Waiting a lot – during the holidays

The holidays have lasted almost a week, and I'm extremely tired of them. It seems like I've been waiting for everything since last Saturday when the Wi-Fi wouldn't connect.

That meant I had to scramble to figure out what I could do on my laptop (with my free time) and no Wi-Fi. I know that shouldn't seem like much of a hardship. But, using the laptop and desktop are two of the things I do on my own without assistance, unless they don't work, stop working, or need restarted.. That's about as close to freedom as I get.

It's the only time I don't have to think every second about how I'll communicate with the nurses down front. I wouldn't have to depend on the call light for assistance. I could Skype phone them. But instead, I follow established pattern and use the call light, and wait – just like I do all day, and at night. But, when I'm on my desktop or laptop I have something to do while waiting.

It's been kind of weird because ever since I got Wi-Fi back, I can't get back in my groove. Maybe I'm just tired from the sore throat I've had since a week before Christmas. I just don't seem to have any joy in doing anything. That's why I hate winter so much. It doesn't motivate me much. It only does when I'm out, in the cold, invigorated, and can't wait to get back indoors.

I know it does something to my soul when I have to WAIT all the time. I know when I put the call light on and I want something specific. If an aide doesn't get here soon enough, I forget what I wanted specifically. I can always get a drink when an aide comes in, since they're seldom in here every hour.

Then, it makes we feel that because I'm an older person, disabled and need help, that I don't really have any needs. And I know that's not true.

I could at least stand some companionship, or socialization. Activities here doesn't seem to do any one on ones with me. I guess since I can direct my own activities, maybe they think they don't need to.

I found out this afternoon that the facility is full on these two front halls. The dementia unit has three empty beds. As I've wrote to a friend of mine in an email, people are Dying to Get Out Of Here.

Once I get my evening writing duties finished, then I enter into my joy time. Sometimes there's no joy time if I have banking, taxes, business,, blog writing, or online shopping to do.

Shopping's is one more thing I have to do online and be able to get mostly everything. The bite is I used to enjoy going out monthly with a family member or friend, on an outing just to shop for a few things. Somehow doing it online – all the time – and enduring the higher prices – is not a reward. Instead, it adds pressure to my shopping which used to be fun.

Well, my call light's been on for almost thirty minutes. So I'm back to waiting mode.