Day 1 – after hearing decision

It's been an interesting day and not a sad one. It does seem like some of the staff are kind of goading me. I know I got insider information about the hearing decision. I really think the mailed notice will take longer to get here. But I'm proceeding anyway.

When I got on my desktop PC there was a call from Legal Aid. I called them and they returned my call. They said if the nursing home set up another place for me to go, there is not really much they can do. Although, there is a process in my state. But it would be more easily done if I could afford to hire an attorney. I could have afforded an attorney seven years ago and couldn't find one who would take my case. I guess no one must ever fight in negative involuntary discharge hearing decision. I haven't given up. I'm just waiting for the actual hearing decision document. I went to see what it says. The logic of it will be interesting.

So, I emailed Roberta, the nurse manager here, to see what she would charge for a staff person to help me for a couple of days with sorting through my things. I told her I would like to get rid of things and need some assistance. I said if she cannot provide it then I will have to look outside the facility either for volunteers or hire someone to assist me.

Roberta did come down and said she wanted to know how I knew the outcome of the hearing. I told her the ombudsman emailed me. Roberta said not want this move to be horrible. I'm trying to understand her perspective. She says I can get a couple of days from her most organized housekeeper. She says all of them will help me move in all the vehicles they have. She said that's what the owner agreed to. I have no idea why they're doing this.

I told my aides on dayshift this morning that I'm moving. I told them I don't want to but I'm going because that's what I have to do. One of them thinks I will like the bedroom community nursing home. She said her mother is a mail carrier and delivers mail to that nursing home. Well, I hate to say I've heard similar comments, about my first nursing home. Everybody has their own idea of what a good nursing home looks like.

Then, I worked on my freelance writing this morning because writing gives me joy, even when it's difficult. It seems to be something I can control, at least most of the time. Usually I can get my words to sound better just by thinking in a different way. I wish life could be that easy.

This afternoon, I made lists of what I have, what I know I bought, what I no longer need, and what I want to get rid of. There is also the goodie pile "the donation pile". I need to figure out whether I should just donate, or try to sell some things. I sort of feel badly about selling things. But, I'm going to think about it. Maybe I can make enough to pay for a dinner out, gasoline, or something.

I think I bought many things here trying to to make myself feel more at home. I didn't do that at my first nursing home. I think this hoarding thing, or keeping everything thing, comes from being cut down on space and feeling confined. I think I wanted to go against the norms, in order not to feel typical. And buying particular things is a statement.

Maybe I'm getting mentally healthier by making plans. It's something that helps me feel more organized in life.