Way too cold

Even though I have not been out in it. I've seen the snow through my window. Snow has been on the ground ever since Christmas Eve. And it's been really, really cold. This weekend may be the last and worst of it, at least I'm hoping.

Is not as though I go out that much in January anyway, I usually don't. However, in midmonth, or late month, the weather warms enough for me to go for a short outing with a friend.

My sister is smart. She lives in Naples Florida and does not usually come back to Ohio until late February or mid March warm-up. She called me yesterday to tell me it was 51° in the morning. They are used to going swimming there, doing water aerobics (with a friend) every morning. Likely, yesterday the water in the pool is heated to 85°. So they jumped in and did their aerobic exercises anyway.

She said she had to resist the temptation to turn on the heat in the house. She said the thermostat read 72°. But to her it did not feel that warm.

She even told me the dog did not want to walk and instead wanted to go back home.

No one here talks much about the weather except to say is it's cold. But I'm sure the smokers are happily a time. I don't know they have a covered shack to smoke in. But, if they don't , I feel sorry for them. It has to be really cold out just to stand and smoke.

But I'm sure they go to their cars, which would be smarter, and warmer.

A friend was supposed to visit next week but I told her to hold off until midmonth. I was afraid it would be way too cold for me to even consider going out. And even though I enjoy a visit in the facility, I would like to to go on an outing outside the facility.

I just wonder if January 2018's weather is going to warm up – anytime soon.

How to plan for company – now

I guess maybe I need to ask social services how to plan for a visitor when that visitor can only come on certain days. I don't really have a plan anymore about getting up at all, except on shower days. I didn't get a shower on Christmas because it was a Monday and they weren't prepared to give me one. The same was true of New Year's Day – another Monday.

R (a friend) wanted to visit next Monday. But I'm concerned it'll be way too cold for us to go out and maybe miserable for her to travel. I'm sure she travels other places but I don't want to worry about R being out, trying to get to me for a visit, and having problems. I suggested she move her visit to mid-January hoping the weather will warm some. Today it's -15 (real feel), and I think that's pretty cold.

Maybe as we move away from the holidays things will get better. I'm not really sure about that, but I can hope. I thought I had a routine established until they put me on the Hoyer at the beginning of November. Then, when the Hoyer they were using for me broke on 12/6 I ceased to have a plan.

Since then I have no idea what's going on. They were supposed to get new Hoyer pads right after Christmas. Maybe they got them but none of the aides have said anything about it. I don't know if they ordered the style with the toileting hole, or if any were U-shaped. But, I haven't asked, nor has anyone told me. I also wonder if the tilting Hoyer lift that broke will ever be fixed. I suppose they'll get a new lift eventually.

R suggested January 15 or 16 as possible visit days. I suggested 1/15 since I get a shower that day. I felt that way at least I'd be clean. But for some reason R said she would visit on 1/16. Now, I'm confused. Tuesdays aren't usually good days here and I have no idea why. But, I'm afraid I'll not get washed up well enough for company on Tuesday 1/16. So, I'm trying to clarify that.

I really hate worrying about being ready for company. I so seldom get it. Yet I worry about not being ready all the time. Most of my life I prepared for visitors, or company, that never showed up. I also planned for trips I never took, boyfriends I never met, and men who never became my husband. But, I never minded – because at least I was ready.

It looks like I need to write a note to social services to help me straighten my schedule out. I'm getting weak from not getting up. But, I'm getting over the sore throat I've had for over two weeks.

I wonder if I'll have things figured out before R visits in almost two weeks.

The holidays are over

My holidays got all topsy-turvy early. Because I was put on the Hoyer in November. Thanksgiving felt funny and I didn't eat with other residents as I had at my previous facility. When the Hoyer lift broke in December things got really messed up. Without enough Hoyer pads, I was never sure what day I would be up and for how long.

The facility ordered new pads but they did not get here until after Christmas. I have no idea what they ordered or if any of them are the U-shaped pads but I prefer they use. In December I missed out on two outings with friends, because of the lack of Hoyer pads to get me up and ready. That made me feel like I wasn't in control of my life at all.

I enjoy going out before and after Christmas every year. I guess I've been lucky that I've been able to do it. I also miss my sister whose now in Florida and not 50 miles away where I can call her and she can possibly just drop in. That makes me feel kind of adrift, and all alone.

I've been in my room a lot and hiding away from everyone. But being in bed is the only way I could be sure I can lie down when I'm tired and need to.

I've also had sore throat since a week before Christmas. That had me dragging.

I like to plan and planning has not been happening much lately. I've been a planner all my life and lots of my plans never came to fruition. But, at least I was prepared for just about every occurrence.

I'm kind of glad the holidays are over. I don't have to pretend to feel happy when I'm not. I don't feel like I've blended in here very well. But being without the proper equipment to lift me and move me between bed and power chair caused me to feel more of an outcast.

I think some aides here think I should just trust them to do what I need and not worry about it. But it's very difficult for me to do. I've been through a lot and I know they just don't realize it.

Perhaps in the new year I will be able to find the things that eluded me during the holidays.

Ordering in – just for me – on New Year's Eve

Since I've been here I have not ordered food in for myself to eat by myself. It's only been done with a friend or my family.

I felt since I didn't know the flow here after supper well, that I should wait. I also feel I don't want to start ordering out for food very often because it costs money and also because the extra calories will cause weight gain.

I wanted to order out so badly last weekend but there was no way I could get something special for Christmas dinner at noon time. The aides said most of the local restaurants which deliver weren't open Christmas Day – not even Chinese. No one offered to run and get me something from a local fast food restaurant, so I gave up on the idea.

Today, I just had to figure out where to get food. It had to be someplace that'd deliver. I also wanted to avoid needing to order $15 worth of food in order to get it delivered.

I considered Chinese because I like it and because the Chinese place which delivers has really good food. But I've had it many times since I first ordered it with my friend Beth in early October.

So, earlier I was sitting here thinking how to get the best food at the best price.

I thought about ordering a whole pizza and maybe even a larger one to split with the aides. But I was afraid that might cause a problem. What if they weren't allowed to eat it? I didn't want to have to throw A LOT OF the extra food thrown away.

So I decided to order a 7 inch pizza and a side salad just for me.

It came and maybe because it was something different, it tasted really good. I've never had a 7 inch pizza before and I'm glad it was good.

I think my aide was surprised that I ate three out of four pieces, and I asked her to put the last piece in the break room. She knows I seldom eat very much. I don't eat between meals except for a mint, or at holiday time – a piece or two of good candy.

I hate to reward myself with food. But occasionally, it might not be such a bad thing to do. My previous facility wouldn't allow us residents to order out individually. We had to do it in the loop with other residents while activities was overseeing. Since I didn't care for the food at the restaurant where they ordered, I ordered only a few times.

This evening, ordering in was a treat I enjoyed.

Waiting a lot – during the holidays

The holidays have lasted almost a week, and I'm extremely tired of them. It seems like I've been waiting for everything since last Saturday when the Wi-Fi wouldn't connect.

That meant I had to scramble to figure out what I could do on my laptop (with my free time) and no Wi-Fi. I know that shouldn't seem like much of a hardship. But, using the laptop and desktop are two of the things I do on my own without assistance, unless they don't work, stop working, or need restarted.. That's about as close to freedom as I get.

It's the only time I don't have to think every second about how I'll communicate with the nurses down front. I wouldn't have to depend on the call light for assistance. I could Skype phone them. But instead, I follow established pattern and use the call light, and wait – just like I do all day, and at night. But, when I'm on my desktop or laptop I have something to do while waiting.

It's been kind of weird because ever since I got Wi-Fi back, I can't get back in my groove. Maybe I'm just tired from the sore throat I've had since a week before Christmas. I just don't seem to have any joy in doing anything. That's why I hate winter so much. It doesn't motivate me much. It only does when I'm out, in the cold, invigorated, and can't wait to get back indoors.

I know it does something to my soul when I have to WAIT all the time. I know when I put the call light on and I want something specific. If an aide doesn't get here soon enough, I forget what I wanted specifically. I can always get a drink when an aide comes in, since they're seldom in here every hour.

Then, it makes we feel that because I'm an older person, disabled and need help, that I don't really have any needs. And I know that's not true.

I could at least stand some companionship, or socialization. Activities here doesn't seem to do any one on ones with me. I guess since I can direct my own activities, maybe they think they don't need to.

I found out this afternoon that the facility is full on these two front halls. The dementia unit has three empty beds. As I've wrote to a friend of mine in an email, people are Dying to Get Out Of Here.

Once I get my evening writing duties finished, then I enter into my joy time. Sometimes there's no joy time if I have banking, taxes, business,, blog writing, or online shopping to do.

Shopping's is one more thing I have to do online and be able to get mostly everything. The bite is I used to enjoy going out monthly with a family member or friend, on an outing just to shop for a few things. Somehow doing it online – all the time – and enduring the higher prices – is not a reward. Instead, it adds pressure to my shopping which used to be fun.

Well, my call light's been on for almost thirty minutes. So I'm back to waiting mode.

On December 24: I was dreaming of a Wi-Fi Christmas

Well, you guessed it there is no Wi-Fi tonight either. I was told the administrative was here here last night, but apparently there must've been nothing he could do to fix the guest Wi-Fi.

The big thing about it is every time I tried to connect my antivirus pops up with the warning that the Guests Wi-Fi is not a secure network.

The last time it was down was December 4. I asked the administrator to try it that afternoon when he said it was on. I was not on my desktop and he agreed to turn it on and connect. I could tell by the way he did it that he's never used it on a PC, I do know he doesn't use it for cell phone. He was a bit surprised that a pop up says public, unsecured network. The administrator said that's not true. He says it is secure. But I told him that the antivirus is identifying it as a public network.

At my previous facility the public network had a password. I wonder if they could change the public network to one that uses a password. That might make it easier to logon..

It's very frustrating to have the Wi-Fi down so often. At my first facility, the Wi-Fi was out probably once a month, maybe twice.

I hope they can figure out what's causing the Guest Wi-Fi here to keep shutting us down.

I also wish they could figure out why keeps happening on weekends. It really bites that it happened on Christmas weekend 2017.

Two days before Christmas, Wi-Fi down

Well, it's been a rather disappointing December 23, 2017. There aren't enough Hoyer pads to go around. So, I didn't even ask if I could get up today. I guess it was enough that I got a shower yesterday, but then had to go back to bed to get off the wet Hoyer pad.

I just rested because it wasn't feeling that great anyway. I was a bit nauseated and I know the flu is going around.

This afternoon I wanted to get on my laptop to see what's going on in the world. Last night I was too busy to spend much time gawking at interesting things on the Internet.

But, when I got on my laptop, I began logging on to the Guest Wi-Fi here and almost made it, before it shut down. I kept trying but it kept telling me that there is no Wi-Fi available. It said my laptop wasn't communicating with the server. That usually means that the Wi-Fi box needs to be rebooted. I wish I knew how to do that, and if I could reach it, I'd fix it.

It is been so aggravating since I've been here because the Wi-Fi is out at least once or twice a month. It is usually near the beginning, and the end of the month. I always wonder if the Guest Wi-Fi is allotted a metered number of uses per month, and when those are up, the router has to be re-upped, or something.

Every time I chat with the administrator about the Guest Wi-Fi, he says it's very good. To me, if it's very good, it wouldn't need to be rebooted all the time. The next time I talk to him, I'll ask if it needs to be rebooted on some type of schedule, to try to avoid these mostly weekend Guest Wi-Fi shutdowns.

This is a particularly unfortunate weekend for it to happen because it's right before Christmas. I wasn't going to do anything but read the news or watch YouTube videos. But, since I can't do that I'm a little down.

I promised myself that I would download some books to my laptop which were a bit more exciting then the ones I have. But, when the Wi-Fi came back on December 3, I suddenly forgot to download meatier reading material.

Of course, I can write, which I do every day. But, I really need to make sure I have other things to entertain myself on my laptop.

I would really prefer not to have to rely on TV for entertainment. The Internet offers much more variety for me than television does.

Still waiting for the lift to be fixed

I can't believe it's been since 12/6 and there's still no workable Hoyer that uses the same type of lift pads as the broken one. Despite that, they're getting these heavier residents who can't move very well, up and into their chairs for at least a few hours a day. I really don't know how they're doing it. I'm sure their families would be really aggravated if their resident couldn't get up. I know some family members are probably calling in to see if there resident is getting up.

I got my shower this morning using the only lift pad available to me. Since it has a hole for toileting or showering, once it's wet, I have to be hoyered back into bed to get it out from under me.. Then if there is no dry one, the wet one has to be washed and dried before I can use it.

Since housekeeping and laundry service are contracted out, the aides and nurses can't wash and dry those Hoyer pads after 5 PM, or during the night, so they're available when needed. If I were the administrator running this facility I couldn't work under those conditions. To me, there should be away to get those pads washed, even if they had to take them to a laundromat. Those Hoyer pads need to be available, especially for daytime.

Since I was being put back into bed, I said there was no real reason to dress me. This corner where my bed is is hot anyway, and lying in bed with extra clothing on, hoping to get up, would make me even more uncomfortable. I had them put me in a gown, which is what I wear in bed, sick or well.

I asked if it was okay for me to take that dental appointment next Friday. I so don't want to have to cancel it because there's new Hoyer pad to transfer me to my power chair so that I can go.

I personally don't think residents should continue to use those Hoyer lift pads with the toileting holes, after they've been toileted. That pad can easily get soiled, and I think it should be washed at least at the end of the day, if not more often..

I've asked about buying my own U-shaped Hoyer pad which can be pulled out from behind me before I'm toileted, or showered. One aide said I can't do that because it's against facility policy. However, before the lift broke, I was using a pad which was U-shaped and could be pulled out. And I think they had more than one for the broken lift.

I've heard they're ordering new Hoyer pads. I certainly hope they'll get here soon. It would be nice if a couple were U-shaped and removable.

It's been sixteen days since I've been lifted with that U-shaped Hoyer pad, and I've had to spend way too much time in bed since then.

Dental appointment scheduled

Hooray! I'll actually be able to get my teeth cleaned after waiting sixteen months. I'm surprised that this facility doesn't have enough aides to allow one extra to accompany me to the dentist. I need two aides to assist me to transfer, now that I'm using a Hoyer. Though my second facility sent two aides to the dentist with me for four years, this one can't do that.

I brought this up to my sister when she visited less than a week ago. I asked if she'd be willing to pay two aides to take me to the dentist – as a Christmas gift. She said she would because she usually has no idea what to get me for Christmas.

The other day I put an ad on a Facebook community website. I wrote what I needed and when. I had a lot of people answer me. Initially I wondered if any of them would be able to do it. I realize that many said they could do it without paying attention to all the facts about my dentist outing.

The day before yesterday I contacted a couple of aides who were interested. They told me to just get an appointment and send it to them. They said they would make it happen.

I did that earlier and they've already messaged me through Facebook to say that they can do it.

I set up a late morning appointment at the end of next week.

That'll give me something to plan, and look forward to after Christmas.

I'm hoping this will work out.

I want to have shiny, clean teeth again, hopefully without cavities.

Maybe a dentist visit coming

Yesterday I went on Facebook, placed an ad wanting to hire two aides to transport me to the dentist, transfer me to the dental chair, and return me back to the nursing home.

I was surprised that I got more than twenty responses. Many people were quite interested, probably just to make the money. But there were two people who offered to take me without being paid.

But there were many others who offered to do it without really reading my ad. It surprised me that anyone would offer to do something without asking what was involved.

Since, I could find no other way to get to the dentist, I asked my sister if she'd be willing to pay a couple of aides to transport me to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned, as a Christmas gift. She jumped on it because she never knows what to get me. We talked about the hourly rate to offer, and about how many hours it might take. She already knew I needed two aides to go with me. My second facility sent two aides with me to the dentist for years. But this facility doesn't have enough extra aides to spare one.

But trying to find qualified people to help me was frustrating. I guess I should've offered to pay for a facility aide to go along with the activity aide who transports in the facility bus here. But, I didn't know if this facility would agree to that.

Last night after posting the ad, I answered messages for quite a while. I contacted everybody who answered my posting.

I thought some were being premature when they offered to take me. After all, it's a few days before Christmas, and not long before New Year's. I'm surprised they didn't want more information upfront. But I realize the money was enticing and they wanted to make it quickly.

When I checked the computer this morning, there were more replies. I answered two new emails saying I'd contact them when the dentist's appointment was set up.

Today, on Facebook. Another woman (also an aide ) told me she and her friend could take me to the dentist whenever I wanted. She said they work night shift but they could do it anytime during the day.

I also was contacted by two aide friends from my previous nursing home. But they've not said they could take me. They know if I want to go somewhere, I won't want to wait to get it done..

I'm optimistic that I'll be able to find two aides to take me.

Teeth not cleaned yet

I was never told that the dentist was coming today. He was at this facility, right after I came in late August. But, because I was supposed to go out to the dentist I've been seeing for over seven years, outside the facility, I hadn't planned on seeing the facility traveling dentist.

I only had a nursing home dentist work on me once. I can't remember if he cleaned my teeth. I do remember that he examined them and said five to eight cavities needed to be filled. When I went to see my own dentist a little while later for a second opinion, he said none of those teeth needed to be filled immediately. He'd been watching some of them for years.

I was told in October that this facility can't provide two aides to go to the dentist's office so I can transfer into the chair. Although two aides took me at my second facility, this one cannot spare the staff.

So I've waited over two months to see this facility's dentist. My teeth have not been cleaned since August 2016.

Today I was in bed not feeling well after not feeling well yesterday. Last night it was too warm in here kept me from sleeping.

Right around lunchtime a woman walked in and asked if I'd see the dentist. I told her I would. The dentist came in all gowned up, and asked if he could check my teeth. He did very briefly, said my teeth looked good, and he left. Before he went out the door, I asked if I could get my teeth cleaned and he said I couldn't.

Later, when my nurse came in and I asked her about getting my teeth cleaned. She said they could be cleaned if I got up in my power chair, so the dentist could clean them. I told the nurse I was afraid it would hurt my neck if I got my teeth cleaned sitting in my upright power chair. Since I have a neck injury, I don't really want want to get my teeth cleaned while there is a strain on my neck.

I'm in the dentist Catch-22 again. I'm going to try to see if I can hire a couple of aides who can take me to the dentist and transfer me into the chair to get my teeth cleaned and checked.

I wonder how successful I'll be hiring two aides to take me to to the dentist.

Another opportunity to go out dashed

Today was my last opportunity to get to go out before Christmas. RA came to take me out. But, we knew if the weather was bad we could always eat in and visit.

I was pleased I was up and in the shower right after 6 AM. Then I heard they were one aide short on dayshift. I had no extra Hoyer pad for the older Hoyer they're using on me since the newer one is broken. I should've asked yesterday it a second lift pad would be available. If I had, we'd have known that going out wasn't likely. But I just went with the flow. They also had a resident who needed showered and to go out for an appointment. He may've have been the reason there was only one lift pad.

Nevertheless, I could've been ready in plenty of time. If RA had called, maybe they would've gotten me together. But, we did neither of those.

Instead, we left it to fate, or chance, and thought it would be worked out.

I ended up being ready, lying on my poopy bedpan, having waited almost an hour to get off.

In the meantime, my teeth could've been brushed, my hair combed and sprayed, and my face creamed.

I was embarrassed when RA came, found me on the bedpan, and learned we couldn't go out.

It's hard to know what to tell friends to do. It is better for me to have family and friends visit. But it did make me upset when our December plans, made in November, got dashed.

Earlier, I started thinking about it, and the tears started rolling. Sometimes there's no little thing that can be done to fix a big thing.

I've learned that well three times in the last week.

The Sunday from hell

I wondered what the heck happened today. I know the nurse was late giving me my suppositories so that makes my beginning of the day already late.

My aide, I'll call Helen, came in just the same as always. I was on and off the bedpan before she went to feed resident breakfast in the dining room.

Helen returned after breakfast but she didn't bring mine. I ended up not being able to eat until almost 10 AM. The day shift nurse was the director of nursing and she was slow so my meds got to me later. The whole morning got backed up.

Every time Helen came in I asked if she could start washing me up, brush my teeth, or do some part of my a.m. care. She kept telling me she wanted to wait. I wondered, wait on what.

Then, when I asked to get washed up around 11 AM, I wondered whether the reason would be, too busy, resident lunchtime, or some other reason. Because I get these answers here, but Helen doesn't usually give them.

Helen said at 11 AM they were getting a new admit. She said there's so much paperwork, and so much to do. And I know there is. But there's still me here, who needs care too.

Several minutes after twelve noon, the admissions coordinator (AC) came in with my tray. She asked if I wanted lunch and I said I did.

I was feeling kind of aggravated and didn't talk much at first. But then, AC got me going talking. I told her something needed to be done about staffing and how slowly some aides worked.

I didn't complain a lot, after all she was feeding me. However, someone probably realized if AC didn't feed me I wouldn't get fed until later.

I just feel badly for Helen because I wasn't nasty, but just questioned her. Helen didn't say what was going on. If she was still not to clean me up for the Dave. But I think if someone did tell her that, that person should have told me. Helen probably feels horrible because she knows I like to be clean.

This facility's is so strange. They seem to just decide I don't need care, and then I don't get it.

Maybe they think if they don't actually say they won't give me the care I'm requesting. Maybe the fact that I had to wait for it, doesn't matter.

Too much time in bed causes sore tailbone

I knew if I had to spend time in bed because the Hoyer lift was broken, I might have a problem. I was worried that being in bed, lying on my back, could cause skin breakdown.

At first, I was watching the skin on my bottom pretty closely. I was also paying attention to whether or not I had any pain near my tailbone or on my hips. Every day, I asked the aides to check the skin on my bottom for redness.

I've also had to miss some of my showers since that lift broke. Missing showers is not good. That means I don't get warm running water and washing to stimulate my circulation which is good for my skin. Just washing up in bed quickly is not enough.

Last weekend I had some tailbone soreness. I asked my aide to check it and she said it was fine. But, I should have suggested that a nurse take a look.

Today, after my aide washed me up, she told me I had a sore spot on the right side of my tailbone. That is the side which is more profoundly paralyzed. I must've either not noticed it, or because I cannot move, ignored it.

Now, it's sore and uncomfortable. The nurse said I need to be turned during the day to make sure I do not have pressure on the same spots near my tailbone, and on my bottom..

Before supper, after sitting here at the laptop in bed for a few hours, I had to have an aide tilt my hips to the right to get me off the sore spot.

Since then, it hasn't been too bad. But, it still hurts.

I have to make sure when I go to sleep that I am pretty much rolled onto my left side. That way there will be no pressure on that sore spot.

Regular turning and positioning are the only things that will help my skin stay healthy and clear.

An inside family holiday visit

It would have to be 26° and snowing when my sister and her husband visited today. That almost assured that they would not want to go out.

Though it was our Christmas visit, and the first time I've seen my brother-in-law in person since Thanksgiving 2014, I was still hoping we could do the usual thing and go out.

But since each of us are older, we no longer push ourselves as much.

Early on I suggested ordering in. I recently stopped a medication and withdrawal symptoms have been wearing me down. I wanted us to be able to visit, be comfortable, and not worry about going out.

So, my sister ordered Chinese in. We ate it and did our Christmas gift exchange in the dining room here. It's nice when family members, who are also friends, can drop right back into chatting about world events, entertainment, and sports, without concern about hurting each other's feelings.

It seemed like we showed a light to the facility workers, and even the other residents, around us. It may have been our easy manner, or the respectful way we treat each other.

I think it always helps for facility management and staff to see how a family gets along together. That shows them something about each member of the family group. It also shows how the family acts with the resident in their midst.

Song and dance and Christmas splash after breakfast

This morning I felt like a rube. It's the first time in a while that I've seen anybody perform in a nursing home. I'm not talking about a church or school choir singing, I'm talking about teenage singers and dancers performing at a nursing home right after breakfast. This is something new that I've not seen before.

At a previous facility singing was done in the evening usually by church groups and school groups. Sometimes, I'm sure, just plain old volunteers came in and sang for us.

This morning the high school performers arrived during breakfast. The girls in gold and white dresses and the boys in black shirts and pants.

I thought they would sing the regular Christmas songs that we all know. I was surprised that they sing pop songs, even one from Taylor Swift, and then holiday favorites..

I found out this afternoon the mother of the school's music teacher's is a resident here on the memory unit.

The music teacher's mom was certainly proud as her daughter weaved in and around her students encouraging their performance.

Most residents were put in the living room upfront so they could watch and listen. But one man stopped walking with therapy, to watch the show.

I'm sure most of those high schoolers knew they were doing a good deed today.

But, I'm not sure that most understood that live entertainment is something few nursing home residents see regularly.

Thanks kids! We enjoyed it.

Different, softer earplugs

A little over a month ago I developed a blister in my left ear from wearing smooth plastic earplugs. One of the aides here had recommended them to me, and I ordered some. They were larger, and stiffer, but they also didn't allow much noise to get to my eardrum.

Unfortunately, some aides pushed the earplugs in my ears differently. They pushed them up against the cartilage on the inside of my ear. That's how a blister came out of the blue.

I switched back to using memory foam earplugs, in my left ear, which I've used for years, but, the blister's not gone. But, it healed and the scab fell off. But one small spot stays sore.

I thought about getting a noise canceling headset. But I couldn't find any that cost less than $100. I knew the $100 headset would probably work,, but I didn't want to pay that much. Staff here told me the inexpensive noise canceling headsets for shooting can be bought for $10 at Walmart. But I couldn't find them online.

I thought if I could trade off and use the noise canceling headset, to give my ears a rest from the earplugs, the blister might heal. But since I could not go look find an inexpensive noise canceling headset. I kind of gave up on that idea.

A few days ago I found an article about the ten best earplugs for sleeping. In it, I saw the pair of earplugs I had one time considered buying, were on that top ten list.

I checked to see they were available on eBay in a small quantity. When I found them, I ordered them.

My aide put them in my ears last night. I was amazed how well they blocked sound. I was able to sleep all night without anything waking me.

Today, my nurse checked my left ear blister, and said it looks much better and drier.

I'm hoping these earplugs will keep doing a good job, and that my ear blister will continue to heal.

No eleventh year Christmas outing

I've wanted my friend Mike to visit ever since November. But he got sick visiting his daughter in Texas in early November, and ended up with a severe nasal infection. I sort of left him alone to recuperate.

We made plans to get together this week, and enough before Christmas, that the stores wouldn't be that crowded. But, then the Hoyer lift here broke last Tuesday, and I wondered how long it would take to fix it.

Last night I told my aide to tell the nurse that I'd like to get a shower this morning so I could go out with my friend for a holiday visit. Then, I wondered if my aide shared that message with anyone.

This morning way before breakfast, things were moving rather slowly. But, I thought maybe they'd already worked things out so there would be two Hoyer pads so I could get a shower, and get to go out.

Unfortunately, it ended up not being in the cards. There was only one Hoyer pad, the other was from the broken one. Therefore, I couldn't get a shower. Instead, I was washed up in bed and my hair was cleaned with rinseless.shampoo.

I asked to be put in the bathroom, and was. Unfortunately, I ended up being in there for over an hour. The aides were all at breakfast and there was no one to help me get out after the bathroom and be able to be fed breakfast in my room.

By the time I got out of that bathroom, I was sore and exhausted. There was a discussion going on with the administrator in the hallway. He was trying to clarify why I was upset. I said I had had to sit on the shower chair for way too on, and I didn't get my breakfast.

Luckily, my friend arrived, started my van to charge the battery, helped me straighten my room, and ate a pizza lunch with me. I surely wished I'd been able to go out and get away from the facility for a little while.

I hope the Hoyer is fixed soon so I can go back to my routine prior to last Tuesday when the big blue Hoyer broke.

M turned 32 today

It seems only a little while ago that she weighed at birth 6 pounds 15 1/2 ounces and I saw her in the nursery because her mom was so ill after her birth.

But her mom got well and December 10 was always M's.

I took M shopping after she turned three, and I watched her carefully, as did my caregiver, to keep her safe. She loved shopping and going to a fast food place in the mall and doling out ketchup so we would have it for our French fries. She was always a little helper child. I guess maybe because she's the only child, she wanted to belong with everyone.

I kind of enjoyed it when fellow shoppers at the mall commented about how cute my little girl was. M wasn't mine but she was cute, and I took full advantage and gleamed with pride when anyone assumed she was mine.

M came to my condo and went with me when I visited my caregiver's family farm. M liked to play with my caregiver's son who was three years older. The even rode his bicycle in the house. They jumped on his crazy waterbed and those two "only child kids" enjoyed being together.

M is far away on birthdays now. I saw her near her birthday in 2016, because she visited me eight days later. I have to admit I burst into tears when I saw her. Even though I had the feeling she might surprise me, or her mother would, I wasn't quite prepared.

It's hard for me being far away from the niece I watched grow up – from a distance. I hope she remembers those days, as I do, sharing fun and time together.

This year I didn't get to make her a birthday card which I've done for years. At this new nursing home my routine has been different since the Hoyer lift ProQuest week. I haven't been able to get on my desktop. The software for card making is on it.

Even though I couldn't make her card this year. I still sent greetings by email, along with a gift.

How long to fix a lift

The big blue Hoyer went down on Tuesday afternoon. I haven't heard that it's been repaired yet.

So they're using the dementia unit's Hoyer to lift ALL THE RESIDENTS here. But the difficulty is they do not have many Hoyer pads for that one. The blue one is used much more and therefore has more pads. Unfortunately, the lifts are from different manufacturers and that means the pads are not interchangeable.

I've been in bed since Tuesday afternoon when it broke. I've been told that if I want to get up. I cannot use the toilet. For toileting I can be Hoyered into bed to use the bedpan. Even though toileting that we would be a necessity for now, I don't have to say I like it. To me, there should be a way to lift residents when the lift, or lifts are down.

I remember when the lift broke at my second facility. They had fewer lift residents, but they were still required to lift them to do their care.

I remember the aides were tired from lifting residents on those days. One young man who needed the lift weighed over 200 pounds. He was also very strong on his one side and he could've given the aides a rough time, if he chose to. Although, I saw him have to spend days on end in bed when his manual, tilt wheel chair was out of order.

Lifts do a good job and save the aides' backs. However, when they are nonoperational, many of us lose the independence lifts provide us.

I would think they could get parts from that lift from almost anywhere in two days.

I'm so hoping that they get the parts and get the big blue Hoyer back together soon.

Dealing with writer's block

I seldom suffer from writers block. But for the last week or so, I've definitely had it.

Sometimes it's hard to write when you schedule time to do it. Many times I get inspired, or find an idea right before lunch. Then I madly write it down so I won't forget it. I know it probably confounds the facility aides because I always want to protect the ideas I'm writing about. So I always ask their patience to allow me to save my random thoughts.

Lately my writing schedule has been all messed up. In order to do all my things, and succeed, at writing, I have to know I have enough time to write.

But I also know that my brain will work very hard to keep me from writing. When my brain wants to have fun, I have to let it, and still find the balance to write.

Not being able to be at my desktop computer does not allow me to be disciplined. So I'm struggling to write on my laptop. I bought the laptop to write a book and to entertain myself without watching TV. So, I see the laptop as a fun thing, not a get something done thing.

Nevertheless, last night I made myself write first drafts of three different articles that appeared in my head. They are not for this blog, but they are important and I need to finish them.

It isn't at all easy writing about what's going on in my life. Sometimes they aren't happy events. When my life involves conflict between myself and my caregivers, I am doubly concerned about giving it the correct twist.

But, over the years I've learned I find solace and peace when I write.

When writing involves me, it spins me into a spell and I lose touch with what in my life is not working the way I want. Instead I'm off on a journey to work my thoughts into understandable prose.

During that process nothing can bother me, or make me feel less than what I am, a writer.

A milestone passed

A milestone passed recently and most never knew. I was disabled fifty years on December 2, 2017.

On that morning I wasn't feeling well and had been on tranquilizers for a couple of weeks. I had an appointment with the family doctor to try to get off of them. The tranquilizers caused a dizzy spell at work and I almost fell.

That morning, I was washing up before my appointment. When I finished, I picked up the dirty clothes from the floor and put them in the hamper. When I stood back up, I got dizzy and fell. My right shoulder hit the bathtub, but I was okay. I stood back up. But, I got dizzy and fell again backwards. My head hit something before I hit the floor.

I lost consciousness and had an out of body experience. A white light was in front of me and someone asked if I wanted to come with them. But, I kept looking at the floor where I was lying. The voice said to either come, or go back. When I didn't answer, the voice asked again whether I wanted to come, or go back. I finally said, "Go back", and instantly I was back on the floor and again conscious.

I couldn't feel anything or move any part of my body. My speech was slurred and it sounded like my mouth was stuffed with cotton. It sounded like I'd had a stroke.

My father and sister assisted me to my feet and lifted, and dragged me to my bed. I still couldn't move or feel anything. I was taken by ambulance to the local ER and then to a hospital in the nearest larger city.

In the ER x-rays were taken, and my head was sutured. Then, I was put in ICU for seventy-two hours. I laid there wondering what happened, and how bad I might be hurt. ICU was lonely and I could only see my parents fifteen minutes every four hours.

I spent ten more days in the hospital, a week of which was spent in bed. Because of the head injury, I was not allowed to get up. Tests were done and I rested in bed..

When they finally got me up, I could step and walk with my left leg. I did my best to pull my right leg along as I went. I made trips up and down the hall whenever my parents helped me.

My father scheduled a day to come to the hospital and talk to the neurosurgeon. Though my dad waited all day, and neurosurgeon never showed. The neurosurgeon, felt I had brain swelling that was causing my paralysis and speech problems. He thought the swelling went down, I would improve. Though I wanted to believe that, I couldn't.

I went home to a house with stairs, and no wheelchair. I had no therapy and neither my parents or I knew how we would handle the new me.

I started walking holding onto furniture. Six weeks later the neurosurgeon admitted he was wrong about my diagnosis. He decided I'd suffered a spinal cord injury and sent me to an orthopedic surgeon. I went through a right leg brace, a right hand splint, physical therapy, occupational therapy, walking, and twice a day physical therapy done by my parents.

Somehow I made it up the stairs and down for the next five years. Then, we moved to a one floor house. I walked better, but never well, and never fast.

For fifteen years I walked unsteadily and slowly.. I stopped because trying to walk caused me to fall,, hit my head, and have too many concussions. I decided I wanted to keep the mental faculties I still had.

I used a wheelchair and stood to do things in between. Walking was minimal and pretty much confined to home, or walking with a family member, friend, or caregiver.

I've spent the last twenty-one years plus in three different nursing homes. A month ago this third nursing home told me I could no longer stand to transfer with assistance. Since then, a Hoyer is used to transfer me.

Even though the fifty years were challenging, I've learned a lot about myself and the people around me.

Waiting for mostly everything, all day

Every morning I have to steel myself to get through either a shower, or a washup without fritzing out. No two aides here do my a.m. washup the same.

This morning I was allowed to get up using the Hoyer. I was washed up quickly, dressed, and went to the dining room for breakfast.

After breakfast I rode around killing time until the aides had time to help me get Hoyered to the shower chair to use the toilet again.

Afterwards I was sent on my way until my aide had time to finish my a.m. care, which might've taken ten minutes.

I wasn't feeling very well. I stopped Zoloft (antidepressant), on Sunday, and I'm sure I'm experiencing some withdrawal symptoms.

I became very hot and nauseated. Then, after my teeth were brushed and my a.m. care was completed, I got more nauseated.

When I asked my aide if I could lie down, she said it was lunch time, and there was no time.

I took a Tylenol and some antacid and hoped I would feel better. I managed to eat some lunch.

Afterwards I was promised that I would get to lie down. But it didn't happen. My aide said she had to get all her work done first. Before that, she said, I'd have to wait until ALL THE OTHER residents were laid down.

I felt as if I was rolling around in the middle of a nightmare, where no one could see me, or could understand what I wanted.

By the end of day shift at 2 PM, I was quite frustrated and still not feeling well.

I looked for the Hoyer lift and didn't see it. When I asked to lie down, I was told the Hoyer was being checked out by the maintenance man. When I asked how long that'd take, I didn't get an answer.

Not long after, I heard the larger Hoyer was out of service until parts came in. It was last down the beginning of November.

I asked the director of nursing if I could be assisted to stand to transfer into bed. She didn't really answer me. But a tear fell from her eye when I made the request.

Frustrated and upset, I yelled for help. I said I desperately needed to go to the bathroom, since I hadn't gone in four hours.

I was upset and crying in my room when two aides came in and stood me and transferred me to my shower chair and to the bathroom. After that, two aides helped me stand and transferred me bro into bed.

I'm in bed and worse for wear today. I'm wondering how the facility will get along with just one lift for the next few days.

Sunday without Wi-Fi

Today, Sunday, there was no Yes Wi-Fi – again. So, I didn't get to read the Sunday online New York Times, which I enjoy doing most Sundays.

Even though I told my nurse and two aides yesterday.that I could not connect to the Guest Wi-Fi, they said no other residents were having difficulties. I knew that would be essential to getting it fixed. I mentioned it to a nurse and she said she would attempt to reboot, or reset, the Guest Wi-Fi. I told her it was behind the director of nursing's door, which could be accessed only with a key.

Since I am the farthest one away from the Guest Wi-Fi router, I wondered if other residents were affected. I had similar problems with my second facility's Wi-Fi. However, they had two secure connections, one better than the other, that I could connect to.

After lunch I asked my nurse if she knew whether the Guest Wi-Fi was working. One of the aides told me none of the residents had complained that it wasn't working.

With the Guest Wi-Fi router behind a locked door, that only if you can access, then no other employee has a chance to try to get it going again.

As the afternoon progressed, an aide said the maintenance man was called about the Guest Wi-Fi.

I didn't even try to connect when I got on my laptop Sunday afternoon. I had enough other things to do without Wi-Fi.

Nevertheless, I'll be curious to see if that router works on Monday.

Saturday without Wi-Fi

I just wonder what happens when I can't connect my PCs to the facility's Guest Wi-Fi. First I thought the Wi-Fi router needed to be reset. However, a few times either my desktop or laptop wouldn't connect, and I was told the Guest  Wi-Fi was working for other residents. Some employees were also able to connect to the Guest Wi-Fi using their cell phones..

The guest Wi-Fi seems to go down once or twice a month. I don't think it's weather related, because it doesn't happen on severe weather days. But something causes the Guest Wi-Fi to need to be rebooted, or reset so often. I'm wondering if they shouldn't just automatically reboot it, on a regular basis.I thought the Guest Wi-Fi router was randomly disconnecting my PCs, but now I don't know..

One day, a few weeks after I moved here, I couldn't connect to the Guest Wi-Fi. The next morning I asked the administrator if the Guest Wi-Fi was working. He asked why. I told him I couldn't connect to it the previous day, and evening. At first, he said my room was far away from the Wi-Fi router, and the signal might be weaker. Then, he tried connecting to the Wi-Fi using his cell phone, and couldn't. He said the the Guest Wi-Fi router needed to be rebooted, or reset. Not long after, I connected to the Guest Wi-Fi.

Without the Internet I have no excuse not to organize my files, delete them,, and organize and consolidate the My Documents file.

But, of course, is not as much fun as checking out news sites and other spots, like I usually do, on the Internet.

So, if it isn't working tonight when I'm finished writing, I can't go to news sites and read. I can't even check to see what the latest scandal in digital print is.

But I can read the PDFs that're on my laptop. However, if the Guest Wi-Fi continues to act up, I'll need to download more book PDFs on my laptop.

I like to play Free Cell. But the game I have on my laptop isn't as good as the Microsoft Solitaire games on my desktop.

Without Wi-Fi it was a long weekend.

Things I ordered still sitting out

Since I moved here, I went with an activity group shopping once. That was at the end of the first week of September. I was able to go to Walmart with a few folks at the activity department here. I only picked up a few things because I wanted to help the other ladies find what they needed. They're not able to order online like I can. I also have more opportunities to go out and some of them.

But since that, I have been ordering online and having them shipped here. In October my sister put my order away. I ordered later in November and it was delivered a few days ago. So far, it's not been put away.

I'm trying not to order very much. I decided to order once a month to see if I'd get by. I don't want to have too many extras here. But, I sometimes forget things I really need. Then I'm a bit exasperated with myself.

I'm trying to eat up the food items that are in the cabinet that might've moved with me. Some of the double cereal bars I haven't taken the time to eat. Some nights there so late feeding you snack, I don't have time to eat very much.

The day the shipment came,  the aides asked me if I wanted it put away. I hesitated and that was a mistake. Now I have asked activities, the student nurses who were here for the past two days, and the floor aides that I need my order put away.

It isn't that much. So, hopefully they will get to it sometime.

It's always a problem to get someone to help me put my things away. Maybe I should ask another resident if she could help me. But I don't want to ask a resident who has a disability that hampers their movement. Many of them could take the items out of the box. But, I don't know if they could put them in the cabinet.

I also realize I need to frontload things. When I know I'm ordering, I should tell someone, and then remind them again when the order's delivered.

So, I guess I'll just have to keep asking.

To order out, or not

Last night an activity assistant I'll call Julia came to my room and asked if I wanted to order in from a nearby Mexican restaurant. I asked if they were ordering for the noon meal, or supper. Nevertheless, I still wondered if they'd do it at an odd hour. I Residents are usually in the dining room from 11:30 a.m. to around 12:15 p.m., and it would have to be scheduled after that.

Since Julia/activities assistant didn't seem to know what time they were ordering in, I asked Julia if she'd get back with me the next day.

This morning I was busy because I had a student nurse. She and another student helped with my washup, getting me dressed, combing my hair, and brushing my teeth etc. They didn't finish me until almost 10 AM.

I went down the hallway to see what was going on in the facility. It was a wintry looking, chilly, rainy day. The Christmas tree was up, all 10 feet of it, and there was only a little bit of decorating left to do.

As I checked out the lunch menu posted on the bulletin board, I heard Julia/activities assistant asking a male resident what he wanted to order from the Mexican restaurant. As he gave her his order, I suddenly wondered why Julia never got back to me. That made me feel kind of weird. Even though I thought it was better not to order out, I might've considered it had she asked again. The only thing I'm afraid of is getting cold food. Usually, when the nursing home orders in, and picks it up, the food is cold.

I went on my way and never looked back. It wasn't enough of a slight to make me really upset.

Before lunch I heard they ordered food to be ready at 2 PM. Most of the residents who ordered in, ate no lunch.

Sometime after 3 PM the aroma of Mexican food wafted through the building.

This "clean freak" resident

I'm always been a clean freak. At the age of five, on the night before my first day of elementary school, I was able to do my own bath and not have to have my mom or dad check if I was clean.

When I moved to a nursing home over twenty-one years ago (at 47) I wondered how clean the facility would allow me to be. It's really hard to depend on a nursing home aide to do my showers and wash ups. They also had to get rid of my "older lady chin hairs" with my epilator, shave my legs, and maybe even trim my eyebrows.

I hated the idea of having strangers doing my showers and wash ups. When I was told I would get two showers a week, I wondered how I'd survive. It's not as though I've never gone without showering. For five years, in the 70s, when my mom was ill with advanced breast cancer, I went without showering. Back then, I stood at the sink and washed everywhere except my left arm, back, and my legs below the knees. A caregiver did the rest.

When I moved to a nursing home I had to abide by their policies, because I needed their aides to assist me to be clean. The aides washed me and one particular nurse showered me for a period of time. But, she was the only one who ever did that.

Some aides didn't do my washup as thoroughly as I wanted. The aides who reminded me that being clean helps to prevent skin infections and breakdowns, always washed me thoroughly. But a few aides shortcut my washup. On those days I felt sticky and grungy, and that discomfort stayed with me the rest of the day.

After several two showers a week, weeks and in between wash ups, I got reddened, itchy areas on my skin. I was moved to an everyday shower, and those areas cleared up.

Getting a shower relaxed my muscles, and made me ache less. Showers also relieved my anxiety. Now I realize that bathing was something I did to calm myself.

There have always been some aides who said I was the cleanest resident. A few said I was cleaner than they were. But I also had other aides who identified with my cleanliness, and who said they would feel awful if they could not be cleaned up the way they wanted.

Thank heavens for the shower aides who did thorough showers. I'm sure some thought an enjoyable shower allowed residents to have a better day.

Wrote nursing home check from the wrong account

A year ago I had to open a Qualified Income Trust (QIT) in order to be eligible for Medicaid. Since I'm on of the nursing home residents who receives higher Security Disability Income (SSDI). Therefore, my SSDI which I must pay to the nursing home, except for $40, must be deposited into the QIT. All Medicaid allowable expenses are paid through the QIT.

Since I earn a modest income as a freelance blog writer, part of that amount, I pay to the nursing home. I also pay my self-employment taxes, and set aside my monthly auto insurance premium fee, are deposited into the QIT.

I have two checking accounts at one bank. One is for my personal his. The other is the QIT to pay the nursing home and other allowed bills by Medicaid.

Ever since the QIT was opened, I was afraid I would accidentally write a check out of the wrong account. I called the bank to see if they could do anything to distinguish each account, to prevent me from making that mistake..They said there was no way they could distinguish them more..

Since I moved to this facility, my SSDI is directly deposited into a different bank. Since I moved here my freelance checks for blogging are now deposited into the same bank as my SSDI. This is an older account, and not the bank where I have the QIT.

After moving to this facility, there have been lots of changes: the facility name change, and continuing to make payments on a small, outstanding bill from my former facility. It's been fun keeping it straight..

But, since I don't get on my desktop every day here, I forget to check my checking and credit card balances frequently. It used to be de riguer before at my previous facility. But I have not established a flow here yet and badly need to get one. Not checking my accounts often, is not good.

Tonight I was on my laptop and went to the QIT bank to check its balance, and the balance of my of my personal checking account there.

When I did, my personal checking account had a negative balance of over $800. I knew what I had done. I accidentally wrote the check (for my SSDI) to the nursing home from my personal account, instead of from the QIT.

I called the bank and told them about the overdraft, which was caused by my error. I asked if I could transfer the funds from the QIT to my personal account, because the check had already been cashed. They advised me that would work.

I was almost shaking as I went through the process of transferring funds from one checking account to the other. I don't think I've ever made a mistake like that before. And I hope I'll not make it soon again.

A before Christmas gift

This'll be short. But, it's too good not to share.

This morning while I was aggravated because I was riding up and down the halls waiting to get set up on my desktop PC. A woman, a bit younger than me, was standing in the hallway. A nurse aide was in cleaning up her dad, who's in a private room down the hall.

His daughter said he was recuperating well. Then, one night, he decided to get up by himself. He fell and broke his hip and one arm. Now, he's in bed and he'll be here longer than anyone expected.

From the look on the daughter's face she seemed to be as frustrated as I was. She could have taken a seat in the living room for a few minutes. Instead, she stood outside, across the hallway waiting for the aide to finish.

I came up to her and started talking about how nice the weather has been, with sunny and warmer temperatures for late November. After that, we talked for a while.

Then, I went on my way. I was gone for a while at lunch.

When I next went up the hallway, I saw the daughter sitting in her dad's room. She'd put up some Christmas decorations. She'd already told me her dad was upset because he'll spend Christmas in the nursing home. So, she was trying to make it festive.

I stopped to tell her how nice the decorations looked. While there were no lights on the trees, one had red and silver balls stacked in the shape of a tree. The other was a green artificial tree decorated with multicolored ornaments.

I told the daughter how nice everything looked. I shared I'd given my little tree away before moving to this facility.

Later, while  I was working away on my desktop, that man's daughter walked in beside me and sat a small, decorated tree, without lights on my table. That man's daughter had put one together for me. I said I didn't say her dad's room looked nice – so I'd get a tree. But I thanked her for her kindness. She put the tree beside the TV on the chest of drawers.

Not long after, another woman, perhaps the daughter's relative, or maybe not, came in and showed me magnetic Christmas tiles that could be put on my door. She offered to put them other places, but I told her on the door would be fine.

I received a nice surprise out of the kindness of others.

The upside down afternoon

This morning we had four aides, which is rare on a weekend. That meant the aides had more help, and time, to get me up and ready for breakfast in the dining room. Some were probably surprised that I was there.

I went in and aides were feeding the, dependant residents first, as they always do. I went to my roommate's table and sat near her. At least we could talk a bit while she was eating her breakfast. Then, even she had stayed long enough and left.

Right before that, an aide brought my tray, and put my teabags in hot water to brew. Then she was paged to a resident's room to assist him to breakfast. That aide didn't said a word, didn't cover the tray, or my tea; she was just gone.

After a few minutes, I asked another aide if she'd cover my tea, and she did. Then, I waited another twenty minutes for an aide to feed me breakfast.

After breakfast I was rolling around waiting to get my a.m. care finished, and the Communion Distributor introduced himself, and gave me Communion. Then he left hurriedly with no other extra prayer.

The rest of the midmorning went pretty well and I was actually set up at my desktop by 10:30 a.m.

After lunch things got messed up. One aide went home, which left three to handle everything. Usually there are three aides on the weekend. But an extra aide is welcome.

I always have trouble getting set back up at my desktop PC. Since the aides don't always have time to set me back up at the desktop PC after lunch, they are out of practice doing it. So, it takes them longer. Only a couple of them can do it quickly.

A while after I asked to be set up, I had to go to the bathroom, and told an aide. She told me she was too busy. I rolled the hallways waiting.

An hour later I was still waiting. But, I couldn't wait any longer and wet my pants. That upset and embarrassed me.

It took another hour before the aides could clean me up. Aides just kept walking by me in the hallway.

The day was rough for nurses and aides because a long-term care resident was dying. Most of the staff were client.

Later, I apologized to my aide for being upset at the shorthanded situation. Nevertheless, when they're shorthanded, waiting is frustrating