Am I the goddess mama?

I will call him Moses which is not his name. He has been a resident here for over a year. He's in his early 20s, racially mixed, and his skin is a light mocha color.

When he was comfortable here, I knew I did not have much in common with a young man. I'm sure I probably just said hello and went on about my business. But he's followed me up and down the hall – right behind my power chair. I don't know why he does that, but I wonder if he is lonely. He's kind of a cute little guy even though he has a missing, or broken front tooth.

He told me that he likes rap and that he used to perform. I don't know if that is true or not, but he may have. A month or so ago there was a memo on the wall in the hallway saying the facility was searching for talent for a show sometime in the future. After that, I started thinking about Moses maybe doing a rap song from Hamilton – the Broadway musical. I wonder if he even knows anything about it.

Several weeks ago before I had all my Hoyer lift troubles, I told him I would teach him a rap song and get him the lyrics. I don't know if there is a way for me to get him the melody that he'd have to learn. But, I thought he could do it, or we could do it. Well, life got in my way, and I kind of put that on the back burner and forgot about it.

Sometimes I think it should be okay for a 68-year-old woman to watch a movie or just talk with a 20 something year old young man. But, a couple of the aides say that Moses can be a bit too friendly. I guess they mean he gets a little touchy, grabby at times.

Moses and I talked for a little bit in the hallway. He has an aunt who takes him out. Maybe I'm a sort of an aunt substitute here. It's kind of funny because a few months ago Moses called me goddess mama. I didn't know quite what to think about that. But I think the term is cute.

Earlier this afternoon I was playing Free Cell on my desktop PC. I heard a little knock knock on the door. It opened slightly and it was Moses. He asked if I was playing solitaire, and I told him I was. He said, "Maybe you'll win the next one".

He said, "I've never seen your room". I said, "You can come in". But I was feeling a little insecure about him coming in, and maybe I sounded that way. Moses said, "I bet they'll find a way to run me out".

Thinking about it as others would, I told him maybe someday, though not tomorrow because I'm going out, I can bring him down and show him my room.

When the aides came in to help me a little bit later. I told them about Moses' visit. I said I do not think much good can come of him visiting me. One of the aides said that she felt Moses just needed someone to talk to.

I have heard that Moses says some really strange things. I just don't want to put myself in an uncomfortable spot.

Since I would like to remain the goddess mama, I want to have a talk with him about friendship parameters. I don't want him to get any outlandish ideas about me. Loneliness and desperation can cause residents to have relationships of convenience. Then, later, things fall apart and it hurts.

I can never be brave and just see what happens. The reason why is, that's just not me.