Day 5 – after hearing decision

It's a day when I felt very frustrated. I could do nothing myself to get my things together or help to organize the move. I don't know if anyone understands how that bothers me. It's not just the control issue. It's letting everybody else do everything, and make all the decisions, that upsets me.

It was hard to concentrate on anything. The nursing home was shortstaffed again with the same aide doing a "no call, no-show". So, we had a night shift aide stay over until 9 AM or so, and then he left. There were two after that. For some reason these two had trouble getting their stuff done. One is a pretty good worker. But, I don't know what's wrong with the other one. Perhaps she went to the bar last night, hoisted a few, and was feeling the effects this morning. She was kind of belligerent which is the way some folks react to alcohol.

But she was okay this morning. This afternoon however, degenerated down to a lackluster performance. It is very nerve-racking when there are only two aides. We don't have the nurses who are dynamic working this shift on this weekend. In fact, not many of the nurses voluntarily do more than a nurse is supposed to.

I had to watch all this and try to feel good about it anyway. Then, we have an 86-year-old male resident who has sepsis in his leg and will not let the nurses, or anyone, do anything about it. He will not take antibiotics or any other medicine either. He's old, in pain, and mad as hell and won't to take it anymore.

He was pounding on his door and I was afraid he was going to injure his hands. Then, I thought maybe they had him locked in the aides' room. That gave me pause. I thought they might be doing it for his own protection. Luckily, I discovered he was pounding on the door of his private room. He probably asked maintenance to fix the door months ago and maybe they did. But, it may still be broken again. That's what happens in older nursing homes with older doors, etc.

After lunch I had to wait an eternity to get to go to the bathroom. I have a cold and either the zinc lozenges or the virus is causing me to have stomach cramps. I needed to get to the bathroom in a hurry – and the aides couldn't get me there quick enough. I had an accident which I was embarrassed about. Then, I was taken to task for being upset about it.

Since I was staying in my room, I just wanted to throw a blanket over my legs and get set up at my desktop. But, my nurse said, "Not on my watch". They got a clean pair of slacks and put them on, which was okay. I was just trying to save them work, because I was going to lie down in a little over an hour.

I wonder it when I go to this other nursing home if I can trade services from aides. For instance, tonight my diaper was rubbing my left groin and hurting really badly. Pulling up and down on it sometimes helps. But it didn't this evening. I bargained with the aide feeding me. I told her I would give up eating the crackers I had to calm my stomach and just eat the dried fruit – a small amount – if she'd fix my diaper instead of feeding me.

She did fix the diaper. But I stuck to my deal and only ate the dried fruit. I told them sometimes I need to have the most important thing fixed first. I can let less important things, like eating, go.

My temperatures is a bit elevated this evening. No one has taken it in quite a long time. They don't even take it once a month. I find that interesting.

I'm heading online to find a way to entertain myself. It may be reading the New York Times which I didn't get to today. Or, there might be some other mind confection available that will cause me to feel better about life.