A sort of sunless summer

I used to like summer. But one time I was also thinner and cooler when it was warm outside. When I lived on my own for thirteen years, I used to lay out on my sun bed. I remember that some of my condo neighbors thought my caregivers MADE ME lay out in the sun. I had to assure them that laying out was my idea and that I felt it helped me immensely. Many summers I was quite brown and very proud of my tan.

But as I got closer to 40 I realized I would not be able to keep getting such a dark tan every summer. I knew it would be dangerous and potentially harmful to my skin.

When I moved to my first nursing home, I was able to go outside and sit in the sun. But, I did not ever get to put on a bikini or shorts and a top and lie on a sun bed. I have to admit that up until I turned 60, I missed it. I always associated lying in the sun with feeling better. But even if I had been allowed to lay out, there was no private place that I could without others, sometimes many others, seeing me.

Still, I sat outside and got some sun on my face and arms. I have not worn shorts since I've had to wear a leg brace all the time for support. Since then, I wear slacks and my legs have not seen much sun.

At this nursing home we are on a residential street. It looks to me like two houses were demolished to build this building. There is no fence around it and there is no flat, grassy area for residents to sit out and enjoy the sun. The building is surrounded on three sides by blacktop and cement. In this urban/suburban setting, sitting out there would be pretty hot.

So there isn't much to look forward to in summer. I can look out the windows the windows and see the sun shining, the grass growing, the trees swaying in the breeze, and the flowers in the neighbors' yards. But I'm seldom out in it. Some days it makes me so sad. It's not too bad to be inside in the winter time. After all, going out then could be uncomfortable. For me using a power chair it would be difficult getting through snow and ice.

But spring and summer are special and it's hard for me to keep my spirits up when I have no way to go out and enjoy the weather every day. After all, I can't capture the sun and put it in a bottle.

There is a patio in the back but it is small. If I were to go out there in my power chair, I would, of necessity call have to pretty much stay in one spot. It was made for walking residents and not for very many of them.

While I no longer care to be outside when it's over 90° – except four a short time. I still would like to feel the hot sun and warm air on my skin.

There's just something about it that makes me feel more human and like any other of God's creatures.