shower chair, that would be helpful.

A thunderstorm and tornado warning up close and personal

Earlier today we had a tornado warning. It's November and that usually doesn't happen., But, if you don't like the weather in Ohio, just wait, and it will change.

So they've been kind of watching us all day expecting some type of windy conditions and possibly a tornado.

The barometer is really low for this time of year unless it's snowing. And we would be having one whale of a blizzard if it was cold enough.

I was sitting here on my laptop and they came through and shut all the doors. The blinds have been closed since mid day because of a tornado warning.

The power went out and came back on. Hallelujah! Then, an aide came in to throw blankets over me to protect me from the glass from the windows. But I told the aide I can't put anything over my face because I can't stand it. I told her father my breathing, and she left.

All residents are in their rooms. No one is allowed in the hallway. My roomie is going nuts because she can't get out there and see the action.

I'm used to these tornadoes because I was born in southeastern Ohio where they are quite prevalent, warnings that is, not always tornadoes, in the summertime. I've been in the basement during a tornado warning. I've been in the car driving under a "not quite touched down tornado cloud" on I70. I also saw a tornado touch down as we were driving north on Rt. 33 going to Columbus. We arrived at the mall and had to sit down. We asked if we could shop and they told us we could. So we did. There was hardly anybody in the store. The employees walked with us with a flashlight. The storm passed and we made it home okay only to find a tornado warning and no power at our house. But, no tornado got us that night.

I saw online that the storms are expected here for the next couple of hours. But, the worst of it was about twenty minutes ago. According to radar the storm should be moving through at about forty-five miles an hour.

I'm so glad either they have a big enough generator to keep everything running, or the power came back on.

Since all the resident room doors were closed for two hours, it was very quiet in here.

No snack last night, not up today

I don't even know whether they thought about my snack after I asked around 8 PM. The nurse said the aides would feed me a snack when  they had time. Obviously, they never found the time because I got no snack. They have to know that it's hard to sleep when you're hungry.

So it wasn't a very good night. My roommate who's a sweetie had her TV on quite loud. Usually, my earplugs drown it. But not last night. The aides pushed them in, and pushed them in and they wouldn't stay or tamp down the noise.

Eventually, in the middle of the night I had to ask my roommate to turn her TV down. She eventually doused the sound, bless her. Sometime after that I went to sleep.

But four hours of sleep is not enough.

I was told I had to use the bedpan this morning because there's no way to get me in the shower chair over the toilet with the lift they have here. After I heard that, I decided to stay in bed.

I laid in bed and rested. I'm so upset by what they've done. They've taken my ability to get up and help myself as much as I can, away from me.

I cried and cried today. That's the only way I know to relieve the pressure. I hold it in a lot. Sometimes my eyes even water when I'm upset, but I can't cry.

I never saw the lift they're supposed to use. Nor did I see any type of pad to put under me.

I'm kind of had the poops today. I wonder if it's from the stress. Or, if it could be from the flu shot I got the other day.

I'm hoping tomorrow would be better. But, I wonder what I can do to make it better.

After two months here, back on the Hoyer

I'm at a different facility with a more conventional nursing home population. That means there are more two assist residents here then at my second facility.

I wondered when I came here if they would let me do precarious transfers with just two aides assisting me. A couple of them felt comfortable enough to stand me by themselves, while the other did the maneuvering of chair and clothing. But they were in the minority. So, I endured unsteady transfers for just a little over two months.

In the last couple of days we've had a couple of close calls. I've almost hurt my right ankle by twisting it to stand out of bed, and they've almost dropped me. That surprises me because nothing like that occurred at my previous two nursing homes.

But the rules here seem to be hard and fast. One of the dayshift, as needed aides, doesn't like transferring me this way, and thinks I'm too much of a bother because of my wash up routine. So, I know she disapproves of me standing and has recommended the Hoyer. She thinks I don't care about her or the other aides, and whether they get hurt or not. That's not true. But I'm concerned about my well-being. Everything gets messed up when I have to use the Hoyer.

The director of nursing came in a little after 5 PM today to tell me I'm back on the Hoyer. She warned me a couple of days ago. I begged her not to put me back on that horrible, impersonal device. And she gave me a reprieve for a couple of days.

Earlier when I got into bed the aides were inexperienced and made a mistake, and if they had not been rescued, I would've fallen. The DON said I'm back on the Hoyer. Because of yesterday's incident. She says it's just for the weekend until physical therapy can evaluate my ability to stand. But, I'm not believing it.

I lost a lot of my ability when I moved to a nursing home. I ended up being placed where I'd be busy and not be a bother.

I'd like to just stop eating and drinking and die. But I'll still have to endure whatever happens here, until I'm not here anymore.

I put the call light on about twenty-five minutes ago because I decided to eat something, just a snack, like usual. But, since no one got here quickly, I wondered what's going on.

I found out when the nurse came in with an aide to answer my call light. A newer, mature aide was vomiting and had to go home. I don't know if we have even two aides for forty-two people right now.

The nurse told me I'll get a snack when an aide can feed me. I wonder how late that'll be.

How to get the van to the garage

I know not many nursing home residents have vehicles, but I do. I was able to be in a disabled workers program while living in my first and second nursing homes. I was able to save for a used van with a fold-down ramp in the back. I was also able to maintain it until I turned 65, and was no longer eligible for that program. After that, but income went down.

It was easier when I could just direct the repair of the van. Now, my sister will have to help with the cost of repairs. Having a van provides an accessible vehicle so my sister and my friends can take me out.

My van has gotten only oil changes since 2014. They say it needs new brakes but I can't afford them. It isn't driven that much anyway. Previously I lived in a larger city and most of my travels were ten miles round-trip from the nursing home.

But the engine light came on and an employee who started the van for me saw it. My sister wants the light checked out, the oil changed, and new antifreeze. But the problem is I haven't been able to find a local garage that will pick up my van and return it – even for a fee.

Today, I emailed the nursing home to see if one of their managers, or possibly two, can drop my van at the garage at the end of their workday. The assistant business office manager said she'd ask about it.

The engine light could be something minor, or major.

I got an estimate at the garage which is the closest to this nursing home. I'm hoping that will make it easier for a manager (or two) from the nursing home to get it there and back.

One of my friends could take it when they visit. But, someone here would have to drive their vehicle to the garage, so they'd have a way to get back here.

I'm hoping I can get this worked out.

A care conference canceled

I was dreading a care conference yesterday. So, when the regional ombudsman canceled because of the personal emergency this morning by email, I was kind of relieved.

The ombudsman told me I could go ahead and have the care conference. But since no one else was attending with me, or calling in, I decided to cancel it.

I emailed a friend and she offered to attend with me if the conference could be scheduled on a Monday Wednesday, or Friday when she could attend.

I don't think I should try to schedule another care conference, without the ombudsman present, without any input. I emailed my sister but I think she feels the ombudsman should be here for it.. I think it'd be fine if my friend who offered to attend called in instead for a 2 PM meeting. I hate to have to ask anyone to be here at 2 PM. I much prefer to have them in the mornings or in the early afternoon.

I'm getting the feeling that this place isn't happy that there wasn't a care conference. The director of nursing came down today and told me she never heard from the ombudsman and asked me what happened. I said I got email yesterday morning saying the ombudsman had a personal emergency and that she could not come. The ombudsman said I could contact her supervisor. Instead, I emailed back that I was canceling the care conference. Obviously, the ombudsman didn't call here. text.

The DON (director of nursing) came down this afternoon and told me that because I said I hurt when I get up in the morning, I have to use the Hoyer. I begged her not to put me back on the Hoyer. I told her I spent three months at Harding trying to get off the Hoyer. I told her my bowels wouldn't move, I wasn't straight in any chair and I never got to stand.

It's not really my fault that they can't transfer me the way the aides did (using three aides) at a previous facility. I'm not used to doing all my transfers with just two aides. I haven't done that since 2010. .

It feels like everything's all up in the air again. I told the DON that this facility probably wants to get rid of me also. I told her nobody wants me. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I told the director of nursing I just wanted to have some type of life like everyone does.