Emotion and problems

It's very difficult to remove emotion from your difficulties. Everything we experience is colored by the feelings we have at the time.

Today I went down to therapy to stand for tolerance. I had no idea what that meant here.

Ms. L/facility therapist put me in the hallway. I understand why now because the therapy room was busy with other residents. I never saw the therapy mats or the parallel bars. I don't know what happened to them.

Ms. L told me she wanted me to stand with my arms supported on an over the bed table. I told her I was dubious because over the bed tables are not very strong. Nevertheless she wanted me to do it. She explained why. She said that would get some weight off my legs and put it on my arms. But, she didn't realize that I never put weight on my arms, and that it might be uncomfortable..

She and Mr. A got me up with a gait belt which smashes my almost boob, which doesn't feel the greatest. But it's necessary for safety, or so they say.

And so I stood but I did not feel like I was standing on my feet like I usually do. Of course, I have not stood since Thursday and I only did it twice.

My knees locked stiff and hyperextended. I asked if I could bend and straighten my knees to relax my legs. They were not very happy about it but they let me. Actually, they didn't have much choice.

I told them I was really stiff and have no opportunity to move my legs. I told them I'm always trapped and confined no matter where I am.

Putting my arms on the table made them numb. I'm sure they did not foresee that because they were trying to find a resting spot.

So we stopped. I should have had her check to make sure the Hoyer straps were not in my way because I thought they were all morning.

My joystick seemed like it was pretty far back. Ms. L could not figure out what the problem was. They thought I looked straighter than I usually do in my power chair.

I fumbled and got to the elevator and we made it upstairs. I was having trouble using the joystick. Ms. L got me some water because I was feeling stressed.

I went down towards my room and then headed towards the dining room. I went in and the table where I sit was too close to the table behind it. Instead of saying something, I turned and went in. When I went to turn and face in the proper direction, the back wheel of my chair hit a female resident's wheelchair. Then, the power chair started moving forward. It pushed against the table and pushed it. The table pushed another female resident's wheelchair and slid her sideways. I finally said, "Turn it off, turn it off". And J my aide turned it off.

There was a scurry of activity. Then, J asked if I should be removed from the dining room and be fed in my room. I told them it was an accident, but I'm not sure they believed me.

E used my joystick and put me back to the table and my chair was turned off. I only ate part of lunch because it had been a disturbing morning. When I went to leave, I asked J if she would grab my pants on the right side and pull me towards the right. When she did that, my left arm rest popped up and moved forward an inch (all by itself).

After that happened, I could reach the joystick just fine. I came back to my room and emailed Ms. L to tell her that I thought the Hoyer pad or its straps had become stuck in my armrest and moved it far enough to affect the positioning of the joystick. I wonder if she can help me figure out how to keep that from happening again.