Getting used to my gray and other uncolored new hair

I have been letting my hair grow out to its natural color for almost a year. It was last colored on June 7, 2016. I covered my medium brown and 50% gray roots with light blonde hair color.

Since this nursing home has no beauty salon, I have a difficult time getting my hair colored. Plus, if I have to pay salon prices for coloring, it is expensive. I don't want to pay the big ticket price. If we can use box color routinely, I might still be doing it. But, I decided it would be better just to have my natural hair color.

I checked some YouTube videos and discovered growing out a full head of uncolored hair takes a while. I did not bleach my hair like some do. I also did not got it really short. Even though I saw some women on YouTube endeavor to strategically cover their gray with color and also let it grow out, I didn't want to try anything as intricate or expensive looking as that.

The outstanding positive is I no longer have that gray roots. Now I have salt-and-pepper hair. Surprisingly to me, it's more pepper than salt.

The uncolored hair is more becoming and not harsh. But I had to learn how to take care of it. I use the purple shampoo to keep it from yellowing once a week. I also make sure I buy styling products that have no color so they will not stain the lighter part of my hair.

I really thought by now I would have mostly uncolored hair. But I still have about 1 1/2 inches on the ends which are blonde. I get asked all the time if I've had my hair colored. I so badly want to say, "It's hombre, like the millennials!" But, I never do.

One thing about living at a nursing home I'm not able to be in front of a huge mirror every morning. So I don't see every flaw and extra gray hair.

Not seeing my newly uncolored hair every day makes it sort of ethereal. Looking at it some days I wonder what the styling possibilities would be. I guess I should have someone part off my hair to see if I have any lighter areas. But it looks pretty mixed to me.

I think I should have a full head of uncolored hair by Christmas. If not, definitely by spring 2018.

My sister arrives and summer clothing appears

I've been trying to get my lighter weight clothing into my closet since the third week of April. Housekeeping has just not gotten to it. First, I got a new roommate and my things which had wandered to the other side of the room had to be reorganized. After that was accomplished, housekeeping suddenly had no more time for sorting

The weather has gradually gotten warmer. I had about three T-shirts already in the closet and I made do. But I kept waiting for housekeeping to help me get my lighter clothing into my closet.

I was concerned because some thinner, brand-new clothing that had been in the room could not be found. I knew one of the housekeepers moved it. And I wondered where it was put.

I emailed the nurse manager last night saying I desperately needed lighter weight clothing. I offered that my sister and I today (during her visit) would take heavy things out of my closet. I also said we would reorganize clothing stored in space bags by my closet. I thought I could maybe make a deal. We would do some and maybe they could do some.

It's amazing that a housekeeper was in my room before 10 AM this morning with my every day lighter weight clothing. She wanted to wash it all. I told her that was not necessary and that if it was wrinkled she could throw it in the dryer with a couple of wet washcloths and it would come out wrinkle free. I told her to do what she wanted, but that I did not expect her to do extra work.

My sister reorganized the clothing by the closet. It was divided into three different categories and put in different space bags – which are labeled.

While we were working on that, someone found the shipping package with my pants and top in it. My sister laid that clothing in my closet, all housekeeping has to do is put it on hangers.

We also went through two other totes and got rid of DVDs/VHS tapes that have accumulated over time. I had them at another nursing home. I kept them for entertainment. But now with Netflix streaming, Amazon Prime, and YouTube, I no longer need them.. I am donating them to the nursing home for the residents to watch.

We went through another tote and got rid of a lot of miscellaneous grippy material that I use in everyday life. I use it to hold things where I put them and to steady pillows for propping my arms etc.

Some various size clothing was donated to the nursing home for the other female residents.

I even got rid of a pair of shoes that I thought I threw away last fall.

It can be difficult for me (as a nursing home resident) to throw clothing and shoes away. If housekeeping finds it, they usually bring it back thinking I have made a mistake. Though I understand the reasoning, trying to keep everything, or expecting my sister to throw my things away, will cause my room to look more like a hoarder's.

How can I do clothing better?

It's hard to do clothing at this facility. There is not much room. I cannot put heavier and midweight clothing in my closet at the same time. So I need to change things out at the end of the season.

The problem is I have no one to help me. I used to hire people to help me with such tasks when I was more economically sound. But, now, I have to depend on the housekeeping staff. The problem with that is sometimes they have enough housekeepers and sometimes they don't.

Most of my heavier (corduroy, winter) slacks went out of my closet in March. But I could not take out mock turtlenecks because I still needed them. But it was able to get housekeeping to put some longsleeved T-shirts and a few pairs of midweight jeans in my closet.

Then, in mid April I asked housekeeping about moving out my mock turtleneck tops so I would have some room for short sleeve T-shirts. Well, nothing happened. A week later I posted a note in my room asking that my heavier tops be removed from my closet and that some T-shirts (previously worn last year) be put in there. That week I got a roommate and no one got to my clothing.

The next week I revised the list and posted it again. The plan was more firm and I mentioned that I really needed the lighter weight items.

Each week, usually more than once, I have asked the housekeeping supervisor if she could move my clothing for me. Each week she has told me she had no time.

Last week I had a care conference and I was promised that my clothing would be moved the next day. It didn't happen.

Today my day shift aide offered to try to find the clothing I was looking for. We went through some space bags on the side of my closet. But I couldn't find what I wanted. I was pretty sure the new top should still be wrapped in the shipping envelope. But, we could not find it. It also looks like a pair of pants I ordered never arrived, or are lost.

My aide got upset with me and thought I was being ungrateful. My sister is visiting tomorrow and I want to look nice. Why did my aide not understand that? I agree that it is not her problem that housekeeping has no time. But it is a problem.

So, my sister is visiting and we will spend some of our time going through clothing. It will not take all that long. And since she's objective, and does not deal with this all the time, she may have a bit more patience. I really hate to waste her time that way. I need to go shopping. The problem is I need, need, need. It must be maddening to everyone around me.

I know being so needy is also maddening to me.

More than a bad day

Today was not good. First of all, a night shift aide could not get me pulled back in the shower chair straight enough. Her back may have been hurting. But, I still had to stay crooked in the chair because there is no way to easily fix the mistake once it's made. The aides just think I'm okay. I think they think my wash up will not take that long, and they think I can just wait to get comfortable. But I was really in pain. I was crying and asking for help. Then, they went out and left me.

I put the call light on hoping my aide would come in and help me get situated better. But she didn't until 15 or 20 minutes later. By then I was beside myself with cramps in my legs.

Then, the aide I had was new at my a.m. care. She's done evening care – just not morning. After my earlier problem, this was not the morning to be challenged with training someone.

There were four aides who came in my room right before 7 AM to Hoyer me up. I thought they could do it right the first time.

Instead, my night shift aide could not pull me back far enough in the shower chair. So I was sitting crooked in it. There was nothing that could be done except Hoyer me again which would be involved. So, I was washed up being crooked and uncomfortable I know I was rude to the aide and I did not mean to be. I was in pain and could not fix it. They would not let me stand to adjust myself. Knowing I cannot stand to relieve pressure on my bottom is scary.

The aide is not fast and did not know my routine. So, it was slow going, and she could not make up time. Me trying to hurry her didn't help.

She got me to breakfast. Breakfast was slow like the whole day.

After breakfast my training day shift aide could not pull me back far enough into the shower chair either. Then I wondered why they even let her try.. I wished they had asked the nurse to help just to be there to run the Hoyer. It just makes me feel so badly. It would've been better if I had been quiet. But I didn't know if I could stand the discomfort.

My teeth got brushed and I got ready but the nurses and aides thought I was being difficult which caused it to take too long. They suggested I should go back to bed – sort of like a timeout. I begged them not to. Passing time with nothing to do is punishment for me.

Maybe the nurse reneged, or someone else did on "the going back to bed" plan. A more familiar aide set me up at my desktop PC.

No, I didn't get much done. I did document what happened today. I don't know that it will help anything. But maybe the next time I have what I think is an awful day, I can look at it and gain some perspective.

Only cornbread to thicken my chili

The story of today's lunch is so silly. Nevertheless, I am writing about it so you will know I did not make this up.

I saw on the lunch board after breakfast that we were having chili for lunch. I asked my aide if she would ask the cook if I could get a piece of bread or crackers, instead of the cornbread they were serving. I explained that I wanted to thicken the chili to make it easier to eat with either white bread or crackers. Cornbread works but it makes the chili sweeter – which I don't like. My aide acted like it was not a big deal to get me some crackers. But, crackers are an important commodity in nursing homes. It seems like they are always in demand and the supply is always short.

When I got down to lunch, I was later getting my tray. When I asked for crackers, I was told supposedly by the cook that I could not have them because they were not on the menu. So, I asked for a piece of bread and said I would give them back the cornbread. That was a no go also. The cook said since bread was not on the menu, I could not have it.

So, I told my aide to break up half the cornbread or less into my chili. I so hate runny soup – particularly chili.

I did appeal to my nurse and she came up with two packs of crackers. That was very sweet of her, but, she was too late. My aide had already thickened the chili with the cornbread.

I fail to understand why such dilemmas occur anyway. But they are getting very strict with the food here. We are allowed no extras. There wasn't even a sandwich on the backup menu. All that was on it was chicken noodle soup. There was no sandwich to accompany the soup, if a resident did not want the chili.

I plan to run this by the dietitian. I wonder if I discreetly ask for bread as a substitute for cornbread the next time I have chili, if I might not be able to get it.

They may just not want to do it in a room full of other residents who might want to copycat my idea.

Past and present Memorial Day weekends

Sometimes I sit and try to remember what Memorial Day weekends were like before I moved to a nursing home. I do know  when I lived in my condo with private caregivers, holidays were spent with Carolyn, my caregiver. She knew I did not like to spend holidays alone. She also knew that my sister seldom was able to visit me on or near the holiday. So, we struck a bargain. Carolyn said if I would allow her to take me to her family's celebration, she would consider it a family day and not charge me. So, Carolyn invited me to come to her home or wherever her family gathered on almost every holiday. I always appreciated Carolyn's kindness in the ten years she worked for me.

Before that, I spent holidays with neighbors, my sister, and sometimes I spent parts of them by myself. Memorial Day does not stick out. I can't say that our family had any Memorial Day ritual like planting flowers at relatives' graves in the cemetery. Since we lived 200 miles away from my parents' relatives' graves, there could be no ritual.

I also know we usually waited until after Memorial Day to buy annuals to plant in the yard. We did that so we could get them at a lower price.

For many years we traveled to Western Pennsylvania on holidays to visit my mom's and my dad's relatives. But, I doubt we went on Memorial Day because school would have still been in session. The last few weeks of school were filled with many events which would have interfered. So, I'm sure we waited until school was out. If our first trip was not the first free weekend in June, then we probably went to Pennsylvania for Father's Day or the Fourth of July.

After my sister went to college and then moved out on her own, our Memorial days became routine. Dad usually played golf on Memorial Day weekend. If my sister visited, there would be anticipation and excitement with her around. Otherwise, it would be mom and I watching whatever was on TV, even sports, until dad came home from golfing.

I'd like to think that it was more interesting and less lonely back then, but I don't really think it was. I know I watched baseball to stay involved in things. I also watched golf, tennis matches, and any other thing that would hold my interest. Even when I lived with mom and dad, there was always the loneliness struggle against my thoughts of, "You should really be with your peers today". So I got involved with something and stayed interested in it.

In nursing homes, there is excitement before Memorial Day since it is the first summer holiday. The staff seem to be excited with the possibility of a cookout, or doing or seeing someone special. I miss those days although I realize they did not happen as much as I once thought. During my growing up years, Memorial Day was a harbinger of the upcoming joy of summer vacation. Passing summer's first holiday made me anxious to spend those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer at the pool.

Today (Friday before Memorial Day) was the nursing home's annual summer picnic at the park. In the five years of this event, it has been in June or July. I wondered why it was earlier this year. I don't go because the grass at the park is usually muddy and traversing it in a 300 pound power chair (without me in it) could be hazardous all by itself. Besides, I do not like to fight the flies for my food.

So for lunch those of us residents who did not go to the picnic, the same food was served. The difference was the hamburgers and hotdogs for us stay behinds were not grilled.

This year 11 or 12 residents out of 48 decided not to participate.

Streaming Netflix content

I have been a Netflix subscriber since 2006. That was about a year after they started. I loved renting DVDs from them because I did not have to watch all of them at one time quickly to avoid a fee. I watched a lot of movies I had missed over many years with my Netflix subscription.

When I moved to this nursing home, I continued my subscription. But in 2013 financial problems occurred and I had to cut costs. I dropped the DVD rental program and instead had the $8.97 streaming service. My biggest problem is not being able to find what I want to watch. Since Netflix has their own content, there are not as many other TV shows and blockbuster movies available. Although, there are some. However, other services like Hulu and Hulu plus have acquired those for their service. But Netflix has a few classic movies and old musicals..

Even though I am a book reader, I decided to watch Netflix documentaries to see what I could learn. I also might be able to read books about subjects I discover on Netflix. So, I put my reading down and decided to take several weeks to be entertained by Netflix. I thought I would need that long to discover what type of content they have each month, and how much it changes from month to month.

I think it would be great if subscribers could put in requests for commercial movies they would like to see. Then Netflix would have a different method, other than the rating system, to determine what movies their customers like.

Netflix has produced a good bit of their own content which is similar to network and cable TV offerings. Although, they may cover subjects that are not covered in movies released to theaters.

The only thing that concerns me is watching TV, or Netflix is very passive. I feel like I'm just sitting there watching as though I'm in a trance. When I read a book, I have to construct things (make pictures) in my head. On Netflix it's all done for me.

I can certainly see why Netflix subscribers binge watch. I started watching a new series and though I have not watched every one of them – all at once. I can't wait to get back to see the next installment. It reminds me of my old soap opera addiction.

After so many years living in nursing homes and watching TV, three years ago I decided to give it up in order to read more books. Since I have a laptop, I can now read digital books. I can find many online which are free. So far the only TV I see are the links provided in news articles, and those network and cable TV shows available on YouTube.

But since I went to stay current I have to keep up with the art that Netflix creates or acquires. Knowing what's out there and available is important to me.

Not a victory today but a baby step

The meeting was today with everyone from the administrator, and the nurse manager to my friend R and me.

I got the drift that the nurse manager and therapy were not really considering letting me stand to transfer anytime soon. It was pretty plain that they want me to use the Hoyer because they feel it's safer for me  and the aides. Roberta/nurse manager stated that I complained about feeling hurt after being lifted with aides putting an arm under each of mine to stand me. When she said that, I felt like I was being punished because I noted some aides pull on me harder than others.

Roberta/nurse manager said that it's not safe for me to bend and straighten my knees while I'm standing to transfer. She said it alarms the aides. I told them I bent and straightened my knees twice a month ago because I was frustrated from waiting to go to the bathroom. Roberta wanted assurances that I would not do it again. I don't know exactly how I could do that.

My friend R brought up that she googled and found a different type of gait belt. It goes around the waist and around the thighs so that it cannot pull up like a conventional gait belt. It sounded like mountain climbing equipment to me and probably is something someone adapted from it. I did not see it but the nursing home is going to consider it. That way the aides will have a handhold. They will not have to grab a gait belt that has slid up under my armpits.

It was kind of funny that the therapist was reluctant to state that I am "pear-shaped". I told her that was not a revelation. I know I am pear-shaped because I have been that way pretty much ever since I moved to a nursing home. I don't stand or move as much. My weight was moved down by gravity resulting in more weight from mid torso down.

It just seemed for a while that Roberta/nurse manager wanted to argue with R and me. It was like a fencing dual. And no one was making contact – just flinging the fencing sword around.

I was kind of forced to take over things and ask questions. I said the only time we really learn anything in life is when we do it wrong or make a mistake. I told them I have been dropped by an aide in the hospital using a Hoyer. That has caused me to be very careful about Hoyer use.

I said we needed to look at potential gait belts and Hoyer pads for future use by me. I noted I am not getting any younger and even if we can find a suitable gait belt and stave off Hoyer use presently. I know there will be a time when a Hoyer may be necessary. That let them know I had considered it.

I said I thought we should check out other Hoyer pads which are more comfortable and easier to use. That is something that both me as resident and the staff should have in their favor. Nursing home patient equipment is very generic. They do not necessarily consider individual resident needs and how the generic equipment will fit in. Residents and staff should be considered when equipment is purchased. It should be economical, functional and fit the needs of most every resident.

Nursing homes used to buy generic wheelchairs. One size was supposed to fit most. Now they are measured to particular residents. But, there are still a few generic chairs to get them by until they can more closely define a resident's needs.

There was no large victory today but I think maybe diplomacy took place. All my friend and I wanted were people with open minds who would listen.

I'm hoping that those who attended, and who did not completely agree might have a bit more understanding of me now.

Using the Hoyer for a month tomorrow

I am in the process of being disciplined, and encouraged NOT to show my restoration. On April 26 I bent and straightened my knees twice (while standing to transfer)  and Roberta/nurse manager said I had to use the Hoyer for ALL TRANSFERS. But, I never thought almost a month later I would still be using it.

I felt like I was being put into a sling prison. That Hoyer keeps your captive and there is very little free will movement. I have to be trussed up like a turkey in order to be lifted from place to place. Some of the aides have been lifted in a Hoyer and know that it is not very comfortable. It also can make me a bit dizzy which is something I never considered.

This Hoyer is large because it has the scales. It's difficult to move and clumsy in half of a semi private room. The aides at Somerset tried it a couple of times with the exact same lift – and decided not to use it. They preferred the smaller manual lift.

But this is the only lift they have. I'm surprised to find out that different aides use the Hoyer lift differently. Some help pull me back more in the shower chair seat by pulling on the pad. Some assist me to bend my knee. But there are others who pay no attention and forget that my right leg is just hanging. It is very easy for it to hit parts of the lift.

One of the aides said last week they usually just unhook the bottom two straps on the Hoyer pad when they put a resident in bed to pull up their pants. I was surprised because I suggested that the very first day in the aides acted like they had never done it that way. But, this week JA/aide told a newer aide they could not use the quicker method to pull up my pants because if they hurt me, I would complain. She said that I was quite a complainer.

I wanted so badly to say that some aides are more rough than others. But I didn't.

Tomorrow is the day of the meeting to see if the Hoyer can be discontinued – and some other things.

Tonight I am nervous and I wonder what will happen.

After six weeks, an outing to get a perm

I have not been out of this building in what seems like forever. The last time was April 4 with my sister for shopping and lunch. But that was a quick outing not a long one.

My friend Mike was coming up to take me to get a perm. I don't like to talk too much about going out. But I did tell therapy that I probably would not be here. I did ask if they would help me to transfer to the bathroom and into my power chair after breakfast. Ms. L/therapist emailed they could do that. I hoped it would happen to make things flow better..

Last night, I wished someone could start the van. It never gets driven. Dead batteries have been replaced twice in the last three years, well, AAA replaced them twice and jumpstarted the van twice. A car battery will not stay charged if the vehicle is never driven, or started.

With some trepidation I moved towards this morning. I told Mike the van would probably be dead and would need to be jumped at least. But I hoped I could get out in front of that.

Then, without thinking about it, I forgot to ask if my power chair was plugged in last night . It usually always is but an activity aide was working the floor and that's not her regular routine.

This morning I discovered my chair wasn't plugged in. When I asked an aide to plug it in, they got all bent out of shape. They all said it was not their fault it was not plugged in. I never inferred that it was. I was trying to correct second or third shift's error of forgetting to charge it. The aides plugged it in – just 10 minutes after my last request to do it.

Then E/aide started my van and the battery was dead. I wanted to call AAA. But I had to get ready for the day. So I asked if the receptionist here could call them for me.

They were to be here in 45 minutes. They said I needed to go out and take my ID to prove who I was. I said they could try taking it because I needed to get ready. They took out my ID and AAA card and saved me a trip.

Getting ready was slow. Therapy was not here to help me stand to transfer so the aides had to use the Hoyer – which is slower.

So I went without makeup. Who needs makeup anyway when you're getting a perm that drips all over your face?

I wonder if AAA documented somewhere that a nursing home resident's minivan had a dead battery because the facility did not regularly start her vehicle.

AAA has given my van and me a lot of service. My sister pays for AAA membership. I paid for 20 years of membership a long time ago. I never got one emergency service, battery, or jumpstart from AAA because I never called them. I guess now they are paying up.

After all that drama, I got to the salon and the perm started about 30 minutes later. I wasn't finished until almost 2 PM. My hair is curlier and it got trimmed. It also has more life in it – at least for today.

This morning it was the perils of Pauline. But this afternoon turned out to be better.

A day out  with a friend to get beautified and a lunch of pizza and salad afterwards was special.

This morning… earplug stuck in my right ear

AM/aide must have been in a bad mood this morning. She did not come in to put my braces and shoes on soon after I put my call light on like most of the aides do. She came in when my nurse brought my suppositories and said I could just wait for dayshift aides to put my braces and shoes on. Then, she asked the nurse if she would help her put them on, and she did.

I asked AM to remove my earplugs. She pulled the left one out easily, but said she could not get the right one out. I told her to grab my tweezers and pull on the end of the earplug and it would come out. She said she could not do that. I asked the nurse if she would, and she said she could not do it either. I wonder what was wrong with them. They all have children and I know things always happen with kids, and you have to think innovatively. What was wrong with using tweezers – not to pull on my ears – but to pull on the earplug? Nevertheless, I was told the dayshift nurses would handle it.

After waiting 20 minutes and putting my call light on to get up, nobody came in my room until about 7:05 a.m. Then, it was three aides and two nurses. The whole parade of them came in. Now, bear in mind, I had gotten laxative suppositories over 30 minutes before, and I had to go to the bathroom.

The nurses proceeded to chide me about the fact that the second shift aides had shoved the earplugs in incorrectly. AM/aide kept saying I should not wear them because I cannot take them out of my ears myself. I told them I had been wearing them for over three years. Nevertheless, the nurses said they would have to talk to the nurse manager about it. The only problem is the nurse manager is on vacation until Tuesday.

My roommate snores and I need the earplugs. I started using them when I had a previous roommate who snored, played loud music, and sometimes had the TV on. Believe me, the earplugs are for self-defense against noise headaches and they also allow me to get some sleep. I wondered what I would come up with as a substitute.

One nurse tugged at the earplug. I was so afraid they would send me to the ER to have it removed. Then, she was able to pull it out. I was warned again against earplugs. It's weird because I've worn them for years and never had one get stuck. Perhaps, the last box of earplugs were larger and maybe that's why we had the problem.

After it was out, I was lifted with the Hoyer onto the shower chair so I could go to the bathroom.

I hope they will let me where the earplugs tonight. Because if they don't, I will have a difficult time sleeping.

Preparing for a care conference

I'm having a care conference next week about though Hoyer lift issue. L the ombudsman wanted me to do it earlier this month, but I did not think it was necessary. After all, I just had a care conference on April 6 and I do not think we should need to have another.

L/ombudsman sent me a list of questions earlier this week to answer. They were topics I have been dealing with for the past few months and ones that normally pop up with me. I composed all the answers and sent them to her through her secure email account. I did not have a copy since I cannot send myself copies of sent emails or forwarded emails from that secure email.

When I went there to cut and paste a copy to a word processor, I realized that was not a complete copy of my answers in my reply email.. At first I thought my reply was cut off, because I used too many words. Then I realized that I probably did not cut and paste all of the text into the email. My speech recognition software made an error, or I did.

So I went about re-creating that questionnaire. I need to send it to my friend R who will be attending the care conference with me. I also need to send it to my sister J, the ombudsman and my friend B. I am sending copies to make sure the supportive folks in my life realize what is going on.

There are a lot of issues involved in getting care in a nursing home. Sometimes I think because I can make my own decisions, at least most of them, that things should run smoothly. But I do have to go through aides, nurses, nurse managers, ancillary health professionals who come to the nursing home to provide services, and healthcare professionals and doctors outside the facility. Dealing with all of that can be somewhat complex. I really don't think there's anything that compares to it in the outside world. In a nursing home there are so many layers of bureaucracy.

I also have other issues. I need lighter weight clothing put in my closet. But, so far, housekeeping has not done it. I first put a note up requesting it on April 25. But, housekeeping can't seem to get to it. I had to end up ordering two pairs of lighter weight slacks online which have already been delivered here, but not to me yet. I wanted to make sure I would not be too hot because temperatures were in the 80s last week. I am frequently criticized for ordering clothing. But I need something to wear when it's in the 80s. There are mock turtleneck tops still in my closet.

Any medical equipment I have such as: braces, splints, and any pending appliances need to be addressed at the care conference.

I've also been getting therapy for almost a month I need to find out how long that will continue.

It's a lot to think about and a lot to plan for. Typical, every three month care conferences run about 15 minutes – which is not much time.

I wonder how much time I will have Wednesday to go over my 15, or so, topic agenda.

Feeling invisible

After waiting 45 minutes to see the podiatrist, I went back to my room. But there were no aides around to assist me to get set up at my desktop computer. I asked one (not mine) and she was too busy.

Foiled, I decided to head down to afternoon snack to see what was going on. I was hot and thirsty and wanted a drink. I thought maybe I could quickly get icewater or dietetic Kool-Aid from one of the activity aides.

When I got to the dining room, I pulled in the door and sat there. I thought maybe I was supposed to go to a table. But the only ones were far away and I would have to sit there where no one could see me. There were no floor aides in the dining room helping with snacks either.

One of the activity aides asked me what I wanted. I told her I wanted Kool-Aid or ice water. I also said I might be interested in the free snack if I liked it and if there was someone to feed me. But I knew I would have to wait my turn and realized I'd be last.

When it was my turn, there were only five minutes left of snacktime. The activity aide gave me a drink of Kool-Aid.. She said the free snack was cheese puffs. Then, she said she could not give them to me because my aide was not there to feed them to me. Then, my aide floated through the dining room and disappeared.

I drank most of the Kool-Aid. I gave up on the snack for several reasons: it wasn't my favorite and there was no one to help me eat it. I also suggested that they might want to have a free snack without cheese in it.

Then I went back up on the hallway to see what was going on. I did not see an aide anywhere. But I saw the director of nursing and told her that I got a drink but no snack because I was late and no one was there to feed me. She asked who my aide was and I told her.

I guess I will never know why that happened. Maybe because I never go they did not know what to do about me.

I do wonder why no one called the nurses station so that my aide could be paged to the dining room to help me.

Seeing the podiatrist OVER 14 weeks later

I last saw the podiatrist (who visits the nursing home) on February 1. He told me back then he could only cut my toenails every nine weeks because that's when Medicaid would reimburse him. I thought that was kind of arbitrary – and an awfully long time to go without a toenail trim. I also knew I've never let them grow that long.

The podiatrist came in late April, approximately eight weeks since I had seen him. I asked if the podiatrist would cut my toenails since it had been over two months. Since my name was not on the list, I was told I would have to wait until his next visit. I knew from a friend that Medicaid only pays for her 90-year-old diabetic mother to have a podiatrist cut her toenails every 12 weeks. I realize then I might have to wait longer than nine weeks to get them cut.

By the end of April my toenails were long. They grow 1.6 mm a month, and after two months they had grown 3.2 mm. For me, who always likes my toenails the same length, I felt like an eagle with talons.

I asked when the podiatrist would visit again, and no one seemed to know. I know someone arranged the podiatrist visits and I knew, even if the podiatrist did, someone here at the nursing home knew the schedule.

Since I had no idea when the podiatrist would visit my nails were long and bothering me, I asked if a nurse could do it. The nurse who usually trimmed them said she wouldn't because she felt any nurse could trim them.. After all, I am not diabetic.

Roberta/nurse manager said they would be cut, but could not get a nurse to say she would.  All of a sudden on May 2, a male nurse who's been here over a year came in and said he would cut my toenails. I was shocked! I asked him if he was sure he wanted to trim them. He assured me he did. Then he trimmed them and did a really good job. I complemented him and emailed the nurse manager telling her how pleased I was. I wondered if he would trim them every six weeks or so for me. That's not as often as I would like, but I will give a little to get a little.

Today I was in the dining room and I was told we residents needed to leave so it could be cleaned because the podiatrist was coming. I was told to see him since I had not seen him since February 1. But, I said my toenails were cut just a little over two weeks ago. I knew that the podiatrist would not cut them again, after them being cut a little over two weeks ago.. I explained that I have to wait 9 to 12 week so that Medicaid will reimburse him for it. I also said I did not have the funds to pay him.

But, the aides said I was always refusing to see the podiatrist. They felt I was being uncooperative. So, I agreed to see him and waited probably 45 minutes in the front lobby waiting.

I let all the older residents, those who are heavily medicated, and the anxious ones go first. I would not try to ditch the line, because I hate that, and I would not purposefully do it to someone else.

Finally, the podiatrist called my name. I told him the aides wanted him to check my toenails which were cut about two weeks ago. He pulled my shoe off, felt my toenails through my stocking and said it was not a medical necessity for them to be cut and he didn't.

So I left, and told both nurses what podiatrist told me.

I also talked to the director of nursing. She told me if I do not want to see the podiatrist, I do not have to. I told her I went because the aides said I refuse all the time and felt I was not being cooperative.

Maybe someday they will be a better system where maybe a retired nurse practitioner can cut nursing home resident's toenails. That way there would be less cost to Medicaid and the nurse practitioners would give better service and maybe cut toenails every 10 weeks instead of every 14 weeks.

Not feeling as Zen today.

They just do not know how to get me into that shower chair straight consistently. I would think they would want to learn that. The aides at Somerset did so why wouldn't they want to do it here.

Anyway I was in the chair okay but to go to the shower I needed to be able to straighten up or restand. I was told I could not do that by my aide J. She said you either go to the shower, or go back to bed. I opted for the shower. I was afraid I would slide out.

While she was washing me, she lifted my right leg. I actually expected to end up sliding onto the floor. Luckily, I didn't.

I made a major mess this morning in the bathroom. That usually only happens if I'm on the shower chair crooked, or it's not over the toilet properly. I had a poop spray on the floor two and half feet beside me on the right. And it did it every time I went. It even happened after my shower.

For a little while there I thought maybe they gave me some type of extra laxative I wasn't aware of. But, it might be just the stress I'm going through with this Hoyer lift situation.

After breakfast I was able to stand to transfer with the help of therapists. Then I stood again to get back into my power chair.

Then Ms. L put hot packs on my hip, thigh and knee to loosen up the spasticity. Then, she did some stretches. Her stretches are not as intense as Alex's are. But, at least I know I will not be horribly sore later.

When she went to put my right foot back on the foot rest, it spasmed and Ms. L could not break that spasm. So she just tried to loosen the muscles and eventually she got it up on the foot rest again.

She says she's aggravated that I'm not able to use the standing to transfer method after she recommended it last week. Ms. L told me it was approved and everything. But I still have the feeling something was not in order. Or, I would be standing to transfer.

There is no doubt I will be using the Hoyer until Roberta/nurse manager comes back next Tuesday.

That's going to seem like a very long six days.

Another Hoyer day

They lifted me with the Hoyer out of bed this morning like they have been. I may have been a bit straighter. Perhaps some of the aides have thought about what I have said about being crooked.

I just decided to go with the Hoyer and give up protesting. If they do not help me, there's not much I can do anyway. But, maybe if I'm quiet, they will decide to do it because I'm not giving them trouble. They get so defensive about everything. But it would be difficult to work here and have to see many of the things they see multiple times every day with residents.

After breakfast care, Ms. L/therapist and Alex/PT assistant assisted me to stand and transfer to the shower chair. I was certainly more comfortable standing to get into it.

Ms. L wanted to know how I was feeling earlier and I put my stoic face on. There's not much she can do with the big boss gone. So I decided just to put up with it. I can understand why captives have Stockholm syndrome and develop a relationship with the person who has kidnapped them. There isn't much else they can do to get free, and making their present more comfortable is better. I went with that thought today.

After a bathroom break Ms. L/therapist and Alex/PT assistant assisted me to stand and transfer back to my power chair. Alex put heat on my hip, thigh and knee. I felt my leg relax instantly.

Then Alex did some exercises. But he is strong and was really bending my knee and stretching my hip and thigh. I told him while it felt like I was stretching really well right then, I did not want to be in pain later. So I suggested he ease up some, which he did.

Previously, Ms. L/therapist asked me how things were going. I told her I suppose we could come up with some type of intervention plan for me to determine whether I am having a meltdown. I told her the only problem is a previous one I had stated in its preface that the aides and nurses had to make sure that my needs were met. In other words, they could not call "behavior" if I was upset because I could not get to the bathroom quick enough. She nodded knowingly. I said I can draw up a plan which is similar to that. I wonder if nursing management and everyone down the line would be interested.

We had a brief discussion about "behaviors". I told her I think everything gets blamed on "behaviors". I told her everything is not a behavior. For some things there is cause and effect. We also chatted about nurses and aides having behaviors – sometimes worse than residents they care for.

I feel the aides want assurances that I will not bend and straighten my knees when I'm frustrated or achy while standing. I want them to treat me with respect and honor my needs.

Perhaps I could work it out so we can come to an agreement. There must be a way that both they and me can get most of what we want.

Standing this morning – only with therapy

This Monday morning I was lifted with the Hoyer just like I have been for the last over two weeks. For some reason, I thought it would be different.

Riding up and down the hallways after breakfast Ms. L/therapist approached me. She asked me if I was ready. I was going to say – ready to escape – you betcha. But I didn't.

Instead, I came back to my room where Ms. L/therapist and Mr. A/PT assistant stood me to transfer into the shower chair. My aide held the chair and tipped it a bit. But at least I was in it better and not hurting like I was when I was lowered onto it crookedly with the Hoyer.

Then after my bathroom break and quite a long wait for my aide to return, my a.m. care was finished and Ms. L/therapist and Mr. A/PT assistant stood me to transfer back into my power chair. Ms. L arranged hot packs around my right leg to loosen up my muscles. I was sort of lost in thought while she was stretching me, and didn't really feel the burn.

Ms. L wanted to know why there was so much pushback from the aides about me transferring. She assured me everything was in order and have been shown to Roberta/nurse manager last week before she went on vacation. Ms. L said she had a discussion, with the aides, I guess. I just wonder what they said.

Earlier, when we were all together in my room. She told them they were keeping me from standing with assistance to transfer. They seemed to be finding all kinds of problems. One said I won't want to use a gait belt. Even though, I have not said that, they know from the past I dislike using it and so do they. Ms. L did explain that I could refuse it – if I wanted.

So, I think there is a mini coup d'état going on. The aides do not want to do this without some type of assurances by someone. Maybe they just want to wait until Roberta/nurse manager returns from vacation. Slick St.

Someone on the outside needs to take a look at the situation and figure out what needs to happen next. Maybe seeing the therapy plan for standing transfers might help me understand what the problem is. But, then again, I doubt it.

Ms. L/therapist said she would like to have each of the aides spend an hour sitting on my shower chair. She felt that would be the only way they would understand how I feel. But she did say there is no way that any of them could sit down on it and be as crooked as I was this morning.

It's unfortunate that the aides who care for me cannot understand something about me as basic as toileting and personal hygiene. I like to to be clean, and showers, though they are brief, are relaxing. I wonder if any of them feels any compassion about me and my situation.

My third Hoyer Sunday

I think this series of Hoyer articles is probably larger than a pamphlet and getting closer to the size of a dime novel. To me, there is nothing novel about using the Hoyer. Novel means "new" and there's nothing new about using it. I did six weeks of this Hoyer thing at my previous nursing home and I know how awful it is up close and personal.

This morning we had the same ineptness occur when I was transferred into the shower chair. AM/aide did not do her usual Hoyer transfer for some reason. She was not my aide but that should not matter. The results matter. Getting me comfortable in the shower chair so that I can sit there for almost an hour is what needs to happen.

So I was in it again crooked. My poor right leg and hip were hurting because they were hanging off the shower chair. There is nothing that can be done. I cannot be re-stood since standing is not allowed. I should have asked them to re-Hoyer me, but that would have required that another aide be beckoned to my room to assist.

Instead I sat in pain getting washed up. I should just have asked to be hoyered to the bed. But then getting back to the bathroom would have been in doubt.

No one knows what it feels like to be sitting and uncomfortable. The shower chair seat is made out of plastic and it's hard. There is a toilet seat on it with an opening in the front. Consequently, there isn't much comfort built in. The shower chair is meant for short stays – long enough to get a shower.

No other resident here gets hoyered onto a regular size shower chair like mine. One other female resident is hoyered onto a larger shower chair. But she has use of her hands and she might be able to scoot herself back. Regardless, she is not paralyzed on one side like me, so her situation is not similar. She's 75 years old and I hope they can get her into that larger shower chair in a way that's halfway comfortable. If she has to sit and be uncomfortable like me, I think it's barbaric. There needs to be a way to adjust a resident in the shower chair with a Hoyer.

Nothing can be done very quickly with the Hoyer. I always try to make sure I'm finished with my toileting before I head to breakfast. There is no way I can quickly get to the bathroom in the Hoyer. Having an accident would just happen.

As it was, I had be rolled back into the toilet pretty quickly midway through getting my hair combed for the day.

Luckily K, who is not my aide today, helped my aide get me pulled back into the shower chair properly after breakfast for my next potty run.

Maybe tomorrow, if therapy is here, things will be better.

I certainly hope so.

Another Saturday with the Hoyer

This morning two night shift aides got me up with the help of a day shift aide. I wonder if the night shift aides are not allowed to get me up with the Hoyer by themselves. And then, AM/aide did not do the Hoyer lift like she's done it before. She was not guiding the Hoyer sling like she has done before. I think my aide was doing it. AM/aide did not pull up on the Hoyer sling as I was lowered into the shower chair. She also did not quickly pull out the Hoyer pad from behind me like she did last week. We needed it out because I was being washed up. I don't know what they were thinking.

By the time K my aide came to do my wash up, it was later. Kay had to get another resident up. And she cannot make up for being behind schedule very well. I said I was crooked in the shower chair. K assured me she felt bad about my position, but she said there was nothing she could do. I told her we need a better method for using the Hoyer, and she agreed.

After breakfast when I was transferred to my bed to get my pants down and then to the shower chair K, pulled up on the Hoyer pad behind my left hip. That got me back in the chair the right way. K said that Hoyer has something wrong with it and does not lift me straight. She said one side of it seems to be lower and she compensates for that. The last thing I wanted to hear was that the Hoyer was not working properly.

Anyway K figured out what to do to get me into a better position on the shower chair. It worked much better after breakfast. Now, if the other aides will just do what K does I will be in a much better spot in the shower chair.

It's kind of weird because we did better the first weekend I used it than we are now. Probably everyone was being more careful because they had never really used it with me before.

So, I sat and composed an email to Ms. L/therapist. I told her that we need to have a plan for the Hoyer's use to make it more functional when I'm getting onto the shower chair. I also said we need a Hoyer discontinuation plan that is well drawn out. Not everyone is a good writer or even a good thinker. Maybe that part of my plan has not even been started, but only talked about. Perhaps therapy thought I'd return to standing for transfers with the aides, like I used to. But it is going to be more complicated than that. There will have to be planning steps..

E mentioned yesterday morning that she's afraid as soon as I start standing with the aides to transfer that I will bend and straighten my knees and then nothing will be solved. They want some type of assurance that I will not bend and straighten my knees while transferring. Maybe with the help of the ombudsman something can be worked out.

Another horrible Friday

I wonder when I'm supposed to do when I'm uncomfortable on the shower chair and no one will fix it. Whatever I do, I have to be very careful. What I did this morning did not work. The only way I got to be more comfortable was to be hoyered back into bed without the warm shower which would have made everything better.

Let's back up 45 minutes. I got my suppositories at 6:21 a.m. I put the call light on at 6:41 a.m. That meant I wanted to get up. I was hoping they would be in my room within 10 minutes. That would give me 10 or 15 minutes in the bathroom – maybe – before I would need to get going to get my shower.

Instead, no one came to my room until 7 AM, or a little after. That meant we were hurrying more than we really should have. I asked them to please make sure my right hip was back in the chair. I guess to them it looks okay. But since I cannot stand up to resituate myself in the shower chair, they have to get it right the first time. This morning they didn't and I'm the one who paid for it.

I was crooked on the shower chair. When they pulled out the Hoyer pad straps, I slid a bit more. There is no reason for that to happen. They act like they do not know how to get a Hoyer pad out from under me. AM (night shift aide) does it so slick. She pulls me forward and pulls it out. She's been an aide since she was 18 years old – and probably has used a few different Hoyer lifts. I wish she had been here this morning.

Everyone acted like their head was up there butt. They put me in the bathroom and I was not comfortable. There was not enough tension on the call light. They have no idea how hard it is for me to turn on the call light when they do not situate me properly. So I pulled the call light on before they left. I told them I wanted to be more comfortable. They will not do an arm and leg lift to get me back in the chair. Yes, it is not that easy. But, the only other alternative would be to use the Hoyer to get me back.

By the time I got to my room I was leaning in the chair and both of my hips were hurting. It was just because I was slanted and twisted in the chair. Sitting on a shower chair crooked is uncomfortable. I was told I had to go that way or not get a shower. I said I felt they were abusing me.

They went and got my nurse and she told me I had to go back to bed or I would be sent out for a psych eval. So I was hoyered back into bed. Two aides washed me up. It was never my shower day so my hair was not washed and my legs were not shaved. This same thing happened two weeks ago when the same two aides were assigned to me – E and J.

Ms. L the therapist came in while I was in here by myself and everyone was at resident breakfast. She asked me what happened. I asked her why I was not allowed to get up this morning. She assured me she told my nurse but I told her no one knew about it and they would not let me stand. If my standing was A-OK with everybody, then why didn't the aides stand me. Maybe they are supposed to be trained first – and I didn't know about that.

Suffice it to say that I made it through the morning. Ms. L put hot packs on my right hip and thigh for about 15 minutes. Then, she did some range of motion on my very stiff right knee and hip. She told me it's much stiffer when I'm lying down.

Then Ms. L/therapist, got me up with the assistance of an aide. Getting me up out of bed wasn't easy or slick. Ms. L told them they needed to raise my bed. For a minute there she was starting to sound like me. So, I guess I have to wait until Monday to officially start to stand with aides as they are trained by Ms. L.

For this weekend I will be using the Hoyer. I certainly hope the weekend aides are compassionate and allow me to sit back in the shower chair as much as possible, so I can be more comfortable.