The difficult part – adjusting

I guess it was easier when I was new to this nursing home. Now, I've been here a month and I sort of know what's going on. Unfortunately, I'm still feeling uncomfortable.

Even though this nursing home has some amenities I've wanted, I'm still nervous and afraid.

My best friend, Beth visited today. It was kind of weird. I was able to see her pull onto the drive and come up to the building. I couldn't do that at my previous nursing home. There were no windows large enough to watch what was going on on its residential street. I missed all arrivals and departures of family and friends. It was strange to finally see one.

Beth likes this place and the way it looks. She likes the fact that she does not have to sign it as a visitor. She likes that it's bright and airy, cozy look. I have to say the decor does make me feel less anxious. I'm wondering if the looks of the place truly make that much of a difference.

The thing that does make a difference is cleanliness. I never could stand my nursing home room to me dirty or cluttered. Here I enjoy that it is clean.

But, today, over a month later, I still do not feel like the captain of my ship.

I'm settling into a different environment, where I'm no longer the strangest resident. I'm no longer the only one with a power chair.

But I feel far away from my sister. My friend Beth did say I could move near her if I wanted. But I know in my heart that is not something I should really do.

I want and need someone to help me feel like me again. Even though I have no funds to hire helpers, I still need help.

Is it realistic to depend on others to help me meet my goals and get done what I need done?

I'm wondering how I keep everything organized here. It was falling apart long before I left my previous facility.

Is there anyway that I can make it feel like it's coming together here?