Doing things a bit differently

This morning my a.m. care worked out better. But, I was about fifteen minutes late getting my suppositories. However, they are endeavoring not to leave me sitting on the shower chair for too long.

The aides double teamed to finish my washup quicker. The younger one, I will call Ellen wasn't very sure what she's doing. But, as a nursing student, there's no time like the present for her to learn. Learning by doing is better anyway.

They had to hurry so I'd get to the dining room. They got me washed up, dressed, and my hair put together in less than thirty minutes – which is great time. I think they could've spent a bit more time and I would've been washed better and felt less itchy. But that's a topic for another day.

I need to figure out how we can refine the washup. It needs to be done more like at stop at my previous nursing home. We need to get a system down and there isn't one yet . It's all hodgpodged and messed up.

But, things take time and I need to give the aides time to adjust. I also realize that some of them will never adjust to, or like, what I want done.

Ellen, younger aide, told me this morning that if someone wouldn't wash her the way she wanted, and do the things the way she wanted them done during the washup, she told me she'd be upset also. That shows that a 17-year-old can understand how I feel.

Ellen, who is a new aide, is doing a good job. She's going to nursing school and has a test on Monday. She has studied Buddhism and practiced it with yoga and meditation. I told her I admire her for her ability to try to fix herself instead of trying to fix everyone else around her.

Tonight, the nurse allowed Ellen to feed me my snack while trays were being passed. I had suggested that when Ellen set me up with my laptop, and I'm glad they did it that way, instead of waiting.

Getting my snack early cause me not to have to worry about it this evening.

Tonight I have my own call light

I've been living here for almost six weeks without a call light. It's been quite disconcerting. I've been using a blow in/breath activated call light since 1998. It means I do not have to try to hold onto a call light. It is is a straw mouthpiece mounted on a gooseneck arm that attaches to the side of the bed. When I blow into it, the call light comes on.

It was hard getting used to not having my call light. The first few nights I kept reaching for it with my mouth, and realizing it wasn't there. But, maintenance said their call light system was too old to work with my type of call light.

However, after my roommate fell the other night, I decided I must have a call light. When that event happened, I realized that I had no way to help my roommate or myself, and it frightened me.

I filed a complaint with the local nursing home ombudsman's office. The ombudsman rep visited on Tuesday to check on the status of my call light. She said it was unacceptable that I didn't have one and was trying to use a nursery monitor instead. The aides and nurses were not responding to the nursery monitor very well. I wondered if they could even hear me.

Immediately, the maintenance man started on a work around that would allow my call light to work.

Today, I went out with a friend for lunch. When we returned my call light was set up on the bed. Although it was done incorrectly, I wanted to see if it would work. My friend blew into it but the call light did not come on. She went to get the maintenance man and he showed us, by blowing into it himself, that it worked. Then, I showed him where its supposed to be set up on the bed, and he repositioned it.

I'm using it this evening and I feel so much better. It's terrible when I feel like I can't communicate when I something. I have put it on twice this evening and it has been answered. That may not happen right away, every time. But at least I have a way to notify the aides and nurses that I need assistance.

I told them to cancel the appointment

A week ago I was told I had two appointments on October 12. One was with an oncologist because I've had breast cancer three times. A few hours later the facility scheduled an appointment for a transvaginal ultrasound – which I've never had. I couldn't understand why they would schedule two appointments for the same day. I thought that was too much.

I wrote a letter to whichever nurse would handle it, saying that I didn't want two appointments scheduled in one day. I also said I preferred not to go on October 12 or October 18 since I was getting company on those days. I only had the business office email so that's where I sent it, and requested they forward it.

Later that day the facility chaplain came to talk to me about the appointments. I told him I preferred they not schedule two appointments on the same day. I haven't done that in five years.

I said I wanted the transvaginal ultrasound rescheduled for a different day. Looking back, I think I got my dates mixed up and thought the second Wednesday in October was the 12th. However, they should ask me if I have anything upcoming on my calendar, before they schedule medical appointments.

I had the appointment Post-it note on the front of my desktop PC screen. Thinking it had been cancel, I must've had someone remove it.

Fast forward to this morning. After I was dressed I was told that I had an appointment this afternoon. I realized it was for the vaginal ultrasound. I told them it had been canceled last week. But, they said it wasn't canceled. I told them I wouldn't go.

I felt I didn't have enough information to go to that appointment. I'm a quadriplegic and I'm concerned that a vaginal ultrasound could be uncomfortable and might cause spasticity. I suggested I might need to have a sedative before I have the test.

I said I emailed this information the business office manager last week, and wondered if anyone got it. I told them, no matter what, I was canceling.

Later, I talked with the assistant director of nursing and told her my concerns. Not long after, she said she called the ultrasound tech and she's never done a transvaginal on a quadriplegic. I told the ADON that I was going to look online for more information regarding getting a sedative to have the test. She said she'd reschedule.

In my research I learned some women find the transvaginal ultrasound so uncomfortable uncomfortable that they have to have a sedative before having it done. Even though the ADON says they will stop the test if it's painful, I don't think I need to go through that. I don't know that they'll stop the test. I just wonder they're doing it because that is the newest technology, and they want to use it.

Nursery monitor not effective

I came to this nursing home at the end of August. Back then, the maintenance man said the Breath Call (breath activated) call light wouldn't work with their old-style, flip switch call light system. Nevertheless, my sister and I both searched for adapters for the breath activated call light. Janice found some and I emailed them to the maintenance man. But, he kept telling me an adapter would not work with the system.

My sister bought a nursery monitor and in the beginning it seemed to work. But, I wondered if it would work long term. Nursing homes are busy places and nursery monitor senders and receivers can get dropped, and broken. That had happened at two previous nursing homes.

Gradually, the aides and nurses seemed to get slower answering the nursery monitor. I wondered if they could hear it. The receiver unit has to be recharged and then can be unplugged until it loses its charge. I knew if the receiver unit was being left at the nurses station, it would be difficult for the aides to hear me. A discharged battery would make it unusable. Then, they would have to plug it in. A nursery monitor with batteries would have been preferable and easier to use.

It seems almost impossible for the aides here to answer call lights within fifteen minutes. Expecting nursing home residents to wait longer than that concerns me. Some residents are on the Rehab Unit and and have just left the hospital after surgery, stroke, heart attack, cancer, or other illness. Some need quite a bit of care at least at first.

I know I was frustrated right after I was set up to sleep because I couldn't put my call light on to get an aide to adjust me, or whatever was bothering me. I started ignoring what was bothering me, an itch here, a too tight splint strap there. I hate to run aides back and forth. But nightly discomforts have a way of escalating. Then, the too tight splint caused middle of the night pain, I blamed myself for not having a usable call light to to get some help. Ignoring something that was uncomfortable, seemed so wrong in so many ways. It was like I'd lost my freedom.

I've been here for a little over five weeks. I now wonder if the aides can hear me on that nursery monitor.

I hope the facility maintenance man can rig my Breath Call so I can use it.

Me and Charlie challenged in the middle of the night

Last night, in the middle of it, I woke with my right leg straining inside my night splint. I started talking into the nursery monitor (which serves as my only call light). I said my right leg was hurting and I needed to have the splint loosened or taken off. Then, I heard my roommate Charlie, short for Charlotte, say something. I thought she was offering to put her call light on which she frequently does. But, that's not what it was and I could tell there was a problem. I asked her where she was. Eventually, she told me she was on the floor. She had fallen earlier in the evening and was warned not to get up. But she got up anyway, and fell again.

So, here I was hurting and Charlie was on the floor. I spoke directly into my nursery monitor saying quite loudly that Charlie is on the floor and that she felt. They can answer me on that nursery monitor if they have it near them. But no one said anything. For forty-five minutes after that I called for help almost continuously. In between, I checked on Charlie trying to make sure she wasn't unconscious. I encouraged her to keep trying to reach her call light and pull it on, or try to reach her cell phone to call 911.

As the minutes ticked by, I felt so impotent. There was little I could do to help even my roommate, who I knew could be in real trouble, or myself who was in pain.

Charlie finally said she was able to reach the call light and put it on. I hoped against hope that someone would see it.

I was surprised that within ten minutes an aide came through the door. She found Charlie with a forehead laceration, and bleeding all over everywhere. Immediately, that aide went and got the nurse who gave Charlie a tongue lashing for getting up. But Charlie was being Charlie and was feisty to the nurse right back. She likes to move around, and be independent if she can. She also doesn't like waiting for help that seems to be constantly tardy.

I reminded the aide that when Charlie had been cared for, that I needed some assistance.

Within fifteen minutes Charlie was on her way to the ER. Before that, when the paramedics arrived, another aide came over and took off my splints.

For some reason my leg was hurting really badly. I just wondered if I was holding myself stiffly trying to help Charlie and I get through this scary middle of the night..

Charlie got some stitches in her forehead and it's covered by a large bandage. She's been told to stay in bed and put the call light on every time she needs to move somewhere.

Unfortunately, she doesn't always listen to that.

A banner better day

When you live in a nursing home, there are so many contrasts. One part of one day can be simply awful, and then the afternoon can be stellar. Maybe nursing homes are just a microcosm of what happens in society each day. Maybe I should remember that the next time my world (inside the nursing home) turns topsy-turvy .

This morning I had a lot of trepidation after yesterday's "morning from hell".

But it seemed like the planets were aligned, or God was smiling because things went better.

A different night shift nurse actually brought my thyroid pill in at 5 AM.

Then, she came in much earlier to get me going for the day.

I was up before 6:45 am. and in the bathroom.

I headed to the shower around 7 AM. Unfortunately, I had to be weighed which is part of my Monday morning.

Two aides gave me my shower which saved some time.

Then, they took me to my room where I was dressed and readied for the day.

I was asked if I wanted to eat breakfast in the dining room and I said I would. When I got there, they were not very many residents left.

There was an aide available to feed me my breakfast. Even though I could tell my breakfast had been sitting for a while, I ate it because it got to me in a timely fashion.

As I said, with cooperation, things can turn around for the better, or definitely for the worse, in a nursing home.

A morning from hell

This weekend on the nurse aide schedule must just be doomed. This morning I again didn't get started early enough with my morning routine. I wasn't out of bed until 7:30 a.m.

I was in the bathroom for a while and when I got out my aide had to leave and go to the dining room to feed other residents. The problem was I had not had my breakfast yet. I wish she would have just thrown a blanket over me and taken me to the dining room with her. At least I could've been fed my breakfast.

As it was, she had to leave me with the TV on. I had her put a folded towel under my left thigh, which was sore from the pressure of sitting. I thought maybe having a towel under it would relieve it.

It worked for a little while. But, twenty minutes later my leg started to throb. It was numb and tingly. I started calling for the nurse who was in the hallway passing medicine. I thought maybe she would bring mine down and adjust my leg. But neither the nurse, nor anybody else came.

I tried everything I could think of to get my left leg to stop hurting, but nothing helped.

I just started to call nurse, nurse and please help me every few minutes. As the pain increased in my left thigh, I got louder and longer. Even though I was yelling nurse, nobody came.

I was so dejected and in pain I couldn't even pay attention to the TV.

Then I heard my roommate on her cell phone. I wondered if she was calling her daughter to tell her about my situation.

A few minutes later, I was still calling for help when her daughter came in. I told her I had been on the shower chair for over two hours. She asked me why and I told her there weren't enough aides to get me off the shower chair. My roommate's daughter  said she was going to go complain, and started out the door. I told her I had complained enough for just about every resident in the nursery monitor I use as a call light.

A few minutes later she came back and told me that she is going to report what happened to me.

Several minutes after that the nurse came in and put a washcloth under my left thigh, which I knew would relieve the pain temporarily, which it did. She said she was sending the aides in to help me and she didn't want me to yell at them because I was on the shower chair for so long. I told her I wasn't going to yell at them.

I learned a bit earlier that another aide was coming in at 10 AM. The same scheduling happened on this same Sunday aide schedule a month ago.

In less than an hour I was washed up, hair combed, teeth brushed, and set up at my desktop PC.

I really hope I won't experience this soon again.

Fifty minutes in the bathroom

This same weekend is messed up every time it rolls around. It's strange because they just hired a new aide. But, she doesn't know the lay of the land yet and is probably being pushed around.

I didn't get up even close to my usual time this morning.

I was ready to get up at 6:50 am. I said into the nursery monitor that serves as a call light, that I needed to get up.  I said that same thing into the nursery monitor every five minutes. My roommate heard me and she went out into the hallway to find the aides.

They didn't come in my room until after 7 AM. They got me up and into the bathroom.

When I was finished, my aide fed me my breakfast in my room. I knew she would be busy in the dining room, so I asked her to put me back in the bathroom. I told her I couldn't sit there very long because my leg was already hurting from being on it for over an hour.

When I was finished, a long more than fifteen minutes had passed, my aide did not come back to check on me. I started calling nurse, and saying I needed to get out of the bathroom, and off the shower chair which was hurting my left thigh. But nobody came.

Many minutes later, my roommate heard me calling for help. I don't know if she put her call light on, or if she called out into the hallway. But, soon, my aide came in.

I was beside myself with pain in my left hip from sitting on that shower chair seat. The pain was causing me to cry and perspire and I was quite uncomfortable.

I told both aides who came in that I couldn't quite handle being left in the bathroom, on the shower chair, and in pain for fifty minutes.

One of the aides said that I should have known where they were. It's not that I didn't think they were busy, it's just that I think an aide, or one of the nurses, should've checked on me.

Conversation with an aide

Dudley, my name for the male aide on dayshift, has given his two weeks notice. I find that surprising since he's good at his job. He also shows up. Although, he may have called off once since I've been here.

This morning he told me that two dayshift aides didn't show up. Although he thought one might just be late, he was pretty sure the other one wasn't coming. I told him it's amazing how aides can do that and the facility can't afford to discipline them in any way. They really need every one of those aides, so badly. Most of their coworker aides are angry when other aides call off, or don't show.

He told me that there has been a lot of confusion and disorganization here in the past. He said at one time the administrator, director of nursing, and assistant director of nursing all quit at the same time. He also said there was a female administrator here who was quite successful in her job. But, unfortunately she left it.

Dudley said he thought things would change when the present administrator arrived. If that's when a different company bought the business, he might have thought their "person centered care" and "spirituality" endeavors might change the way care was given.

Dudley said instead of things getting better here, they're getting worse. The aides are more unreliable and quit all the time. However, I know the unreliability of aides, housekeepers and dietary staff is an industrywide problem. Aides usually take time off, or quit and come back, when they feel they're getting burned out.

It's interesting that Dudley seems pretty connected here. Although he lives twenty to thirty miles away, he seems to be comfortable here. It can't be easy going elsewhere.

Dudley said he doesn't mind doing the job and feels he can get the hall I'm on finished himself. I think it bothers him that he needs help to do me.

One thing I have noticed is that Dudley's moods change frequently. The down, angry mood he falls into gives me a strange feeling. I wonder if he's angry because he works here.

I hope he finds a job that makes him happier. I also hope this facility finds a way to get good aides and nurses to stay longer.

My friend helped me out

I moved here August 30 and my sister put things where she thought they could be found. But, unfortunately her one day of organization did not allow enough time. I do wonder if she made a list. It would be helpful to have it now, but I don't. It's hard to remember where things were put, when she's in Florida and I'm in Ohio.

My things have been sitting right where she left them. I knew my important things were put somewhere for me to find. But I had no idea exactly where they were.

The day I moved in was such a swirl of things going on, here and there. I wish I had overseen all the things I need for everyday life packed where I knew exactly where they were. However, there was no way I could do that.

Instead, my friend Beth who visited the other day helped me. She had difficulty helping because I left wrist has been broken since mid-September.

Since she didn't want to take me out, we took advantage of the time and she went through a large tote that my sister put in the closet. We threw a bunch of things away. I also gave her some of the things I no longer need. Some things I wanted to throw away she took for her grandchildren to play with. But most of it went in my bedside stand, since that's where it was at my previous nursing home.

Beth also helped me go through a couple bags of midweight clothing. I told her the facility has misplaced some of my clothing, or it has not been returned. I have lost several tops and several pairs of pants.

Beth helped me find stretch jeans that will get me through most of the fall. Then we think maybe my other clothing is stored in my minivan in the parking lot. I remember clearly that my sister had a couple of totes and the admissions coordinator said – the facility had no place to store extra clothing.

I appreciate my friend Beth going through my things with me. My sister had to endure Hurricane Irma in September. Now, she is off on a long time planned vacation with her husband. She will visit me sometime after she returns.

It's hard to live in a nursing home and need the help of family, and not have it. Nursing homes ought to make sure they have either staff or volunteers to assist residents to put their room together when their families are unable.

I'll feel like a vagabond, until this room is in shape.

They all learn to feed residents

The thing I'm most impressed with at this nursing home is that everyone is trained to feed residents, especially the managers. That says a lot about a company. Clearly, they do not want their managers to be too far removed, or feel that they are above the residents they care for.

The very first weekend I was surprised to see the administrator here feeding residents on a Saturday. In my over twenty-one years in nursing homes, that's the first time I've seen that.

I seen days when most of the managers are in the dining room feeding. Today was a prime example. The administrator, chaplain, dietary manager, and a speech therapist were all feeding at the same time. It seems like all the employees must feel like a team working together. I don't hear a lot of sniping, although I'm sure it happens. It just doesn't happen out in the open like it did at my previous facility.

This is also the first nursing home where I've lived that has had union. It doesn't appear to be any different from a nursing home without one. I would think that full-time employees are probably paying union dues.

This facility is also pretty quiet. There is no loud music playing in the hallways. Not many residents have their TVs turned up loudly, but, there are a few who do.

I hear no yelling by staff or residents in the hallways. I heard an awful lot of it at my previous facility. So, this place has served as a respite.

It appears that all the employees:, nurses, therapists, aides, dietary staff, and housekeepers being busy working together for a common goal.

I think watching workers working, but not complaining about it, is uplifting. It makes me feel better about living my life here.

The difficult part – adjusting

I guess it was easier when I was new to this nursing home. Now, I've been here a month and I sort of know what's going on. Unfortunately, I'm still feeling uncomfortable.

Even though this nursing home has some amenities I've wanted, I'm still nervous and afraid.

My best friend, Beth visited today. It was kind of weird. I was able to see her pull onto the drive and come up to the building. I couldn't do that at my previous nursing home. There were no windows large enough to watch what was going on on its residential street. I missed all arrivals and departures of family and friends. It was strange to finally see one.

Beth likes this place and the way it looks. She likes the fact that she does not have to sign it as a visitor. She likes that it's bright and airy, cozy look. I have to say the decor does make me feel less anxious. I'm wondering if the looks of the place truly make that much of a difference.

The thing that does make a difference is cleanliness. I never could stand my nursing home room to me dirty or cluttered. Here I enjoy that it is clean.

But, today, over a month later, I still do not feel like the captain of my ship.

I'm settling into a different environment, where I'm no longer the strangest resident. I'm no longer the only one with a power chair.

But I feel far away from my sister. My friend Beth did say I could move near her if I wanted. But I know in my heart that is not something I should really do.

I want and need someone to help me feel like me again. Even though I have no funds to hire helpers, I still need help.

Is it realistic to depend on others to help me meet my goals and get done what I need done?

I'm wondering how I keep everything organized here. It was falling apart long before I left my previous facility.

Is there anyway that I can make it feel like it's coming together here?

Many waiting for a while to be fed

I was shocked when I entered the dining room, thinking I was late, and found that no one had been served. It didn't even seem like there were that many residents in there to feed..

I moved around to see what was going on, then left, and returned. I asked where they wanted me to sit and pulled in there. I had the feeling I was going to sit in that dining room for a while.

I was feeling strangely because one of the office people, or managers, fed me. This facility has a different philosophy from the nursing homes where I've lived. At my previous facilities the aides did mostly everything and sometimes the nurses helped.

It just feels strange having managers in the dining room routinely. But, I guess they're showing that they are no better than the aides they employ who feed the residents. I wondered if they've had feed training, and I think they probably have. If it were not for the managers feeding, they would need more aides here.

It's amazing that during my first few weeks the food I was served was warm. Now, it isn't necessarily, and I wonder why.

The hot water device is broken. I don't know how they're heating the water for their large thermal carafes, but I know this morning my aide put tapwater into my cups and then failed to microwave it long enough. That meant my tea was barely warm.. This morning, my tea was barely warm.

At lunch the assistant business office manager fed me part of the meal, and the dietary manager fed me the rest.

I know they want me to wait down there until the meal is served and then wait afterwards..

They really don't realize how difficult that is for me.

Dudley, the male aide, thinks I'm a problem

I guess it shouldn't matter whether the male aide likes me or not. After all, I'm not here to win a popularity contest. I'm here to be taken care of and to try to have some type of meaningful life. Everyone, mostly my sister, thought this nursing home could provide a better environment.

I will call my aide Dudley, instead of using his name. The first weekend I was here I noticed how he strutted around like a banty rooster. I thought he was pretty impressed with himself and thought that meant he thought he was a good aide. I hoped he was good and would help the others.. I wanted to find aides here more capable than those at my previous facility.

Dudley was my aide for three out of the first four days after I came. I told him I would rather not have a male do my washup. But, I realized I was new here and had to go with the flow. If Dudley was good, he was also quiet, and hardly said anything.

I know I'm the one who probably did all the talking. I praised him a lot, because he was good. He got me washed up, to the bathroom and back. Then, my breakfast was on time and the tea was hot. The only thing I didn't like was the way he washed me without incentive. I expected a few difficulties. I was kind of nervous and probably put up with things that I wouldn't all the time. I thought maybe they decided Dudley was the one who should do me on my first morning here. It was kind of coordinated like it was supposed to make me feel welcome and comfortable.

But the next day was just god-awful. Dudley was not here and it was quite apparent. I had to work with different aides and for one reason or another things were out of sync. I did get ready for the day, but it was much later. I also got accused of keeping an aide in my room for three hours. Actually the occupational therapist washed me up that morning after I was left in the bathroom for over an hour. I felt awful because they thought I took up too much time. My morning routine would move along if the aide could expedite the process. But some aides have a hard time with that.

Dudley was also my aide on the first weekend. He got me ready on time. But I noticed he was rather sullen about doing my care. In the next four weeks he seldom was my aide. And when he was he complained that my washup took too long.

It's four weeks later and he acts like he no longer wants to come in my room. To me, he acts like taking care of me causes the little hairs on the back of his neck to stand up.

I wish I didn't feel I am somehow responsible poor his feelings about me. Nevertheless, it does bother me. Seeing him make a face makes me uncomfortable

I'd like everybody to be comfortable with me and I know not everybody is. I suppose I seem like I'm needy and greedy and went to much help to some.

But, I'd hope that Dudley can understand that being involuntarily discharged from your second nursing home is difficult.

A breath of fresh air – weekend aide

Every other weekend has been confusing and mixed up, ever since I came to this nursing home. I knew there had to be a weak aide on that weekend. That situation made it much more difficult for the other aides and the residents.

This weekend the best, and only male aide is scheduled. Though he does a good job, he can frequently is temperamental.

So I was a little leery about this morning. That is, until a new aide walked in with a big smile on her face. She said hello and gave me her name. Most new aides don't do that, so I was impressed.

I'm used to aides being all thumbs on their first day. Also, some nursing homes do not let orientating aides do much, or, should I say most newly hired aides stand back and don't step forward and help.

But this new aide got pulled right into what was going on and she just did her job. She did not ask a lot of questions or expect things to be explained to her. She just did as the aide who was training her told her.

That made or a much better day for the aides, and it made for a better day for me. It was nice to talk to an aide in a pleasant mood who usually had a smile.

The new aide explained to me that she would be working twelve hour day shifts, 6 AM to 6 PM on weekends only. She said she has three children and if she works weekends, and her husband is at home to take care of the children.

I liked it because she paid attention. I just have the feeling that's the way she is naturally. Some aides try to depersonalize their work by being detached from their residents.

I'm hoping this aide will like her weekend job and stay for a while.

Waiting for an ultrasound

This past Tuesday I was told they were ordering an abdominal ultrasound. I wondered if the mobile x-ray company would do it. I wondered how long it would take and when they would schedule it.

This morning while I was riding down the hallway. I heard the assistant director of nursing tell my nurse she had a call about my ultrasound. I never thought to ask my nurse what that call was about..

I rode up and down the hallway to keep myself occupied until lunchtime. I was very chilly because it was cooler out today.

When it was 11:30 a.m., I headed to the dining room to get my lunch. When I got there it looked like everyone had been served. I wondered why no one was looking for me to make sure I came to lunch. It almost seemed like the aides were ignoring me.

I went over to an empty chair, but when no one came to move it, I lingered a bit, and left the dining room. I came back in and asked where they wanted me to sit. One of the aides took me to an empty spot.

As I sat there, my nurse walked in and told me I was having an abdominal ultrasound at 2 PM and could not have any lunch. She said I was allowed to have water. She apologized for getting to tell me. My nurse was on orientation and today there was no other nurse right beside her to oversee what she was doing. Therefore, she was behind and befuddled.

Even though I was hungry, and wanted to cancel the ultrasound, I went to my aide and asked if she would set me up at my desktop PC so I'd have something to do until 2 PM. I was also told not to go to the bathroom because my bladder need to be full for the ultrasound.

After I was at my desktop PC, and I started working on some tasks.

When I got to be 2:15 p.m and no mobile x-ray tech had shown, I called the facility's number to find out if the mobile x-ray unit was still coming. Since I was put on hold the first time and got no answer, I called and talked to another staffer who said she would check up about the ultrasound. I also advised her it had been over five hours since I went to the bathroom.

I sat there, in front of my desktop and wondered if someone could find out what was happening.

Finally, sometime after 2:30 p.m the assistant business manager said I could go to the bathroom. She said I needed to get in bed because the mobile x-ray tech was on her way. By the time I got into bed, and got ready, the ultrasound tech was knocking on the door.

I was surprised the abdominal ultrasound took one and one half hours to complete.

A night I couldn't sleep

I don't know why there are some nights when I don't sleep, or can't sleep. I can be so very tired at 8:30 p.m., and since this facility is new, I can be wide-awake by the time the aides get me situated to fall asleep. I think it's because I'm not used to the routine here. And sometimes I have to wait a little long for the care that I need. Once I get used to the routine it should be easier.

But last night, I was tired. Second shift didn't get me ready for sleep. I knew they would be out the door at 10 PM, and night shift would have to get me ready.

Though they got me ready pretty quickly, it was after 10 PM. Once I get my second wind, it's hard for me to calm down and sleep.

I got my meds soon after they got me situated. At least I did not have to wait an hour and then be wakened to take them.

One problem was the aides couldn't get my earplugs to stay in. For some reason they're having difficulty rolling and inserting them so they seal properly and block the sound. For some reason, the earplugs are sliding back out. I can sleep with some noise. But sustained loud TV sound makes it difficult for me to sleep. I was aggravated because I could hear more than I wanted to. I so badly wanted quiet.

Before lying down, the air conditioner was making me chilly. I had them turn the AC off, and put it on "fan only" to allow room temperature to warm..

I woke at 2 AM and the room felt so hot. Perspiration was running down my face. I wondered why I felt so warm.

I called the nurse to get rid of the blanket and put the air conditioner back on low. I knew I would eventually get too cold because the low temperature was supposed to be 52°. When the temperature is that low, air conditioning is not usually needed.

My leg splints were causing my right knee to ache which may have caused me to feel warm. I knew there was also some cooler weather coming which could contribute to my aching.

Even after the aides removed my splints, my right leg ached. After the aide adjusted the pillow under my legs after about half an hour my right knee calmed down.

But, soon after I was again too cool. The aide Karen me up again and within several minutes, I was again too hot. Consequently, the nurses and aides were in my room a lot last night.

After a rough night sleeping, I wished I had taken Benadryl to assist me to get to sleep and stay asleep.

Getting over this morning

Somehow, I thought today would be better. After all I got to get up around 7 AM for the second day, which I consider to be a victory. That means there's some toileting regularity in my care plan.

Unfortunately, an aide wanted to dress me without washing me. I refused. I told her I wanted to be washed up first. Maybe I should have made a deal about going to the dining room unwashed in something like my gown and a T-shirt, but I didn't.

Then, another aide showed up and another. They started to sort of wash me in this room's very tiny bathroom. I asked if they wanted to take me out in the room to wash me. I heard a man's voice/the administrator  admonishing me to allow the aides to get me together for the day. I felt like a four-year-old who is no longer trusted to take their bath correctly. I was very upset and protested that I was being assaulted against my will. I felt that way because I was being hurried along. I know how to help someone get me done faster. But the way they were doing it was frightening me.

I asked to be left in the bathroom and I was. They must've gone to the dining room to feed residents, and they did not come back. I stayed in the bathroom until two aides came back. One combed my hair and the other brought my breakfast tray. They brought a tray that had been sitting around with dry toast on it. An aide fixed me two cups of tea. The aide fed me a piece of toast with peanut butter. But then, she said she had other things to do and there was no more time for me. I missed out on my second cup of tea, and the Cheerios. It's almost like the aides were timing me and all of a sudden ran out of their designated time for me.

With that, the aide left. I was positioned where I could not see a clock, or watch TV. I couldn't even operate my power chair because no one put my hand near the joystick.

I just sat there and waited. Eventually, a different aide came in and brushed my teeth and put cream on my face. All my a.m. care had been finished. Not allowing for the time it took to feed me, I don't think they spent thirty minutes getting me ready this morning.

I've asked why this facility can't accommodate and do most of what I want. I just want to be up and clean each day either with a shower or a washup. I also want to be able to get on my computer and do my writing like I've been doing.

I hope somewhere in the hearts of those who manage this facility they can find a way for that to happen. I don't want to have to move elsewhere hoping to find the care everyone says is impossible to find.

An outrageous morning

I thought nothing could get worse than yesterday, and a few days before. But, as I frequently say, I do not make this stuff up, and it was not the day I was expecting.

There was no new plan for me getting up on night shift. The night shift nurse AGAIN told me they could not do it the way I want it. It's not the way I want it's, I think it's the way the dayshift aides want it to get them out of it. They'd probably like to be my buddies and not to do my care. I know they do showers on other shifts, but that's not going to work for me.

Suppositories were given before 7 AM and the aides came in, on their own, and got me up about fifteen minutes later. It was evident I was being rushed and hurried. The transfer was abysmal and I wondered what was up with both of the aides that helped me. It's possible they don't feel confident with each other.

I made it to the bathroom. I wanted to finish so they would have time to wash me up before breakfast. I asked how many aides were working today. But, nobody told me.

My female aide came back and said I needed a shortened washup. She went ahead and did it and finished pretty quickly. Maybe the aides were staying in here too long to be off the floor. It's not the first time that has happened. My aide pushed me into the room without clothing. I asked her to get window my towels from the closet and she was immediately aggravated. Since it did not cover much, I asked her to grab the bath blanket on the bed for me. Instead, she left, didn't say where she was going, and the towel slid off of me.

I said into the nursery monitor that I was sitting naked and I was cold in front of the air conditioner. With each message I got a bit louder. Soon the only male aide came in. He was not in a good mood today and told me that he didn't want to hear my arguments or instructions. I asked him to put the bath blanket over me. He said I should've said please. He put it over me and left.

Then, the assistant director of nursing and social services director came in and straightened me some in the shower chair. But, they left me in the middle of the floor at 8:30 a.m.

Several minutes later, two aides came in and fed me breakfast. They double teamed me so that each had a witness and neither was in my room by herself.

I went back into the bathroom. With no one checking on me, I was in there for a while. My roommate said it was an hour. When I got out they quickly dressed me and got me ready for the day.

I just don't understand why mornings have to be so upsetting. I wondered why I did not cry this morning.

Today wasn't any better

Today it was not the best of days. Yesterday, I heard today was a problem because there was no shower aide scheduled. I wondered why. I thought that meant probably no shower for me.

I found out when I could not get my suppository anytime before or right after 7 AM. They said they had to ask the aides when they could got me up. They told me later they were waiting for an aide to come in.

The nurse brought me a breakfast tray. But as soon as I told her I needed to be fed, she left and left the tray. I objected strongly to anybody leaving food in my room. I just don't think that should be done to someone who cannot feed herself.

I did finally get breakfast. I was not allowed to get up. My suppositories were not given until after 10 AM. I knew this wasn't good for my getting washed up  timeline. But, I was already told I would get no shower today.

I did get up but I was way too upset to get washed up. They wanted to move it right along and I wanted to feel warm water over my skin, which was not going to happen. Therefore I got my hands and face washed and went back to bed. I just did not want to deal with rushed caregivers today.

This afternoon there was a meeting with the powers that be. They're trying to decide on a schedule. But they still want to know if I want just one on one care. That's not the issue. The issue is doing what I need and getting me up. I also would like to do what I want to do during the day which is use my computer and do my reading and writing.

I'm not sure anybody understands my situation any better. Things are just way too nebulous here. They are like that in most nursing homes. But this one really needs to change things in order to make me feel better about being here. Yes, the people are nice and the environment outside and inside is better. But, care can be given in a barn, as long as it's done well.

Two weeks later – another mixed up weekend

Why would these weekends be so messed up? That's a question I cannot answer. I don't know if they understaff all the time, or if aides wiggle their way out of working, or if they just plain call off.

Two weeks ago was utterly awful. When the one male aide is not here, the female aides cannot keep it together. Perhaps they need to hire another male aide who might be able to do some residents by himself. They just need a person who's a leader. No one takes over.

Yesterday was mixed up also. But my aide was a different one and she managed to get to me sooner. But they are messing up my suppository timeline. They also have some of my meds messed up which is disconcerting to me.

I also feeling the effects of riding up and down the hallways most of the day looking for something to keep me occupied. Sometimes just about anything looks good.

But this morning my nurse came in on time at suppository time, and gave me other meds. He really isn't making best use of his time. Then he came back probably forty minutes later with my suppositories. He said they would yet me up in a half hour. I certainly hoped he was telling me the truth. But, I kind of wondered about it.

Thirty minutes later, nobody came. Over an hour later two aides and a nurse (working as an aide) showed up to get me out of bed. I had not made it to the bathroom and had soiled the diaper – again. They changed me and cleaned me up.

Then I was put in the bathroom. I heard one of them say under her breath that I could be in there for an hour. I suddenly hoped I had misheard what had been said.

I told them I would not hold the call light because it is too tight for my finger and it is very difficult to pull on. I said I asked that it be changed to regular string two days after I came. I said if I drop my arm off the armrest to turn it on, by the time the aides get in here, my fingers are blue. I didn't care if I set in the bathroom all morning.

Eventually after about thirty-five or forty minutes my roommate heard me calling for help. She put her call light on. When the nurse showed up, she wanted to run. I told her not to leave. I asked her to pull up on my left leg and pull the pillow out from my back – so I could wait better. She said she would get my meds. I told her I did not want to take the cranberry supplement or calcium because of my bloated and maybe slightly impacted belly. She brought my pills back soon after.

They showed up to get me out of the bathroom and two aides cleaned me up. I didn't get breakfast. But I did get situated for the day and was, at least, clean and dressed.

I hope I can work out some type of workable schedule so I will not end up sitting for interminable amounts of time either riding with nothing to do, or on a shower chair hurting from the pressure on my legs.

Can anything be done?

This morning I got my suppositories at 6:09 a.m. But, I wondered when I would get up. It was a different aide than I thought would be working.

The aides were complaining when they got me up and out of bed at almost 7 AM. Apparently, they were shortstaffed and they were upset about it. I listened with interest and had no idea what I was supposed to say.

About twenty minutes later, or so, I was finished. My aide washed me up but she has difficulty doing it. I decided I would start offering to sit outside the dining room because it might be easier that way. The bathroom is very small.

The aides here seem to have a hard time washing me in the shower chair especially in intimate areas. They need to learn how to do it.

After I was washed up, she put lotion on me in spots, and got me dressed. She said she had to go to the dining room because they were shortstaffed. An aide who is almost eight months pregnant and having difficulties, did not show up today. I didn't think she was scheduled but I was told she was. I would think she could feed, pass ice, answer call lights, make beds, and do other small things. But maybe she isn't even up to doing that. It's a shame because they could use aides who can feed.

I had the aide put The Today Show on. I had difficulty seeing the TV screen to figure out the time. I think it was only about 8:10 a.m. when she left. She was not back by 9 AM and my left hip was hurting really badly.

I asked into the nursery monitor if anyone was coming. Nobody answered. I kept calling for the nurse and eventually the occupational therapist asked me what I wanted. I asked if she would slip a towel under my left thigh to keep it from hurting. She did and said she would tell them I needed breakfast.

Fifteen minutes passed, and no Jews do showed up. I again called for the nurse. I was very thirsty and I needed something to eat. It was more then an hour past when I usually eat.

Then, my nurse, Brandi showed up and told me to calm down and stop yelling. I told her I could not just sit there with nothing to do and be uncomfortable. I told her I'd been on the shower chair for two hours and that the aide was not in here much of that time. She promised me I would be fed. I said I wanted just a piece of toast and something to drink because I was thirsty. She wanted me to take my meds. I told her I would not because I was not anxious because I needed medicine. I was anxious because I needed attention.

At almost 9:30 a.m. my aide showed up. She brought me a piece of toast,  milk, water, Cheerios, and no juice or tea. I asked If I could have some juice. She went and got me juice and two cups of tea. I told her I would only drink one cup of tea, and eat the piece of toast. I ate as fast as I could.

My aide wanted to put me in the bathroom. She said she needed to take care of the new admit who had arrived that morning. That's what was probably taking all the time. She also told me she was leaving at 10 AM. I have the feeling she didn't care about finishing my care.

When I was finished in the bathroom, a different aide, who just arrived, came in and answered my call light.

But, I continued all day to play the "let's catch an aide" game to try to get what I wanted.

Random care

I just don't know what to think about the care here. It's not that it's bad it's just that it's quite inconsistent. We do not yet have a flow, and it's nothing like what I had at my previous nursing home.

They still do not have my early-morning meds straightened out. I'm supposed to get fiber and Synthroid, every morning. Fosamax is once a week. But I cannot take them together. I suggested they might want to give them to me as they have done in two previous nursing homes. But, the night shift nurse did not like that idea. Then, I suggested he give me some of the meds and dayshift give me the Fosamax at 7 AM. That would mean they would have to come to me, if I'm in the shower room, but that's what nurses are supposed to do.

Somehow the early-morning meds are not yet straightened out.. So the night shift nurse asked me last night to tell him if fiber and Synthroid and Fosamax can be given together. I just read that they are not supposed to be given together. Fiber is not supposed to be given with Fosamax or with Synthroid. I told him that at first and I don't know if he didn't believe me or what. I hope we are not going to have a controversy.. They could change the dosage time for the fiber. But Synthroid has to be taken several hours before Fosamax. I know because I've done it.

This morning I was able to get my suppositories at 6:10 a.m. and get up about twenty minutes later. That's only the second time that has happened here. I was put in the bathroom and when I finished I was taken to the shower. I was back by 7:30 a.m. But, the shower aide could not get me dressed, hair put together, and ready to go to the dining room by 8 AM. So, they must've started the dining room sooner. I ended up eating in my room.

The shower aide doesn't move very fast. If she did, she could get a lot more done. There's no way she can do more than ten showers a day, and maybe not that many.

I feel they need a dedicated shower aide who only stays in the shower room and does showers. That way they can control how things are done and what residents go to the shower when. But I don't know if they would ever do it that way. I don't think there's just not enough staff here. There are plenty of staff but NOT ENOUGH STAFF to help do transfers in a timely manner.

This afternoon I asked to lie down after 3 PM. But nobody came to help me. So I asked for help to get out of my desktop PC set up and went up the hallway to try to get aides to help me lie down.

It took a lot of time and me riding up the halls and back down endlessly to finally get into bed. It was way after 4 PM before I got there.

It's 7:09 p.m. and I need to eat a snack. Maybe they did not want to tell me that I had to stay up in order to get something to eat this evening. But, they should have.

I need a drink badly and I need to change positions. I certainly hope that both happen, and that I get a snack, soon.

Customer satisfaction survey – this soon

I have to admit I don't think I've ever been asked how I felt about the care. But, I'm sure I always said what I felt about it. I think the only way the care ever gets better is if residents and their family give input. I wonder if praise motivates nursing home staff.

I was going down the hall this morning and I heard my roommate and her daughter being questioned by the business office manager. She was asking them customer satisfaction questions. They were answering in the affirmative. I found it interesting the way that questions were phrased. To me, the resident by virtue of the question was only allowed limited input. The quality care questions kind of keep the customer response controlled and pretty dependable. It deals in absolute questions. Customers do not usually answer in absolutes. Residents and family who don't know exactly what to say, given the current questions, may say less.

Then the business office manager approached me. She said she wanted to ask me some questions. I so badly wanted to defer and say I would need to wait until I've been here at least a month – to answer them. But, instead I decided to answer just to see what I would be asked..

I find it's hard to answer some questions yes or no when they're related to my customer experience. Nursing home care is very individual. I just don't see how it gives them a true picture of the quality of care.

I said all employees treated me with respect. Well, they do, except for the night shift nurse who likes to get in my face. From what I have seen of his interactions with my roommate, he treats her the same way he treats me. I'm sure that's true of all the residents he cares for.

I said I would refer someone here. I should not have answered in the affirmative. I wish I would have said "No, I will have to wait until I have been here for at least two months. I wonder what they same way. Saying no would have been a negative which would would take points from the facility's score.

I also wondered why I was asked if I felt the chaplain helped to meet my spiritual needs. Given the fact that I'm Catholic, I have similar, but different, spiritual needs. I also explained I have my own spiritual program which I adhered to.

I equivocated when they asked if I was allowed to go to bed and wake up when I wanted. I said I was allowed sometimes to go to bed and rise on my schedule.

They also asked if I thought the staffing is adequate. I said no and would never say there was adequate staff in a nursing home.

I was told they do a random sampling of residents every ninety days, in order to find out how residents feel about the care they're receiving.

A lot done in one day

I wanted to get out of here at 10 AM or soon after. I have not been out of this facility since I came on August 30. I have not run any errands, or picked up anything for myself. Also, my whole moving process has remained static. I still don't have things put away, or put up on the walls. Nor do I have all of them found yet.

This morning things got slowed down because I couldn't find assistance with a bathroom break soon after 10 AM. I asked, but it didn't do me much good. 10 AM is a busy time for nursing home aides. For some it's their break time, for others it's their lunch time. It ended up that Rush got here before I was ready.

She helped me put a few things together in my room. Then after a bathroom break, we left.

I stopped first to get my hair cut. We went to a Mexican restaurant for a taco salad lunch. It wasn't too bad but it could've used a have a bit more spice.

Because the weather looked threatening we headed to the BMV in a nearby small town, so I could get a new state ID. GPS didn't quite get us to the right destination, even with the address. We had to stop at a gas station and a Muslim man with not a very good command of English explained to us where it was, and we found it.

Along the way we stopped to get gas. The van had not been filled with gas since near Christmas when my sister visited. I had used little gas since then and had one quarter of a tank remaining. But now that I'm living out farther from the big city. I need to keep gas in the tank.

At the BMV it took a half-hour to give them information and go to the place where the tablet had a long enough cord to reach to me. No one knows how undignified it is when the tablet is not located where I can easily sign. I wonder if they consider that people with limited function might need to use their equipment. I finally got the state ID signed in my very unpictureesque cursive. They took my photo and my ID was finished a few minutes later.

The trip to and from the BMV was a two lane,  bumpy State highway. I so wished we'd gone to the BMV in a larger city nearby.

I went through a next door dollar store to get a few things I needed. That store had narrow aisles and lots of stuff piled almost to the ceiling.

We headed back and told the Admissions coordinator that it was dangerous getting the van out of the gravel at the end of the parking lot. The van fishtailed and spun almost all the way around.

When I got back, I couldn't locate my cabinet keys which were found at the nurses station. My things were put away and I waited to be put in bed. It's really hard to wait when you're hurting and need to get your feet up.

Maybe soon the aides here will get used to my routine.

Keeping me up, anyway

It's sometimes difficult for me to get to lie down around 3 PM or 4 PM. If I'm in the hallway, and can follow the aides, they usually put me in bed. But if I have been on an outing, or if they think I should stay up to eat, I'm not put into bed. They don't refuse. They just don't do it.

It's fine for me to build up some tolerance and sit up longer. But I would like to have something to do. I feel if they're going to make me stay up for an extra hour I could be entertained doing something during it.

They all think it's too time-consuming to set me back up at my desktop. It really doesn't take that much time. And we are going to have to get some type of understanding.

First of all, I have no way to rest or go to the bathroom without getting out of my power chair. They want me to have a reclining power chair seat so I can rest. But they don't know that I know that it's quite difficult to get aides to cooperate with my routine after meals. The best time to get them to cooperate is before a meal.

I'm just afraid I'm going to get too tired. I like to get my feet up. It makes me feel more relaxed. I also like to write in the evening and I miss doing that.

I also am not able to read as much. Usually every Sunday I read quite a bit of the New York Times online with my sister's subscription. But not the last couple of weekends since I've been living here. Last Sunday I played catch up and read some of the NY Times in the evening before I went to sleep. But I did not get to go over it thoroughly like I usually do.

I also want to be careful about what I eat in the evening. Most of the time I want to keep my evening meal to 300 cal or a bit more. If I'm not careful, I'll end up gaining weight.

I may just ask them if I can take the snack food I buy to the dining room and eat it. That way I will not waste what is already in my closet.

Hopefully I can strike a balance between staying up and lying down based on the aides availability and schedule.

I don't think that's an unreasonable request.

Another crazy, mixed up Saturday morning

This place can be crazy every other weekend. It's strange that it wasn't like that over Labor Day weekend. I will never understand how the fates allowed things to work on that holiday weekend after I arrived. Someone here must've taken pity on me and said, "Get that lady ready for the day whatever you do".

On the next weekend, I found out how things go when things go wrong here. I have learned that some weekends are better than others. Sometimes it depends on which nurses are the weekend supervisors. It also depends on whether there is a weekend manager, and who that manager is. I had no idea what to expect.

Last weekend my routine was kind of forgotten. They just did not have enough help. The office folks (management staff) help with things from Monday through Friday. That means on the weekend they're not here to help. One of them may work weekends, but that is to be weekend manager.

Last weekend I was in bed until after 9 AM. I soiled the diaper because no one got me up to the bathroom. I wondered what would happen this weekend.

One night shift nurse does not really stick to a schedule. He did well the first few days but since then things have gone downhill. I realize I live on the Rehab Unit and this population constantly changes. Most new residents are fresh from the hospital, and need quite a bit of care. It's not like it is on the long-term here unit – where the residents remain pretty much the same.

This place is just busier than my previous facility. There, residents had behaviors and they took a lot of medication. Then, they slept a lot during the day. But many times, some of them were up most of the night many times causing trouble for the few available staff.

This morning my medicine schedule was changed. I told the night shift nurse how I thought it could be done. But he says meds are not given before 6 AM. Now, he should know that I know compliance with the law allows nurses to give meds one hour before the scheduled time, and one hour after. That would mean the nurse could give me my 6 AM meds between 5 AM and 7 AM. He should realize I know the rules by now. He's been giving me lots of pushback. So I tend to think he's somewhere besides passing medicine when I need my meds. A couple of times when he's brought my meds, he has wreaked of smoke. I think he's been outside smoking. Some nurses at a previous facility did the same. But, they told me they were busy.

So, my meds were given on a different schedule than what was done before. My suppositories were given late. There were not enough aides on the floor to get me up in a timely manner. They got me up before 8 AM. I ended up being left in the bathroom until 9:15 a.m. I thought everybody in the world had forgotten I existed.

In a facility this large, and this busy, it's possible to be forgotten. It's happened to me many times since I moved to my first nursing home over twenty-one years ago.

The aides here are trying very hard to get used to my routine. Perhaps management needs to be filled in as to the progress which is been made.

Another Friday, another outing

Last week a few of us residents went to a Walmart about fifteen miles away and were gone about two hours. Each of the residents got to look for something they wanted to purchase. There were only five of us on the outing. But it was nice not to have to worry about someone misbehaving in the middle I bit. I also enjoyed not feeling like a quasi-prisoner who had to keep facing front.

Today I was asked if I wanted to go to a nearby community festival. I wasn't really that interested but to get different food, I thought it was okay. I told the admissions coordinator that I would do my best to go along

For once, I got set up on the desktop. The nurse was very late with my meds because they had very mixed up morning with my hall's nurse calling out.

I also got to finally sign my admissions paperwork. I had to borrow a cheap ink pen from the occupational therapist so I could do it. But at least, I was able to make my own scratchings on the forms, designating my own writing.

They did offer us lunch before we left. I decided to eat it because it would keep me from craving the festival's junk food as soon as I got there.

After lunch, it took me a while to locate two aides to help me with a bathroom break before I left.

I was the last one to load on the bus before our fifteen minute trip to the street festival. All the residents got something to eat. The 106-year-old female resident got a fish sandwich which she said was too large. She also ate French fries that the activity director purchased. Another female resident bought a steak sandwich which she brought back with her. Two other male residents had French fries, and one also had an ice cream cone.

I decided to get a small hot fudge sundae. At this festival, a small hot fudge sundae were $4. I was shocked but I did enjoy it.

Then, the aide and chaplain who drives the bus got some fried Oreos. He asked me if I wanted to try one and I surprised myself and agreed.  It wasn't what I expected and it was kind of good. Even though I think eating such crazy food can't be good for me.

With that, we headed back and when we arrived we been gone two and half hours.

It was a warm day. There was enough sun to tan or burn, But sunscreen staved that off.

I was really tired when I got back. It was a different kind of fatigue – the happy, satisfied kind.

Closer to a regular routine

At this facility the nurses let the aides arrange how things will be done with residents and their care. That's good, because the aides do most of the care. But, as a new resident, I had no idea how things are done and I was confused.

To me, it's hard being an interloper in a new to me nursing home with a different way of doing things. I don't want to assert my routine on the existing staff. But, do think there should be a way for them to accommodate.

I've only been here two weeks and it's been difficult getting into the flow. I told them what I thought they might do so that night shift and afternoon shift through some of my care. I said I could get up on night shift. That way I would be ready when the dayshift aides get here sometime after 6 AM. I knew would take time to work it out.

This morning my third twice weekly shower was scheduled. The shower aide said she would be in at 6 AM. Unfortunately, I fell asleep last night and the night shift nurse was late bringing in my meds. Since he had to wake me to give me medicine, I forgot to ask him what time I would be getting up in the morning.

The nurse brought my suppositories at 6:15 a.m. I was told they would be getting me up in 30 minutes. I wondered how true they would stick to that. I know it's difficult here to schedule exactly.

But they did get me up before 7 AM and got me into the bathroom. When I was finished, they took me to the shower. The shower aide and my aide worked together doing my shower.

They brought me back here and both of them helped to get me dressed, and do my hair. I almost made it to breakfast. Maybe after a couple of more shower days, I'll be able to.

I think we may have an idea now of how things were done at my previous nursing home.

I even managed to get weighed this morning. I was surprised that my weight was down maybe four pounds.

Since they serve more and better food here, I thought maybe I would have gained.

Mixed up morning – AGAIN

Just when I think we're going to get a flow at this nursing home, it just doesn't happen. I think this place operates more like a hospital, than a nursing home. Although, I may find out I'm wrong when I learn more.

My nurse came in at 5:40 a.m. to give me a pill. She said she'd be back in ten minutes with my suppositories. She didn't come back for half an hour. However, I got my suppositories.

The male aide who took care of me today, took care of me three out of my first four days here. I thought he knew my routine.
Mark
I did not harp to get up in the nursery monitor. Nor did I yell to get help.

The diaper ended up getting soiled again. I was pretty sure there is going to be a big mess. But, I just could not understand why two aides could not have gotten me up. It just didn't make sense to me.

My aide came in after 7 AM and brought my roommate's breakfast tray. I asked for a drink of water. But he walked out like he did not hear me. I was kind of surprised.

He came back after 8 AM with my breakfast tray. I told him I did not want to eat with a poopy diaper on. He gave me a funny look and said, "Don't eat". I was rather surprised.

I'd said into the nursery monitor that I wanted to have at least a piece of toast for breakfast, even if I ate nothing else. I told them I needed to eat some breakfast because I take medicine.

A few minutes later one of the office aides came in and fed me my breakfast. When I asked her what was going on with my care routine, she said she had no idea. Most nursing home staff usually say they have no idea what's going on. But, most the time they do know.

My aide came in with another aide who cleaned me up. Those two aides got me up and into the bathroom. I thanked them profusely because I was so glad I was up.

My aide had made the comment that he did not have three hours to spend doing my a.m. care. Two days after I came, one aide said it took her three hours to wash me up and get me ready. My morning routine is not that hard once you know what you're doing.

When my aide came in to wash me up, I told him we would do the quick wash up. I told him he could use baby wash on my body and said he didn't have to rinse it. So, basically he just washed and dried me.

He did me quickly with my long style routine. With the shorter routine, he was able to finish faster..

I found out he had been asked to do for extra showers this morning. Those were supposed to be done last night. Instead, my aide had to do those showers this morning. I'm sure that messed up his morning work routine.

Another mixed up morning

This morning was a bit mixed up. It seems like on certain early mornings night shift asks me if I want to get up. Perhaps they do that when they have more staffing. But it is rather confusing.

I have a morning bowel program and regardless when I get up, I would like to stick to some type of usual schedule. I don't know that anyone is understanding that.

I don't really want to get up at 4:30 a.m. But, I would get up one half-hour later. So, I think we need to have a discussion.

I told the aides it's easier for me to cooperate, if I know what the schedule is going to be.

I ended up getting my suppositories around 6 AM. But, no one came to get me up thirty minutes later. These two halls must've been busy, because no one answered my request for help in the nursery monitor.

An aide came in after 7 AM. But, by then, my diaper was already soiled. I apologized to her for the mess, but she said it was okay. With that, she cleaned me up, and another aide helped her get me up.

I went to the bathroom. After that my aide me breakfast, and washed me up..

My aide was fifteen minutes from finishing, when another aide came in and got her to help him. She didn't return for forty minutes.

Before she left I had her turn on the TV I seldom watch. I tuned into a morning news and entertainment show. TV today is more in your face than when I last watched it in late 2013.

Unfortunately, I had been in the shower chair for two and half hours, and my left leg was really hurting. That seat is not comfortable for even a short period of time.

Then, my aide returned with another one and they combed my hair, brushed my teeth, and put cream on my face.

It's been seven years since I lived in a nursing home with mostly elderly residents. The workflow is different and getting accustomed is difficult for them and for me.

Sometimes, it just all seems like it's too much. That's when I wonder if things will ever fall into some type of regular pattern.

I'm just not a "fly by the seat of your pants" person. Structure is important in my life.

A calm day

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday mornings were so crazy. Then yesterday things calmed down. "S" was my aide. I don't know if she was the difference, or if it was just because it was a different day.

Monday was my shower day. "S" came in at 6:23 a.m. to see if I wanted to get up. I told her I hadn't gotten my suppositories. She said she would get the nurse. He didn't come in until over half an hour later. Clearly, something was going on that the two of them couldn't get closer on their scheduling.

Nevertheless she got me up. I was able to get to the bathroom on time and without a problem.

After that, she fed me breakfast. Then I headed to the shower. I was supposed to have been showered by the shower aide, but she had been reassigned.

We went right to the shower and "S" started my shower. A few minutes later another aide came in the shower room to assist. She washed my hair while "S" washed me.

The shower was over in really good time. It takes so much less time to do it than to wash me up.

I went back to my room and got dressed, my teeth were brushed, and moisturizing cream was put on my face. I felt like a different woman.

Monday, so far, felt so different than the last three days. It was almost as though I had moved to a different place where the people knew how to care for me.

Inside, I was pleased about the situation. I felt that if one aide could learn how to help me, the other ones probably could too.

"S" also made sure I got on my desktop computer when I asked. I was so glad she did not tell me she was too busy or had something else to do.

It's amazing how certain aides can make my day better, just by showing up.

I feel so grateful when the people who care for me help me do the things I want to do.

Despite my morning my thoughts were on Hurricane Irma

This morning I wondered what kind of day it would be. The night shift nurse and I verbally sparred when I got my suppositories after 6 AM. I told him I wanted up and I felt they might consider doing it sooner. Despite what I said, he said there was not enough aides on night shift to get me up.

In the midst of all this morning turmoil, my mind was overwhelmed with thoughts of my sister, her husband, my niece, and her boyfriend trying to ride out Hurricane Irma. Janice and her husband live in Naples. Meredith and her boyfriend live in the northern Fort Lauderdale area.

All of them were in my mind yesterday. It's hard for me because my family are so far away. All I could do for them was pray, which didn't seem like very much. Janice has emailed each day. They were going to a safe hurricane proof apartment owned by some wealthy friends.

Before the morning progressed very far, no one answered my voice call into the nursery monitor or came to get me up to go to the bathroom. I wondered why they got me up for several days, and then all of a sudden stopped. Things changed Friday morning and I was not allowed to get up. That meant I soiled the diaper two days in row. But at least yesterday they got me up not too long after it happened.

This morning they waited too long to get me up and never said a word. I ended up soiling the diaper again. I just could not believe that, despite what was going on, no one could tell me I kept asking for assistance. I spoke into the nursery monitor and nobody came near. The first person in this room was an aide at 8:30 a.m. When she brought my roommate's breakfast tray, I asked for a drink of water. The aide left without I couldn't believe she wouldn't give me a drink.

The nurse came in a little after 9 AM, and I asked her for a drink. She too walked out of my room. I don't think I've ever been treated this way. I thought maybe there was some sort of emergency.

I got the aide's attention when she brought in my roommates tray, by telling her not to expect me to eat breakfast in a soiled diaper. I wonder if that's why the aide did not come back..

When three aides finally came it was after 9:30 a.m., my bed and I were a mess. They said they felt I needed a shower and got me up and took me there. Perhaps that was the carrot for the stick of me lying in a soiled diaper for over two hours.

Earlier that morning three rehab residents were sent to the hospital. One went to ICU. Another, after falling here and breaking two bones in her leg. She returned around lunchtime. I've heard nothing about the third resident sent to the ER.

I guess it's impossible to plan for all bad situations when you run a nursing home. Every situation is unique. But I seem to see a lot of things here that fall outside the pattern. I think some of the new admissions were discharged from the hospital prematurely.

Another problematic morning

I hope this isn't a pattern. Although, this is a weekend when short staffing in nursing homes is notorious. At my previous one, it happened almost every weekend. But, at least, they knew how to take care of me.

This morning and night shift nurse was running late. I didn't get my suppositories until 6:55 A.M. That usually presents a problem for dayshift nursing home aides. When they get to work they need to get started somewhere, since they could not start with me, they started somewhere else.

The odd thing is the male nurse said he would be down at 7:30 a.m. He is a big guy and could've easily stood me while one other aide or nurse put the shower chair under me. Then, I would've been transferred. I wonder why that didn't happen.

Instead, every few minutes I said into the nursery monitor (my only call light) that I needed to get up to go to the bathroom. I know I said it every five minutes for almost an hour.

No one can ever appreciate how hard it is to hold laxative suppositories for an hour. But I tried with all my might.

Right before 8:00 AM, I lost the battle, and my diaper was soiled again. I was very upset that I was forced into such a situation. To me, it is almost abuse when you're in a nursing home. After all, I do not have uncontrollable diarrhea all the time. It would be different if I did.

I still continued to ask for help. When the aides did come in, I told them I had had an accident because they were running late. One of them looked at me kind of incredulously.

I cried while they cleaned me up feeling very ashamed and undignified.

Then I was put in the bathroom.

I sat there for probably another 30 minutes. A different aide fed me my breakfast. I went back to the bathroom, and eventually was washed up.

It was almost 11 AM before my hair was combed and moisturizer was on my face for the day. I have no idea why it has to take them so long.

I talked with the weekend manager today. She said I need a lot of care. I told her I know that. I also told her at my previous facility, the aides had my routine DOWN.

Right now, I wish I was back there where I know an aide would fix my lap tray. As it is, it's difficult for me to reach right now.

I wonder when the aides or nurses here will learn to fix it.

An inexplicable morning

Yesterday morning, for some reason, my nurse decided to give me my suppositories early. I should have asked if I'd be allowed to get up twenty or thirty minutes later. But I didn't because I thought that went without saying.

I waited thirty minutes and spoke to in the nursery monitor that I needed to get up and go to the bathroom. I said it several times but nobody came. I just couldn't figure out why one person could not walk down and tell me what was going on, and why no one was in here helping me. I would think I could get on the bed pan, at least.

No one showed up until after 8 AM. By then, my diaper was soiled. I could not hold the suppositories any longer than an hour. Even doing that was very difficult.

The aides got me up sometime after 7 AM and put me in the bathroom. I was in there for a while because I had to wait for them to pass trays and feed people in the assisted dining room.

I was hoping this was just a fluke and that it would not happen again. I could not understand why neither night shift nor the dayshift aides, when they first arrived, could not get me up. They must've had to do more critical care residents than me.

When aides do not do a job, I always wonder why. Sometimes they don't like the job. Other times they don't have any discretion on their own to make a decision. Perhaps a nurse or someone else is preempting what they do, and what they're allowed to do for me.

They're not back talking me, like the aides did at my previous facility. And I have no idea why those aides did that. Did it make them feel better to make me feel worse?

Then, later in the day, almost as a way to make me forget the horror of the morning, they asked me to go on the Walmart outing with a handful of other residents. I didn't want to because I've been sick for over two weeks with bronchitis. But, I was longing to get away from this building, view other things and see other people.

It took all kinds of aide persuasion to get me to the bathroom before I left. That should just be common practice to get a resident ready to go on an outing. But I see they probably only take a certain few – the ones who give them the best PR.

I went on the outing. I helped the other residents. I looked for things. I got a few things for myself. I also bought a bottle of orange nail polish to donate to Activities, so the ladies will look festive for Halloween.

I understand almost everybody's needs (residents and staff) here.

All I would like is a little understanding.

A long time on the shower chair

When I was left on the shower chair for almost four hours at my previous nursing home back in May, I thought it was a fluke. But then, it happened again.

I moved in this nursing home over a week ago. I'm trying to get used to the aides trying to learn how to take care of me. They're trying to get used to me, as well. I'm hoping we can figure out an arrangement that meets all of our needs. So far, things have worked pretty reasonably. Unfortunately, when things do not work out well, I'm the one who usually has to wait for things.

This morning was a case in point. The aides got me up at 6:30 a.m., and put me in the bathroom. I was ready to get out not long after. But, I couldn't pull the call light cord hard enough to turn it on. So I had to wait.

When my aide got to me, she said there is no time to wash me up. So, she put me in my room and I had to wait for breakfast trays to be passed. As I sat there, I so wished I had made sure that my TV was hooked up before this morning. But, even so, I had no idea where my TV remote is. I knew plugging the TV in and attaching the cable, would not provide TV without a about. I thought of that as I sat there with nothing to do.

Breakfast arrived around 8 AM. My aide fed me my breakfast. I went back to the bathroom. When I finished I was told I was getting a shower sometime after 9 AM. That meant I had to wait almost an hour sitting in my shower chair – which is not comfortable for very long.

I waited until way after 9 AM. In fact, it was 9:30 a.m. when two aides came in to help me restand and get more comfortable on the shower chair. That's when I found out the shower aide was not coming in until 10 AM. I knew I would wait another 30 minutes and possibly longer.

I was okay for about 45 minutes. Then my left leg started to hurt badly. It hurt so badly, I ended up crying. My roommate put her call light on but the aides must've all been busy. None of them came my way.

When the shower aide finally walked in about 10:30 a.m., I was really hurting from the pressure on the back of my left leg.

The shower aide and my aide took me to the shower room and I got a shower for the first time in over a week. I can't really say how much better I felt after a shower and shampoo.

My shower wasn't finished until about 11:30 a.m. That's way too long for my shower to take. But, there is a learning curve to getting used to my routine. I'm hoping they wood would get used to me quickly.

I would prefer no more four hour waits sitting on the shower chair.

Cries in the night

I'm using a nursery monitor until I have some sort of other usable call light. That means that each night I have had to talk loudly to request what I want, and hope that an aide or nurse on the receiving end heard me. Many times, no one came. I wondered if the portable unit of the nursery monitor was too far away for anyone to hear me.

This morning I woke at 2 AM and my right leg was aching in its leg splint. I knew the splints needed to come off. So I requested they be removed in the nursery monitor. I waited a while and nobody came. I repeated it again into the nursery monitor, and again, nobody came. My leg was relentless and hurting, and I didn't know quite what to do. It's one thing to have a call light and be able to put it on. It's another thing not to have one at all.

The fear rose in my throat. I didn't think I could settle down and get back to sleep. I kept yelling nurse and saying my brace was hurting. It seemed like I yelled for over an hour. It may have been a shorter period of time but it did not seem like it.

Then, two aides entered my room seeming to be out of breath. They told me they heard me yelling on the monitor at the nurses station – and ran all the way. They thought I fell out of bed. I told them there is virtually no way that could happen.

I asked them to remove the leg splints, and they did. Then I got a drink of water. I was so glad to see somebody that I forgot to have them push my earplugs in further.

They looked a bit worried and said they would be back to check on me at 4:30 a.m. I told them maybe they might need to check on me every hour if they are unable to hear and answer the nursery monitor.

This morning – the first in a week – they came in around 4:30 a.m. to check on me. They put new pads on my bed and straightened things up and covered me backup.

I cannot adequately explain how frightening it is to wake in the middle of the night and have no way to communicate. I'm in the very last room on the end of the hall.

Hearing me anytime OTHER THAN the middle of the night, would be quite difficult.

An unscheduled hair cleaning

My morning care routine is laborious for the aides at this facility. Because I'm not on the shower list, I want them to give me a thorough wash up every morning. I had the same male aide three days in a row. But each of the other days I had a different aide. It's very hard to train a different aide every day.

Management is starting to give me a complex commenting about how long it takes their aides to get me ready in the morning. But I'm trying to hang in and just explain how my life runs. I tried to explain to these aides that the aides at my previous nursing home had me hurry my morning routine to be on time for breakfast.

When I got to that previous facility, I was hurried to get through a.m. care and to breakfast.. Then, they decided to do my wash up on night shift at 4 AM. Night shift did my a.m. care: whether a shower or a wash up until 2013. I no longer wanted to get up that early. I was having difficulty functioning throughout the day. They moved me to dayshift showers and wash ups. Two years later they asked if I would go back to night shift doing my showers and wash ups. But I wanted to state with the dayshift aides.

This morning my wash up was slow because my seven month's pregnant aide had difficulty moving. She's already limited lifting certain ways. I felt badly that she had to do me this morning. She tried to as well as she could, but she couldn't shortcut.

I told her my hair hadn't been washed since the day I moved in. I said I turned down an outing with a friend because my hair was not clean enough to go out. Even if I'd said something, I doubt with the Labor Day weekend, if I would have been put on the shower list.

My aide empathized with my itchy scalp and dilapidated hairdo. She said she imagined it was probably driving me crazy. She said she might have time later to clean my hair when I was in bed. But, I told her I would not be back in bed for several hours.

I was shocked after breakfast when she offered to clean my hair. I think she was going to use my baby shampoo. I told her I had shampoo that doesn't require rinsing. At first she thought it was too runny. But, I explained how to use it and soon she saw how it worked. Adding water, allowed her to lather it and clean it well. Then, she just towel and dried it.

She said my hair curled up nicely and was lying down like it should. She put a bit of mousse in it, and it stayed in place.

I talked to the shower aide about scheduling. But, she had little to say. She just said if I'm a Monday, Wednesday, Friday shower, she won't be doing my Monday showers because of other duties she has.

I still don't understand why it takes so long to get my shower scheduled after a resident moves into a nursing home.

This is my third nursing home and it looks like it will take just as long to get on the shower schedule as it did at the previous two.

I spent this Labor Day waiting for things

It seemed like I spent the entire day waiting. I don't understand why the aides have such a hard time getting their residents up in the morning. It shouldn't be that difficult unless they just do not have enough staff to accomplish it in a timely manner.

I woke early and had not seen an aide since 1 AM. I asked her to wake me at 4:30 a.m. and give me a drink. She said she would. I wondered if there would be another aide helping her at that hour.

Apparently no one came in. Yesterday they asked a dayshift aide if he would stay over until 2 AM. He told them he wouldn't and I knew they were let down by that.

I woke and could not see my clock very well. But I had the sense it was after 5 AM.

I requested a drink of water in the nursery monitor. But, nobody came. I asked more than one time. I realized that no one had the nursery monitor close enough to them to hear it.

By the time someone got to me, it was before 6 AM. My clock was not reset last night and it was 30 minutes fast.

I was able to get up and into the bathroom. Unfortunately, I had to wait a long time in there before my aide could answer my call light. Yesterday's aide did not make me wait that long. And, I was out of my room by 9 AM. Yesterday's male aide can really move.

I eventually got washed up. But the aides who did it was tall and perspiring heavily. I hoped she wasn't nervous. She did an okay job but she did not break his speed record..

This morning I didn't get out of my room until after 10 AM. There wasn't much to do but ride around. Nothing was going on. There wasn't even anything good on TV to watch. I wondered why they didn't put the TV on a movie or maybe a series marathon on another channel for the residents to enjoy.

I've been here since Wednesday and have not had a shower. My hair has not been washed or cleaned either. I'm wondering when I will get my first shower. I'm trying to be nice about it, but I feel grubby.

Things really fall down here on second and third shift. The aides say they are short staffed. But I'm not sure that's the only problem. I do know that nurses do not help with transferring me – and they need to.

I have to get blood work done in the morning. The first lab testing since I came here. Tonight I'm not allowed to have anything to eat after 9 PM. So I hope they feed me my snack before then.

On my fifth day

I guess I never thought what the fifth day here might be like, but here it is.

This morning I rode up the hallway and got my medicine and just headed on up the hallway. I rode over to the front door to look out and see how the weather is. It was kind of gray and cloudy right then so there was not much to see.

I watched a bit of Fox News Sunday on Fox 28. Chris Wallace hosts that show and that's the first time I've seen it in a while. I haven't really watched TV much since 2013.

The administrator was here until 10 AM when he left to go to church. He did not come back.

It is very quiet this morning except for the voices of the staff. Every once in a while a resident makes a noise, but that's not very often.

There were several residents up in wheelchairs in the front lobby. They didn't get the power problem their fixed yesterday. But they did use a power extension cord to get access to electricity around it. The TV and lights on the wall are now on.

I went to the dining room to see what type of snacks are in the vending machine. They don't have much of anything that's wonderful. It's a lot of cookies, cupcakes, and other fattening stuff. There are no peanuts, cheese crackers, popcorn, chicken noodles, or anything else very good.

They asked me to go to lunch a little after 11 AM. There was no food in there but apparently I needed to be in the dining room to get a tray. She put me at a far table. I had to sit there with my tray for several minutes, unable to even take a bite, because there was no one available to feed me right away..

I rode around up and down the hallways until around 4 PM. I'm kind of tired. I also need to spend some time on my desktop PC since I really need to get some things accomplished.

Because I didn't think clearly before the move, my new state Auto License Renewal envelope was on my bulletin board. It was taken down and put into a box. I just don't know if I have that box. I will have to call the Bureau Of Motor Vehicles to find out what I do since I have no idea where it is.

The weather warmed today. Yesterday's high was in the low 60s. Today it was in the high 70s or low 80s.

Mental game change

[[I did not get to post this yesterday because I was too tired last night to finish it.]]

Friday morning was not great. For some reason I was unable to pull the call light on when I was finished in the bathroom. I tried everything to move it. I wiggled so much that I knocked the shower chair pillow out from behind my back, which made me more comfortable. It made it easier for me to sit there and wait. They found me when they brought a tray to me. They said Melissa/speech therapist had looked in on me twice. I told them no one opened the bathroom door. I was upset about it.

I talked to a nurse, who disagreed with my story. I told her that I was left that long and there may have indeed been something the aides were doing. But I told her someone should have checked on me in an hour.

After breakfast I got washed up. The aide who normally does showers, is doing weights today, a priority. I was feeling unsettled because it seems the aides are having trouble getting used to my washup routine in the morning.

No one has said when I might be able to get a shower. I'm thinking Monday at the earliest, or maybe Tuesday. They don't take much time for primping I don't think. Some of these people probably don't care. They also do not look like people on Medicaid like the residents at Harding, and I don't feel as sorry for them.. Although, I am sure many of them are on Medicaid.

In the afternoon I met an amputee I will call "Sally" who is a real joy. She's in a power wheelchair and we talked in the front area for probably over an hour. She wants to write about a certain part of her life because her son wants her to. I was trying to encourage her. She's an artist and paints in her room just small acrylics because they dry fast. They said she has more stuff than I have – which is hard to believe.

It was nice to meet someone and I can talk to. Although "Sally" will be gallivanting around everywhere. So I probably will not get to talk to her very much. Maybe there's another little, quiet person who will want someone to talk to her.

But I need to get back to my computer. There are things I need to do. They seem reluctant to set me up at it after lunch, and I hope they will change their minds, after they get more familiar with me.

I get the sense that they do not want to feed me in my room. They said they do not have enough staff to do that. But, one of the aides told me that an aide on light duty could feed me but usually does not want to. She should be doing it because she can. I just wonder what she does do. She probably does one assist residents on this hall. But I don't see that many people getting up. The dining room is not large enough for more than 20 people to eat in. They do not eat in shifts. But all the feeds are supposed to go to the dining room.

Occupational therapy talked up getting tilt and recline on my chair quite a bit on Thursday and Friday. She thinks it would let me have a longer day. She might be right but it's not going to let me sit in my power chair and have my arm propped to use if I'm reclining.

I hope they are not going to want me out of here. I've already been told today that there is another woman here who is pickier than I am. I know I would like to meet her..