Strategizing an Involuntary Discharge Notice

I went out with my friend Mike today and we had a fairly nice day. I got my hair trimmed, I shopped for a while, we had lunch, and we returned a bit late.

I thought it was strange that I was almost escorted to my room by my aide, which never happens. She assisted me to get to the bathroom and the other two were trailing in behind. It seems like they have been doing that all day today. It's like there is a holding pen out there for aides.

After I was in bed, but not set up, Jess asked me if I had a woman with me visiting. I told her it was just Mike and that he was already gone. She said there was a woman out there waiting to see me. I thought to myself, uh oh, I wonder who that is?.

Stephanie told me it was the administrator of the nursing home about 40 miles away. I said I did not have an appointment scheduled, nor did I want to move there, so I did not want to see her. I assumed she left.

After a while, the aides came in and set me up with my laptop.

I emailed the ombudsman to let her know what had transpired since I returned. It is after hours and I knew I would not get a response. I made sure my sister and a couple of friends got copies of the emails.

While I was working on my journal, my sister called and we talked about having another facility visitor who wanted to talk about me moving.

In the midst of our discussion the administrator, nurse manager, and another female came in to tell me that they were issuing me another Involuntary Discharge 30 day Notice. I kept Janice on the phone for moral support. Although, she said she was not able to hear them. I asked the administrator if she would scan the letter because I could not read it otherwise. She said she would, and she did.

So I'm going to appeal it. But that's only to give me time. I told Janice I need to get rid of my extra stuff here and see if I can downsize what I have. Then, I will look for another place. I may move to the town 40 miles away if they'll take me. Who knows, they might even give me a decent place to live. But, I somehow doubt it.

I just wonder if the Ohio Department of Health knows how much retribution residents or their family members have to suffer after they make a complaint.

A backwards Sunday

I wonder if a dayshift aide ever considers the consequences to their coworkers when they call off, especially on a Sunday. After all, we have fewer aides, only three, on weekend days. Any dayshift aide who calls off should know their coworkers will have a challenging day. It's also almost impossible to get another aide to fill in, particularly on a Sunday.

Today, we residents dealt with the one aide call off scenario. We had two aides and a night shift aide stayed over until 10 AM. He was able to help with breakfast by assisting residents to eat, including me.

But, let's face it. Night shift aides are not used to the fast pace of dayshift. I bet watching the aides moving around made him almost fall into a hypnotic state after he'd been here all night.

My aide was late getting to me. She was already on a different section of the hall doing rounds when she heard there was a call off. Then, she had to abandon that assignment and instead come to assist me.

I was so concerned sitting in the bathroom waiting for my aide to come and do my wash up to get me ready for the day. I don't think anyone can really understand how antsy I was wondering what was going on to make her so late.

My aide got me ready quickly enough, even with her late start. That meant serving breakfast was already behind, because it hadn't even started yet.

But, without the third aide, lunch was more difficult. A housekeeper helped to pass the trays. But, with the slowest cook overseeing the newest dietary aides, things moved even slower. Even though I understood dietary was struggling, I wish the cook had thought to undercook our entrée. That way it might not have dried-up waiting in the steam table.

Since I got my meal last, the boneless chicken thigh, was dry and hard. The potato smiles were okay but I only got four of them. I decided to eat the strawberry rhubarb pie to fill up.

In the end, it was a mentally tiring day watching the aides and the dietary staff struggle to do a more difficult job on this Sunday.

Resident radiant heater on in July

Ever since I moved to this nursing home, I noticed the temperatures in this building are strange. In the wintertime it is usually overly warm after they turn the building's heat on November 1. But, before that, I could probably freeze to death in my room. Two years ago housekeeping told me they could turn on the radiant heater above the window if I was cold, before they turned the building's heat on. A couple of days it was cold outside, and cold in my room. So, I asked them to put it on. It takes a while for the radiant heater to warm up. It's nothing like a forced air heater or furnace.

I waited for it to warm the room. When it did, it did not shut off. I could tell from the way the radiant heater works that it has no thermostat, per se. That made me kind of nervous. I decided to cover up with extra blankets at night, when it's usually coolest, and deal with it until the facility's heat was turned on.

But, in the summer, even with the air-conditioning on in the building, it still gets very warm in some spots. I also know that some residents on the other end are too cool from the AC. They sometimes ask that the AC be turned off. That's weird when I would like it to be cooler in my room. But, I know, how difficult it is to get the temperature right to please all the residents.

For months, since the spring, particularly on warmer spring days, it felt so very warm in my room. To me, it felt like the central heating was on while I was using air conditioning (my window air conditioner)  I mentioned this to almost everybody, aides, nurses, and management. I just thought it strange that it was so hot in here. I thought there had to be a reason for it.

I don't know why I didn't consider that a resident had the radiant heater on over their window. I guess I thought none of them would try to do that on their. I know my radiant heater has no knob on it. So, either the aides had to figure out how to turn it up and down without one, or I had to wait until housekeeping/maintenance was available to turn it off or on.

I heard over a week ago that the female resident next door is turning on her radiant heater. When it's on, it heats up the end part of the hall. Personally, I think the heater should be disconnected, so she cannot turn it on in the summertime. I don't think certain residents should be allowed to have the radiant heaters on unless were having a really bad cold snap. And then, it should only be put on if the outside temperature goes below a predetermined number.

Last week housekeeping had to get the maintenance man to turn my next-door neighbor's radiant heater off. This morning one of the aides said they heater was on again. It's only 73° outside today and this building is rather warm. But, I'm sure maintenance turned the ACs thermostat up due to us having lower temperatures outside.

Congregant living is problematic when some residents do not consider the welfare of others, and only are concerned about their own needs.

A scary half hour around midnight

I've been trying to get used to the night splints I started wearing almost a month ago. I did really good after the first couple of nights and went five nights wearing them most of the night. Then things went downhill, and I was only able to tolerate them for 3 to 4 hours a night before my right leg throbbed with pain.

So, I've been trying to figure out what I need to do to be able to wear them more consistently. I reasoned that maybe some aides were putting them on tighter than others. So I've been trying to "fine-tune" the process a bit.

But last night something must've gone wrong. The splints felt fine and I was able get to sleep in less than an hour after they were put on. They did not feel overly tight.

However, I woke at 12:30 a.m. like I was coming out of a bad dream or nightmare and my right leg was throbbing. I took a couple of minutes to make sure I wasn't dreaming the whole thing, only to realize that my leg was hurting so bad I didn't know how long I could stand it. I put my call light on so that an aide would come to help me.

I wondered which aide would come and what their first comment would be. Some have been very negative about me wearing the splints. They feel they will not help my ankle/foot contracture. But, I want to give them a try to see.

After ten minutes no one had answered my call light. I wondered what was going on. I knew a new male resident came in yesterday afternoon. I wondered if he was anxious and keeping the aides busy with him on his first night.

After a few more minutes, I thought I had better start to call "NURSE" to see if someone might hear me. At first, I thought maybe my call light did not come on. I've had several days recently when it was not lighting up in the hallway. As the minutes passed, I became more anxious. I started to yell a bit louder "NURSE". And I got progressively louder. I wondered where everyone was. But, I am way at almost the end of the hall, far away from the nurses station.

The more I called "NURSE" the more my leg hurt. Then, after thirty minutes, a male aide came in. I asked where he was and he said he was busy. I told him I had been calling for help for twenty minutes and told him I was pretty scared.

After that he loosened my brace and tried to make me more comfortable. I ended up needing to take them off. I never did figure out what caused it to hurt so much last night.

Dealing with hostile surroundings

There are a lot of resident changes going on in this nursing home. Earlier this year, a man close to 60 who'd lived here for over three years, moved live with others who were hearing-impaired like him. Then, yesterday I heard Social Services telling a visually impaired resident that he will soon be moving to live with visually impaired people like himself. I would think residents would be happier living with others with a similar disability. However, I don't know that for sure. They are kind of square pegs in round holes here. There is not much visually impaired or deaf residents can do for entertainment. Although, I know Social Services tried to get the visually impaired resident interested in Talking Books, without much success.,

Most of these residents live set apart from society. Some of them have no idea what's going on in the outside world. If they do have outside relationships, they are dependent on the person who visits them. The relationship is in no way equal. The person who visits is always a benefactor to those residents. I know it doesn't feel good to always be given to, even if you do need what is given.

Since my troubles with the involuntary discharge letter last week, this week, without my foreknowledge, two nursing home representatives visited me here the other day. I was shocked and them visiting felt like a curveball out of left field. In fact, I thought the first woman visited was an aide from a sister facility. I reasoned that she was coming to help me straighten my room and closets yesterday. That's something I have asked for for several months. It's amazing how wishful thinking pushes itself into all phases of my life.

I ended up telling the woman I was not interested in moving about 40 miles southeast where I know no one. I felt aggrieved because she dropped in right as my breakfast was ending. I felt that was invasive. I believe I told her that, and I certainly hope she listened. I just don't think it's good business to make cold sales calls to already housed nursing home residents.

The second facility rep came from a facility 20 miles northeast. I was sitting waiting to go to the bathroom outside my room. When she approached with the Social Services nurse, I explained I needed aide assistance to the bathroom. The woman acknowledged it, but kept on talking. To me, I felt it was inappropriate to disturb me. But she forged on anyway, although I thought I sensed some discomfort on her part.

I did talk to the woman. I told her I was looking for a private room and wondered if her facility what put me in one. When she said no, I asked if there might be a quiet room where I could put my desktop PC and be able to sit and write uninterrupted by a roommate. She told me she was sorry but they did not have anything like that. I told her that's what I was looking for. I explained I'm a writer, am trying to write a book. I told her it's very difficult to write and think in a semi private room with a roommate. She acted like she sort of understood. But, I wonder if she would be able to understand.

I don't have any animosity against those two representatives.. I just don't know why this was done. Maybe it's standard operating procedure. But if it is, I think it needs to stop. I wonder how management would feel if I called other facilities and their representatives visited me here about moving. I've only ever done that one time, at a previous nursing home. I'm sure they never thought I would move. Most people know I'm not a wanderer – not long after the meet me.

I told them if I moved anywhere it would be to southeastern Ohio. After all, that's where my parents are buried, and where my final resting place is.

A frustrating hour last night

Last night, just as my nurse was giving me my bedtime meds, my laptop went into a manufacturer restart countdown. So, I waited to see what would happen. It restarted. But, when it came back on, my headset was dead. It was not being recognized.

I went into the sound features and tried and found nothing about my headset. I restarted and it did not improve. I tried checking the sound settings again and still could not find my headset. Then, I switched to the internal microphone and speakers. I restarted again just to see if that would improve things. It didn't.

While I was working on it, my call light was on. My aide knocked and I asked her to get my backup headset (still in shipping packaging). She said she was not allowed to open packages and that activities was supposed to. Without asking whether I needed anything else, she left.

I put the call light on and started working to try to get sound in my headset. I thought about checking the USB ports. But, I did not want to shut them down because then maybe nothing would work, and I could not even restart my laptop.

A few minutes later Gary, my nurse came in. I asked if he'd get my headset and plug it in to see if it'd work. He said sure. When I told him where the headset was, I looked up and the package was no longer on top of my clothes closet. I told him it was missing. I also said that my aide would not open the package. He said he'd better go see why the aides wouldn't open it. He said it would probably be fixed in the morning. He left quickly like the fiends of hell were chasing him.

I was very disappointed by their lack of compassion. But, other things were going on,  like snacktime. It's a time when the aides are really busy. They probably had no time to help me. But their shortness came off as cold and uncaring. I guess I should have apologized for bothering them.

In the meantime, I used the "on-screen keyboard" and touchpad to type an email to my sister. It was short and sweet. I told her that my backup headset might be missing.

I was feeling very frustrated because there was not much I could do. Thank goodness I did not have a lot of time to fill. I thought about listening to YouTube but the sound was very tinny coming through the internal speakers. Since the speakers worked, I knew the soundcard was all right.

I realized how vulnerable I am when I cannot use that headset to dictate. I'm sure most drivers who have comfy cars with computers and warming seats, are the same. But they probably do not mentally bash themselves about it like I did last night.

It's just really hard to take that at 8:30 p.m. in a nursing home, if I have a technological problem, there is really no one here who has time to help me.

Uncomfortable situation

I know that some of the aides here enjoy upheaval and controversy. The like the excitement when residents act out, or act up. I think that's one reason some of them have this type of job.

Today was a case in point: There were men working on repairing the back dining room doors, where I usually eat lunch.

"J", my aide told me I would have to sit at a table elsewhere. She said there were two in the front lobby. She also said there was a curved table in the back dining room where a female resident named "S" was sitting. When she asked if I wanted to sit with "S", I said I would.

For some reason, my aide got me late and when I arrived at the dining room, it was pretty full. I didn't even know if I could get to that table without making people get up from where they were sitting to allow me to get through. But I I made it.

I noticed I did not get to sit right beside S, as promised. I should have asked why. But I didn't.

A few minutes later a male resident, I'll call "D" came in and sat down beside me. Right away, quietly, I asked my aide if I could move. I'm never that close to D who's always unkempt with his long hair hanging. Many times, when I passed him on the hallway I smelled body odor.

My power chair was off so I could not easily back up and discreetly explain to "J" why I did not want to sit beside D. Although, I know she knew. The aides frequently talk about how disheveled "D" is.

So, I tried to tell "J" quietly that I was afraid his appearance and odor might not allow me to eat lunch. I said I'd return to my room, if I could not move. Then, "J" said I could move. In retrospect, I wish I had left, or asked to speak to my nurse about the situation. It would have been better done in the front lobby. But thinking that "J" was supposed to stay in the dining room, I asked to move to the right corner of the table.

"J" acted like I was totally rude and uncaring. You'd have thought I'd said loudly that "D" smelled like a skunk, which I didn't. When I moved to that spot, a male resident behind me about had a hissy fit. He said I did not get out of his way fast enough. I told him to give me a minute and I moved away from him a bit.

Then, "J" kept telling me she could not believe that I would say such a thing and make "D" feel badly. "J" even patted "D" on the shoulder and said, it was okay. I don't even know if he heard what I said.

As I ate my meal pretty much in silence. I realized I had been maneuvered. I think they set this little scenario up knowing ahead of time that I would not want to sit where I was uncomfortable. It's unfortunate that they would not allow me to be more discreet about moving away.

Package opening – not a service here

I've lived in nursing homes for over 21 years. For most of them I have received packages that the nursing home staff had to open. Sometimes activities did it. But if they did not get around do it, the floor aides did it.

Ever since 1999, when I started placing orders online, aides got used to me getting packages. Even though I like to make my purchases in stores. Ordering through the Internet is so easy and fast.

I don't think my sister likes the idea. I think she feels she should bring me the things I need, or send them to me. But since she moved to Florida, that's not really practical.

The problem is I don't always have somebody to put my things away. I also no longer think the black filing cabinet, where I lock things in my room, is safe from being jimmied. I have a feeling that many know how to get into it without a key. That's because a few staff how said they know how to get in it without a key.

This afternoon activities delivered the mineral makeup I ordered the other day when mine was MIA. I never did find out where it went. But I was pretty sure that it was here last Christmas and was locked up where I thought it would be secure. Somehow it wasn't where it was put.

It was laying on my table, still wrapped. I prefer not to unwrap it until it's being put away. I asked my aides if they would help me. They both said they are no longer allowed to open packages for residents. It has to be done by activities.

I asked when this happened and they said months ago. I told them I wished we residents were told when these new rules come down from management.

Then, a bit later another aide came in with my fiber – which I order and give to the nurses to dispense to me. I was going to ask her to open the box, but I didn't..

So, I asked her to give the package to the nurses and let them open it. I told her if everything was intact and not damaged it was okay. I just wanted to make sure in case it had to be returned.

But this aide did not give me a hard time. She took the package to the nurses and later brought back copies of paperwork which were in the box. I told her she could throw them away because I do not need them.

It seems to me that this facility gets more bureaucratic every day.

Funny summer food

I know I do a lot of food blogs. But food is necessary, and if it's done right, it can be tasty and enjoyable. But alas, today's food was not.

Today's menu was: Salsbury steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, vegetable blend, a dinner roll, and lemon Jell-O with fruit.

Normally I would have just eaten it. But the last few times we have had Salsberry steak it tasted very processed. The gravy on it is highly seasoned with sodium, MSG, and some other gravy  seasoning. Whatever the seasoning is, it gives the meat and the gravy a metallic taste. In fact, the MSG doesn't make the flavor better.

The weather has been hot and humid for days. When it rains, it cools off and I might have more of an appetite. But on the hot days I would just like to have a salad or something light. Salsberry steak did not sound like a good fit on this July Sunday.

So I asked what the backup menu was. I was told it was barbecued chicken and Mexican rice. That didn't sound great either. But it sounded better, so I ordered it.

Then, I remembered that the barbecued chicken from the other day, was not wonderful. We have some new dietary staff, and I'm sure they are still learning. So, the barbecued chicken they made the other day was dried out and slightly burned on the top. They gave us a hind quarter, a leg and a thigh I wonder if there there was even three ounces of meat on it. Nevertheless, the other day I ate what I could, since there wasn't anything else.

I really do like chicken. But I like it cooked right – and that doesn't always happen here. So I wondered what today would bring.

When I received my tray, the chicken didn't look half bad. But when my aide cut into it, the smell gave it away. For some reason, it smelled old to me. The drumstick meat had a lot of blood vessels and the meat was darker. I also noticed a taste of blood. The only blood I've ever tasted was my own, but the taste resembled it.

It was quite a struggle with my stomach to get the chicken down. The Mexican rice was okay, but it had been watered before it was reheated. If they'd added tomato sauce, tomato juice, or a few canned, puréed tomatoes which would have perked it right back up. Nevertheless I ate it.

The one thing I hated about the chicken was that the aide who cut it up did not get the small bones and gristle out of the meat. So, a few bones ended up in my mouth and I had to spit them out into napkins or tissues. I felt terrible about other residents seeing me getting rid of bones from my mouth.

At least I know the chicken will digest easier than the mystery  Salsbury steak.

Sometimes I think that going vegetarian would not be that difficult. I would just need to find some good recipes.

Nursing home meat in 2017 is definitely not the same as I remember.

A resident takes off

Last evening sometime after the resident suppertime, there was a lot of commotion and I heard a screaming sound in the hallway. I knew something was going on with one of the residents. But, since I'm in my room, I do not know what's happening. I also do not put my call light on to bother the aides and ask.

I kept busy doing what I was doing. I knew the overall environment here would be different, because four new male residents have arrived in the last couple of weeks.

In fact, we only got the fourth one yesterday.

Luckily, most of these residents are pretty much able to care for themselves. Yet, I always feel sorry for any new resident . I know that coming to a new place is difficult. You know nobody and you don't know how things are run here.

When you first come, there is no way to know if this is a good place or a bad place. It takes time for residents to figure that out.

I heard that a resident got out. And it was not the newest resident. It's the one who arrived third. Somehow he got out and took off with a nurse and an aide chasing him. By the time they caught up to him, he had managed to borrow a cell phone and called the police. He told them he was suffering from heat exhaustion.

I'm not sure whether the police just showed up based on the fleeing resident's call, or if nurse or aide called them. But the police picked them up and brought them back here.

I found all this out when my nurse brought me meds around 6:30 p.m. She said they were running like crazy to catch up with the male resident who ran from them.

The runaway resident was sent to the local hospital's ER for a psych evaluation. But, I don't know that he got one, since he returned so quickly.

This morning he was being watched by a housekeeper for a short period of time. I think they wanted to make sure that he didn't take off during resident breakfast.

So far, I think he's still here. There has been no different or strange noise  during tonight's resident supper.

Auditing my accounts

Last October I had to set up a Qualified Income Trust (QIT) because I'm on Medicaid, live in a nursing home, and have an income over a certain amount. In order to maintain eligibility certain funds have to pass through the QIT to pay healthcare and other bills. Ohio's 2016 expansion of Medicaid through the Affordable Care Act required this. With the new guidelines Medicaid is less restrictive to those with higher incomes. We also are no longer required to spend down in order to be income eligible for Medicaid.

Last fall, I wondered how much the QIT would change my bookkeeping system. I have been doing some freelance writing since 2009 and I have had to make special arrangements for setting aside, and paying, my self-employment taxes. I also keep track of spending and have those records available for Ohio's Job and Family services, if necessary.

Setting up the QIT was similar to my former bookkeeping system. But, the differences can be confusing. At first, I was very careful, and the money seemed to remain in the QIT, as it was supposed to. But then when I started moving larger amounts of money at different times of the month, I noticed it was difficult to keep up with when money was credited or debited from the QIT..

Then, I decided group similar funds together to cut down on transactions. My bank does not charge me a transaction fee for transfers between my QIT and regular checking accounts. In order not to have too many transactions, and to simplify (I thought), I lumped similar funds together. But, it is more difficult to track the funds that way.

It seemed to me that the account was short on funds. Yet, it appeared all deposits went in. Then I thought credits weren't going in until a later date. So, I started paying bills each month after the 20th, which allows deposits time to be posted.

I also have been auditing the QIT and my personal checking account over the last few months. I want to ensure there are no errors. But, I don't want to be required to put excess funds in the QIT, to assure there are adequate funds in it. I want to just use it has a pass-through four funds due to be paid.

Today, I discovered that I'm going to break my payables into increments that match the bills I pay. That will make it easier to track them.

I only have a couple more hours of auditing to do before I'll know if there are any errors. But it will take more time than I thought.

I realize now that shortcuts do not always make things shorter – in the end.

Wanting to change salt-and-pepper hair – a bit

I have been letting my natural hair grow out for over a year. Since I don't see myself in the mirror much, it's not difficult to let it grow out. I never get that first thing in the morning look and I am not downhearted. So I have not watched the progression – others have.

At first I thought my front roots were really white or light gray. But now that I've been watching them grow out for a while, I realize that my lightest hair is in the front on the top. Everyone is a bit surprised that my hair in the back is mostly dark – not white or gray. I kind of of wish the back had more white or gray highlights.

I like the sort of highlighted look I get in the front with the lighter gray. The fact that my natural hair coloring now is not symmetrical all over bothers me. Trust me I know I never see the back and maybe it shouldn't matter. But it does.

I went looking a couple of weeks ago on YouTube to see if I could find a way to spruce up salt-and-pepper hair. I thought maybe I could go to the salon and have some highlights put in my dark hair. I know it might be difficult to bleach my hair out to white. We don't want my light hair blonde, at least I don't think so. It wouldn't mix very well with the already gray, and white hair. I was surprised that I couldn't really find any videos about highlighting salt-and-pepper hair. They showed highlighting here with blonde highlights to make the great hair less noticeable. The only ones that were white highlights looked kind of Halloween-ish and a bit Gothic.

Then I thought about purple or blue. I know that sounds rather rash. And the blue will not last long. But, it would a way to color the bleached hair. Oh well, maybe that's not a good idea.

But I certainly think I could have the back of my hair, and other areas, highlighted with white, white highlights. I know it would be a lot of bleaching, and that the ends which are still growing out from blonde would be bleached again. But that hair has not been colored in over a year. So, I think it should be in pretty good shape.

I would like to have a little extra, dramatic color,  in my hair. I also think I would feel better if I had white highlights on the sides, back, and maybe elsewhere, since I like the natural silver and white in my new growth hair.

Sometimes I wonder why I resisted my natural hair color for so long. But, I guess I know. I like to spruce things up and be a bit edgy at times.

It looks like I'm not going to go easily into the aged part of my life.

Mineral makeup missing

It never fails, I end up not being able to find something when I need to use it. Tuesday I needed my mineral makeup. My sister had bought me new makeup around Christmas last year. I got the all over mineral powder, blush, a large makeup brush, and a smaller one. My friend Beth put them in my makeup bag last Friday when we cleaned out my filing cabinet. I was glad she helped me clean it out, get rid of things, and put them in better order.

But, when my aide went looking for the all over mineral powder, it was not in the bag. Instead, my new smaller blusher, and the old blush were both in the makeup case. I was upset.

It's not the first time my makeup has disappeared. One time, at a previous nursing home, I spent $8 for Cover Girl makeup to apply with a sponge. The new package was put in an unlocked drawer. When my aide went to get it and put it on, it was gone – completely. I just could not believe anyone would take my makeup, new or used.

My makeup as also disappeared from my filing cabinet here before. One day I was going out and my aide discovered my entire makeup case was gone. Another aide said she would go take a look around to see if she could find it. I had no idea what she was talking about. I went ahead and used baby powder on a washcloth for face powder and use lipstick on my cheeks for blush. I thought I looked okay. Then, the aide who went to look for my makeup – came back with it. No one ever told me where or how that aide found it. That episode was always suspect in my eyes. I thought someone had unlocked my cabinet, put my makeup somewhere, and waited for my reaction. I know it's mean to say that, but I think that's what happened.

However, this time I did not think I could blame staff. My own friend had assisted me. Then, I realized that I may not have picked out a larger compact of mineral makeup. The store was out of the shade I usually buy, and maybe I decided not to buy something different. Perhaps I decided to wait until my next shopping trip, or order it online.

So, I made do with using tinted moisturizer and blush instead of the all over translucent powder. But I was certainly chagrined. I just like my stuff left alone. I don't like it when I feel that someone else has looked all through my things to see what I have. I don't even care that much that it was taken. I just wish if someone took it, they would've taken it later after I'd used it.

There's just no way to have security. Everything gets taken or misplaced or mixed up in nursing homes. It just happens and it's the way that life is.

You would think I would be used to it after over 21 years.

Discharge notice rescinded

Even though Roberta/nurse manager almost told me last Thursday that nothing would come of the 30 day Notice of Involuntary Discharge, I had great difficulty believing her. The only scenario that would not involve a lot of complications would have been if the administrator decided to tear up the discharge letter. I knew about this from my previous actions with facilities over discharge letters. The first time I received one the area ombudsman asked the administrator, within a few days, to rescind it, and she refused.

This time I thought I was in for the fight of my life. I had received another discharge notice in 2013 and was told the same thing back then, that it wouldn't go anywhere. But it went a lot farther. I had to request a hearing, and the hearing was held. The administrative law judge found in my favor. The facility had not drawn up the letter correctly. I always wondered if that was an actual error or if it was an intentional error.

Nevertheless, when the facility threatens involuntary discharge, or actually has given me a letter, they definitely got my attention.

My family and I have been through a week of angst. We were trying to figure out how we would handle me moving. I no longer have my sister living  within 50 miles of me. It would definitely have been much more difficult this time.

I don't think the nursing home has the right to frighten me into better behavior, by serving me with an involuntary discharge notice. To me, a discharge letter is not something that should be used to discipline a resident.

A lot of emails have passed between the ombudsman, me, my family, and friends.

I'm tired of the whole process and feel kind of all in.

Involuntary discharge is another way for a resident to feel powerless.

Discharge letter innuendo

I don't think any resident feels good if he or she receives a 30 day Notice of Involuntary Discharge. I don't think anything prepared me for how I'd feel. I'm sure I felt like a wife whose husband had asked for a divorce.

I was very concerned. But I had to carry on anyway. I have things to do, like my writing which I wanted to keep doing. That is important to me. So, I had to pretend everything was okay. Even though I mentioned the discharge letter to some of the aides aides in the beginning, I stopped talking about it like that in.

But it's very hard to live here and not tell the nurses and aides who care for me what is going on. Leaving, no matter the circumstances, is very difficult. It's even difficult for the residents who want to leave.

So I tried to settle back into my center and stay there as long as possible. I guess that's my only guard against the storm swirling around me.

Then, Roberta/nurse manager came in last Thursday evening and told me not to worry too much about the discharge letter. I wondered what she was talking about. She told me nothing would come of it. She reminded me she told me the same thing in 2013 when I got the last discharge letter from here. Except back then, I had to Request a Hearing, prepare for it and attend it. Even though I thought my side was right, that did not mean anything. I still could have lost. If I had, I would've had to move – no matter what.

So I'm prepared for the process to continue. I do object to the fact that certain staff have asked me if I've made any preparations to move. I think I told them no and should not have. But they really have no business asking me anyway.

Today I was at the nurses station getting my meds after lunch. Roberta/nurse manager was there and she asked me if I wanted to move and I said I did not. She told me the discharge letter had not been sent to the Department of Health. I told her when I got the discharge letter a process started. I said I didn't ask the administrator to rescind the letter. I felt that was the responsibility of the ombudsman.I also said that if that is what the administrator intends to do, rescind the letter, then there is a process for that too.

I was partway down the hall when Roberta/nurse manager and Mrs. D/administrator came up to me. Mrs. D said they are going to rescind the letter. But they want me to continue to look for another place to live because some residents are afraid of me because of the power chair circles last week.

I said nothing and moved away. I emailed the ombudsman about what occurred. She called the facility and found that they're rescinding the letter. She wants to know if I want her to send it (the rescind letter) to the Department of Health. I know I would really like to know if it exists – by actually seeing it digitally in my email box.Then, she can send it to the Department of Health.

It's not been a week since the 30 day discharge letter was placed on the table in front of my desktop PC. Although, the last five days have certainly seemed much longer.

30 day Notice of Involuntary Discharge

Tuesday I had an upsetting day and ended up making circles in the empty front lobby out of frustration. It was too hot, I was in pain, and the nurse practitioner would not prescribe additional pain relievers. The back dining room was too hot and I left to go somewhere that was cooler.

While turning circles in the front lobby I accidentally hit the old phone booth on the wall and there was a creak. I thought I hit my backpack. But, I hit the power chair controller and it ended up on the floor, even though it was still functional. The bracket was broken.

I was sent to the ER for a psych eval. But the ER doctor decided I did not need one. I returned to the facility several hours later.

The next day I was not allowed to use my power chair. I guess they were afraid I would try to use it as a weapon. I don't think I was doing that but they have a different perspective.

Wednesday afternoon, at around 3 PM, the administrator and nurse manager came in and explained that, due to my actions, they were giving me a 30 Day Notice of Involuntary Discharge Letter. I tried just briefly to protest but everyone walked out of my room and just left me. I wondered how they could do that.

They said they had secured a bed for me at a nursing home about 60 miles southeast of here, closer to where I used to live. Four years ago I went to see that nursing home but decided against going there. The facility did not have the right feel, and the semi-private rooms were too small. There was also no outside secured space where I could go and be safe without having a nurses aide with me. I was looking for that specifically because it is not available there.

So I applied to the Department of Health for a Hearing on the Involuntary Discharge. It is necessary to do that within ten days of receiving the letter. I emailed a letter to my sister, who will mail it certified mail, return receipt requested, soon.

I just can't believe that I may have to move. This facility gave me another Involuntary Discharge Letter in the summer of 2013. I had a hearing then and the decision was in my favor. So, I did not have to leave. But the administrator had made an error in the letter back then. That factor assisted me to prevail at the hearing.

This time the administrator has written: I'm being discharged because I'm a danger to others.

Today I had to tell a friend about it. I think she thought I was kidding, but I wasn't. It's very hard to explain that my frustration blew up to something big enough for them to want me out of here.

***

There will be other entries about this Involuntary Discharge Letter interspersed here.

My mother's "godmother for me" pick

Growing up Catholic at different times I was taught in Catholic school about godparents and their responsibilities. They are really supposed to be the guardian of the children they sponsor until they are 18 years old. So, most good Catholics try to pick godparents who are mature, settled, and financially able to take care of their godchild if something happened to the godchild's parents. Picking someone in the right age bracket – to serve as a godparent for a long tenure is also something to think about.

My mother was fairly new to being Catholic. Although she had been with my father for several years and was around his large Irish/German Catholic family. I'm sure she got a lot of "basic Catholic training" through osmosis. Even so, she probably had her own ideas. She probably also listened to the Catholic horror stories that were told within my father's family. I'm sure there were children with fine Catholic godparents who were left with no one to care for them after their parent's demise.

I'm also sure there is probably a serendipity factor in the whole thing. My mom and dad were living in their new to them house and pregnant with me. Our next-door neighbors were in their mid-50s and had an adult son who was married. That son and his wife were pretty young – in their early 20s. For some reason, mom picked them to be my godparents. My godmother was 21 and my godfather was a few years older.

Unfortunately, my godfather was killed in an auto accident when I was six years old. My godmother, a mother of one and a registered nurse, became a widow. But through it all she remained my godmother.

I have had an eventful life and so has she. She ended up remarrying and having  a son. Her daughter my best friend, has three children of her own and several grandchildren.

My godmother is now 89 and will turn 90 in October, God willing.

As I looked at her picture taken last week at her youngest granddaughter's wedding, I marveled at my mother's good choice. My godmother is still around and enjoying life at almost 90. While, I, her granddaughter have lived in nursing homes since I was 47 – and am now 68.

I wonder how many Catholic women, at age 68, like me have a godmother who is still living.

I will be 69 in September, a couple of weeks before my godmother's birthday in October.

My mom made a good choice.

The controller is adjusted

As I wrote yesterday, the tech came and moved the partly damaged controller (which is still functional) to a different, more out-of-the-way position yesterday. Then, the charging port could not be accessed because the controller was at too steep an angle.

I thought how ridiculous the whole scenario was.. That tech should have known better. He should have checked to make sure that the charging port was free so the battery could be charged easily.

I could not believe that the staff here with think that technician would be nearby to return to fix his error the same day. I'm sure he brought screws to reattach the broken controller that the facility did not have to do it themselves. Still, it is difficult to have a technician always available when the vendor (provider of the durable medical equipment) like power chairs, is three hours away. The best they can probably do is plan for him to be in the area maybe every two weeks. The worst-case scenario might be every month. But, a power chair can break at any time.

Nursing home residents who have regular manual wheelchairs occasionally have problems. Medicaid is supposed to have a system where it repairs durable medical equipment if the right paperwork is sent at the right time.

But I do think the nursing home bears some responsibility to assure that resident manual and power chairs are maintained and kept in good working order. However, I do wonder how they plan for that repair.

Yesterday afternoon I was able to contact the vendor representative and she said the nursing home therapy department needed to adjust the controller's position. She knew they were able to do that. I, myself, wondered if anyone would do it because the next day was Friday – getaway day.

I was shocked when I came back from the shower this morning and was told that my power chair was charging. Nobody told me how they managed that. But, I knew that one of the therapists must've come in at 7 AM.

She told me after breakfast that she was able to adjust the controller's position enough to allow the charger cable to be plugged in.

I was surprised that an error in the tech's judgment yesterday was repaired so quickly.

The tech and the broken controller

This afternoon the vendor's tech came to take a look at the controller that has a broken bracket.

I was surprised when he told me that the entire controller needed to be replaced. He said they just don't change out the housing for a new one. I said I guess they wouldn't do that if they know they can get Medicaid to my new controller.

Then I asked if he thought they could get me a different controller. I said I'd rather have one with fewer "bells and whistles". This broken controller can be linked to a cell phone through its Bluetooth. That's not something that I'm going to use. So I asked if they could get a less expensive controller and use it as a replacement. He said he would check it out.

I asked if he could turn the controller with the broken covering a bit so would be less likely to be bumped. He repositioned it and took a photo with his cell phone to show me it's a new location. To me it looked like it was in a good position .

He said he will contact Medicaid in order to get the new controller approved for purchase.

Then he left. Unfortunately, later when my aide tried to plug the battery charger cable into the power chair, there was not enough space to allow the charger cable to go in. The controller it is at too much of an angle beside the bracket and it needs to be moved just a bit. I wondered if we could get the controller moved a bit before the weekend.

I called the vendor representative and told her what had happened. She asked me if I would find out if therapy could loosen a couple of screws and move the controller to a better position – more accessible for the charging cable. I told her I could not answer that and would send an email to my therapist and the nurse manager to ask. I sent the email and the nurse manager responded that she thought that therapist might be able to adjust its position.

She said the techs were going to Cincinnati next week. But she said I could call her tomorrow when I find out if therapy can relocate it on the bracket.

I just hope my power chair battery not run out of a charge before we get the controller box repositioned the bracket. Without it being repositioned, my battery can't charge and will go dead. Then, I'll be back in my manual chair until it is moved.

What about the psych eval?

Yesterday was a kerfuffle from the beginning to the end.

It was supposed to be a hot day and in this nursing home that makes for an uncomfortable environment that is summer toasty, humid, and rife for outbursts and conflagration.

But it wasn't until lunch that I had a problem. As soon as I went out the door at 12 noon I knew I was going to be way too hot. I just felt like a big humid cloud grabbed me, and started to hug with vengeance, and would not stop. I wish I would've said something then.

I headed to the dining room. It was warm because the residents were in and out all morning on the patio. It was muggy and hot even with the box fan blowing.

Then, the nurse practitioner came to see me. I thought it would be helpful and it wasn't. She was being very difficult and unflinching about allowing me one (regular strength) Tylenol or ibuprofen a day for the pain my splints are causing. She was pretty much in my face. I asked who I could appeal to and she gave me no alternative. I even wanted to see another doctor and she refused to refer me. I just didn't know what she was thinking. I certainly did not threaten her I would not think..

I went back to the dining room where my tray had just delivered. I was feeling so hot and I had no appetite. The nurse manager asked me what was up and I told her I keep hitting brick walls everywhere I turn about most of the things I want here. I told her I just can't do it anymore. I asked if I could go to an office to get cooler and got no response.

So, when, I couldn't turn left easily, I started making circles in the open, empty front lobby. Everyone was at lunch. I thought I would turn regular circles. But I was aggravated so I might have spasmed in my hand or something. All of a sudden, the right side of my chair bumped the old payphone on the wall. I heard a creak.. A few minutes later an aide told me my controller was on the floor. The bump apparently broke the bracket it was in.

I was told I was being sent to the ER for a psych eval. When I got there I told my story and explained about my very sore right leg. I asked the doctor if I could get an x-ray and he had it x-rayed. Thankfully, nothing is broken. Maybe he saw his grandmother's eyes in my face. But I saw a kindness about him.

No other medical tests were done. The doctor came in around 4 PM and talked. I asked if I would get a psych eval and he told me I did not need one. He said he knows what goes on at my nursing home.

Then, I was sent back to the facility right in the middle of the supper hour. All my items were locked in an office along with my keys. No one could get into my locked cabinet. I was relegated to a PB&J sandwich and a 4 ounce container of applesauce after not eating or drinking anything since breakfast.

I sort of conned my aides and the nurse to let me use my desktop so I could report the broken part on my power chair to the vendor and manufacturer. They let me but only gave me confined space because I'm in a semi private room. My poor neck was killing me and I could not wear my glasses. I was looking at the screen at so much of an angle – that the lower part of the frame obliterated the touchpad pointer.

I got that email out and an evaluation for repair is coming tomorrow.

It's too bad nursing homes cannot communicate better. It would certainly save them many of the useless times residents are sent to the ER for a timeout.